.

[dullard]

Originally posted by: Orsorum
Social Security, instituted in response to a changing American population and a crushing economic depression, is a system wherein workers provide for their future well-being through taxes on employment income.

That is getting better. At ~30 words it feels less like a run-on sentence. Now the big question comes. Is that added phrase worth an em-dash? I personally like the em-dash and think it should be used more often. However, I am in the minority.

 

[Orsorum]

Originally posted by: dullard

Originally posted by: Orsorum
Social Security, instituted in response to a changing American population and a crushing economic depression, is a system wherein workers provide for their future well-being through taxes on employment income.

That is getting better. At ~30 words it feels less like a run-on sentence. Now the big question comes. Is that added phrase worth an em-dash? I personally like the em-dash and think it should be used more often. However, I am in the minority.

Is that what the elongated dash is called? I like it, but I wasn't sure if it would be appropriate here.

Social Security?instituted in response to a changing American population and a crushing economic depression?is a system wherein workers provide for their future well-being through taxes paid on employment income.

 

[Howard]

Originally posted by: dullard

Originally posted by: Orsorum
Social Security, instituted in response to a changing American population and a crushing economic depression, is a system wherein workers provide for their future well-being through taxes on employment income.

That is getting better. At ~30 words it feels less like a run-on sentence. Now the big question comes. Is that added phrase worth an em-dash? I personally like the em-dash and think it should be used more often. However, I am in the minority.

I love em-dashes - I put them in whenever I can. 😀

 

[Ikonomi]

No, that clause should definitely not take an em dash, only a comma. An em dash adds too much separation. If the clause were "a program instituted in response...", then it could use a dash or parentheses.

The original sentence is long, but grammatically sound. It isn't difficult to read or follow. Try removing some unnecessary adjectives.

Social Security?instituted in response to a changing American population and a crushing economic depression?is a system wherein workers provide for their future well-being through taxes paid on employment income.

No, keep the commas.

And those look like en dashes anyway.

 

[dullard]

Originally posted by: Orsorum
Is that what the elongated dash is called? I like it, but I wasn't sure if it would be appropriate here.

Most advise against it. However, I think it really clarifies the text and helps the reader. Thus I don't care about grammar in this case. I want to appease the reader, not some grader.

Here are my personal uses:

[*]The period, a strong stop, is for a new important idea that is relavant to the paragraph.
[*]The semicolon, a mildly strong stop, is for a new important idea that is relavant but not enough to deserve a sentence.
[*]A comma, a mild stop, is for something that is quite important for clarity but really doesn't deserve a separate sentence.
[*]Parentheses, a very mild stop, are for something that is a whisper to the audience. Parentheses should provide an even flow if the parenthesis are there or if the whole part is removed.
[*]The em-dash, a strong stop, is for something that is relevant to the sentence but not the paragraph and you want to stop the flow to tell the reader directly what you are thinking. For example, an actor in Shakespear's plays often stopped the play (on purpose) to speak directly to the audience.

 

[Orsorum]

Originally posted by: Ikonomi
No, that clause should definitely not take an em dash, only a comma. An em dash adds too much separation. If the clause were "a program instituted in response...", then it could use a dash or parentheses.

The original sentence is long, but grammatically sound. It isn't difficult to read or follow. Try removing some unnecessary adjectives.

Social Security?instituted in response to a changing American population and a crushing economic depression?is a system wherein workers provide for their future well-being through taxes paid on employment income.

No, keep the commas.

Social Security?a program instituted in response to a changing American population and an economic depression?is a system wherein workers provide for their future well-being through taxes paid on employment income.

OR

Social Security, instituted in response to a changing American population and an economic depression, is a system wherein workers provide for their future well-being through taxes paid on employment income.

 

[villageidiot111]

Its fine, the italicized portion is just a participle.

 

[Orsorum]

Originally posted by: villageidiot111
Its fine, the italicized portion is just a participle.

Aye, I vaguely remember that from Latin.

 

[Yossarian]

just reading dullard's posts makes me want to get a glass of water, they're so dry.