.

[Orsorum]

.

 

[dugweb]

run-on sentence?

edit: the part in italics would do well in parenthisis, it's a pretty hefty statement to just have a couple commas

 

[maziwanka]

sounds good to me.

 

[Chronoshock]

looks fine

 

[osiris3mc]

It's fine.

 

[intogamer]

hmmmkayy

 

[CChaos]

Time to flex the English degree.

I hereby declare this sentence, which may be a bit verbose though not a run-on, to be grammatically correct.

 

[FlyLice]

yes, but it's irrelevant

 

[Orsorum]

Originally posted by: CChaos
Time to flex the English degree.

I hereby declare this sentence, which may be a bit verbose though not a run-on, to be grammatically correct.

Is the area in commas correct? I wasn't sure if I should use commas, parentheses, or the elongated -'s.

 

[Orsorum]

Originally posted by: FlyLice
yes, but it's irrelevant

🙁

 

[NikPreviousAcct]

Originally posted by: Orsorum
Social Security, first instituted in response to a rapidly changing American population and a crushing economic depression, is a contributory system wherein workers can provide for their future economic well-being through taxes they contribute while employed.

Perfect. 🙂

 

[hongkongfever]

i think im a fob but that sentence is correct.

 

[NikPreviousAcct]

Originally posted by: Orsorum

Originally posted by: FlyLice
yes, but it's irrelevant

🙁

Exactly. That's why the phrase is surrounded by commas. If the phrase in italics were required for clarification (such as which brother, which red car, etc), commas would need to be removed.

You might consider saying "Social Security, which was first instituted..." alternatively.

 

[iamme]

Originally posted by: Orsorum
Social Security, first instituted in response to a rapidly changing American population and a crushing economic depression, is a contributory system wherein workers can provide for their future economic well-being through taxes they contribute while employed.

for simplicity, why not break it up into two sentences? while grammatically correct, it's sort of hard to follow the meaning of a long sentence. but then again, maybe i'm dumb 😛

Social Security is a contributory system wherein workers can provide for their future economic well-being through taxes they contribute while employed. It was first instituted in response to a rapidly changing American population and a crushing economic depression.

 

[Gibsons]

Grammar is correct, but might be better if it were just made into two simpler sentences.

 

[OrByte]

Originally posted by: iamme

Originally posted by: Orsorum
Social Security, first instituted in response to a rapidly changing American population and a crushing economic depression, is a contributory system wherein workers can provide for their future economic well-being through taxes they contribute while employed.

for simplicity, why not break it up into two sentences? while grammatically correct, it's sort of hard to follow the meaning of a long sentence. but then again, maybe i'm dumb 😛

Social Security is a contributory system wherein workers can provide for their future economic well-being through taxes they contribute while employed. It was first instituted in response to a rapidly changing American population and a crushing economic depression.

BOW DOWN TO THE GRAMMA MASTA

 

[walla]

I would probably put the italic text into a separate sentence if you can. You are really trying to express two ideas that are not strongly related (other than by their subject) with one sentence. That is unnecessarily confusing.

...in my non-English-major opinion, that is... 🙂

 

[DougK62]

Reads perfectly fine to me.

 

[Orsorum]

Originally posted by: iamme

Originally posted by: Orsorum
Social Security, first instituted in response to a rapidly changing American population and a crushing economic depression, is a contributory system wherein workers can provide for their future economic well-being through taxes they contribute while employed.

for simplicity, why not break it up into two sentences? while grammatically correct, it's sort of hard to follow the meaning of a long sentence. but then again, maybe i'm dumb 😛

Social Security is a contributory system wherein workers can provide for their future economic well-being through taxes they contribute while employed. It was first instituted in response to a rapidly changing American population and a crushing economic depression.

I kept it as is because the explanatory clause adds some background info (e.g. that SS was first instituted in response to a changing population) that subtly links with a sentence later in the paragraph (that because of a later population shift the system is in trouble). The information itself doesn't really deserve a separate sentence.

 

[iamme]

Originally posted by: OrByte

Originally posted by: iamme

Originally posted by: Orsorum
Social Security, first instituted in response to a rapidly changing American population and a crushing economic depression, is a contributory system wherein workers can provide for their future economic well-being through taxes they contribute while employed.

for simplicity, why not break it up into two sentences? while grammatically correct, it's sort of hard to follow the meaning of a long sentence. but then again, maybe i'm dumb 😛

Social Security is a contributory system wherein workers can provide for their future economic well-being through taxes they contribute while employed. It was first instituted in response to a rapidly changing American population and a crushing economic depression.

BOW DOWN TO THE GRAMMA MASTA

lol, yeah right.

if the entire paper is filled with overly complex, compound sentences it may be unnecessarily difficult and fatiguing to read. take my advice with a grain of salt, of course.... 🙂

 

[iamme]

Originally posted by: Orsorum

Originally posted by: iamme

Originally posted by: Orsorum
Social Security, first instituted in response to a rapidly changing American population and a crushing economic depression, is a contributory system wherein workers can provide for their future economic well-being through taxes they contribute while employed.

for simplicity, why not break it up into two sentences? while grammatically correct, it's sort of hard to follow the meaning of a long sentence. but then again, maybe i'm dumb 😛

Social Security is a contributory system wherein workers can provide for their future economic well-being through taxes they contribute while employed. It was first instituted in response to a rapidly changing American population and a crushing economic depression.

I kept it as is because the explanatory clause adds some background info (e.g. that SS was first instituted in response to a changing population) that subtly links with a sentence later in the paragraph (that because of a later population shift the system is in trouble). The information itself doesn't really deserve a separate sentence.

gotcha. :thumbsup:

in the end, it comes down to your writing style and your target audience.

 

[Ilmater]

1) This sentence is gramatically correct.
2) Your English professor would not like it, nor would a boss.
3) There are a million ways to say things; choose one where you don't use a sentence that long.

 

[ts3433]

I think it's fine.

 

[dullard]

Originally posted by: Orsorum
I kept it as is because the explanatory clause adds some background info (e.g. that SS was first instituted in response to a changing population) that subtly links with a sentence later in the paragraph (that because of a later population shift the system is in trouble). The information itself doesn't really deserve a separate sentence.

I personally think it is still better off in a separate sentence. Iamme's advice really helps the reader. However, if you insist that it doesn't deserve a separate sentence then there are other options.

(1) Why not use a semicolon?

Social Security was first instituted in response to a rapidly changing American population and a crushing economic depression; social security is a contributory system wherein workers can provide for their future economic well-being through taxes they contribute while employed.

(2) Why not keep it as is but take out unneccessary, redundant, repeated, words that say the same thing in an unneccessary, redundant, redundant, redunant, and repeated way to say the same thing over and over again when the real meaning was implied firstly to begin with?

Social Security, instituted in response to a changing population and an economic depression, is a system wherein workers can provide for their retirement. The workers contribute through social security taxes on their employment income.

 

[Orsorum]

Social Security, instituted in response to a changing American population and a crushing economic depression, is a system wherein workers provide for their future well-being through taxes on employment income.