not very unreasonable rules for living in their house.
my advice to you would be to talk to them about it, but be prepared to put up or shut up.
and as far as handling it like an adult, that would entail accepting the rules of the house or getting
a place of your own. get your own place and then you can make your own rules.
Gunslinger08
Lifer
- Nov 18, 2001
- 13,234
- 2
- 81
I agree 100%. I mean jesus, the guy is 18. You can't expect him to be a fully developed adult yet, but you also have to realize he isn't a little kid anymore either. He should be able to dictate his own schedule, who he talks to, and what he does. He's working and trying to further his education. Just cause your kid hits the magical 18 doesn't mean you have the right to be a dick to them. I don't know how your family lives were, but I was certainly taught that family comes before everything. Making an 18 year old live under rules for a 10 year old is wrong. Making an 18 year old pay rent at the same house he's lived at for his entire life is also wrong. If anything, his parents should support him more now, as he's forming what he'll be for the rest of his life right now.
Josh
Is it really that bad??? Those rules don't sound that bad except having the computer in another room, I think you're overreacting...
Originally posted by: Millennium
Originally posted by: Vic
Dude, check your God hatred at the door, ok?
Chin, the best you can do is try to discuss these rules with your parents and see if they will work with you in some aspects. Expect to compromise and keep your emotions down. Behave like an adult and you can hope to be treated like an adult. Don't and you won't. If you really want freedom though, you're eventually going to have to move out, it's just the way the world works. Just for the record, I don't agree with all their rules though. I delivered pizzas when I was your age and still remember it as one of the funnest jobs I ever had (even if the pay sucked).
That is pretty weak to be considered "God hating." I believe in God and thought that was pretty dead on. There much worse anti-God/Christian rhetoric spewed. That didn't even deserve a second glance.
Thank you
I guess he just associated my question with the links in my sig.
Back to topic: Looks like the consensus is to either shut your piehole or hit the bricks.....and I meant that in a nice way
I agree with the move-out sentiment, but I really don't think moving to NY is the answer. You'd be far better off taking out some student loans and putting yourself through college. In-state tuition can be reasonable depending on where you go and you'd be earning a degree that will hopefully help you get a real job instead of the work-two-jobs-to-make-a-little-money bullsh*t. Get one real job, make more money than the two crappy ones combined and actually have some free time and a place of your own. I moved out at 18 and have been financially on my own ever since. Sure, I'm still making student loan payments, but they're a small price to pay for the autonomy I've had the last 14 years.
1. It's not your age, it's your maturity level. Just because you're eighteen-years-old doesn't mean you've magically become an adult. Obviously, your parents don't believe you're mature enough to live without these rules. Talk to them and find out how to convince them otherwise. Have you done anything to deserve being treated like a 12-year-old?
2. Your computer. Kind of weird, but what are the circumstances? Is it the family computer? Does anyone else have to use it? Do you spend 15 hours a day on it and your parents want to monitor your usage? Are they worried you're going to commit suicide like that one guy who did in front of a webcam while in an Internet chat room?
3. Work. It sounds like they don't like the idea of your doing pizza deliveries, but have no problem with you working other jobs. Why? Would you be working in a dangerous neighborhood at night? Is your car reliable? Why is this job different from the other ones?
4. Girl. You're not telling us something. There has to be a reason your parents don't like this girl.
2. Your computer. Kind of weird, but what are the circumstances? Is it the family computer? Does anyone else have to use it? Do you spend 15 hours a day on it and your parents want to monitor your usage? Are they worried you're going to commit suicide like that one guy who did in front of a webcam while in an Internet chat room?
3. Work. It sounds like they don't like the idea of your doing pizza deliveries, but have no problem with you working other jobs. Why? Would you be working in a dangerous neighborhood at night? Is your car reliable? Why is this job different from the other ones?
4. Girl. You're not telling us something. There has to be a reason your parents don't like this girl.
Wow I can't believe this thread is this long and the only advice most of you a-holes can give is for him to stop whining. You clicked on this thread knowing what it is about and the only useful (or rather useless response) you can give is for him to STFU. If you really feel it's "OKAY" for parents to treat their kids like this then I really feel sorry for you. You can be protective and caring but there's a line you can cross into being unreasonable.
Back to the topic of the post, find a way to get enough money to move out whether it be taking loans or what not. In cases like this, being closer to the parents will make your relationship with them worst. Distance will heal all things!
Back to the topic of the post, find a way to get enough money to move out whether it be taking loans or what not. In cases like this, being closer to the parents will make your relationship with them worst. Distance will heal all things!
Some parents are just THAT unreasonable. A lot of traditional Asian parents don't even want their kids dating until they've graduated college and established a career.
did it ever occur to you that maybe they WANT you to move out.
by the way..if your so miserable why haven't you moved out?
apparently your not miserable enough...
well guess what...time is on your parents side...they're going to "win" this argument
no matter what..you will eventually move out.
by the way..if your so miserable why haven't you moved out?
apparently your not miserable enough...
well guess what...time is on your parents side...they're going to "win" this argument
no matter what..you will eventually move out.
Suck it up or move out.
You'll find it's not so easy making ends meet on your own.
"Your" computer, "Your" room... I bet none of that stuff is your own, it all belongs to your folks, right?
You might be legally an adult, but until you move out on your own, you'll always be a child.
You'll find it's not so easy making ends meet on your own.
"Your" computer, "Your" room... I bet none of that stuff is your own, it all belongs to your folks, right?
You might be legally an adult, but until you move out on your own, you'll always be a child.
They're not being unreasonable. If you think they are your parents must not have cared what you did when you were a kid.
4. be thankful that they care enough to set boundries and hold you accountable, express your gratitude and appreciate the roof over your head and computer in the next room
I say sit down and talk with your parents. Let them know that you feel their rules are unjust and that you'd like to see some kind of change in regards to this issue. I know my parents have gotten more easy going as I get older. Right now, the only rule I have is not to be brought home by the police. Other than that, I feel a lot of it is common sense. I also feel fortunate enough to not worry about a rent payment because my parents feel working 30+ hours a week and going to college full time is enough.
Wow... sucks that there are so many unsympathetic Anandtechers who love to call you a whiney baby or repeat the 'their house their rules' cliche.
I have sympathy for you. Sounds like your parents are a pain in the ass. Of course, maybe you are getting into trouble (smoking crack, etc) and that's why they are like that.
Must also suck to take crap from a dude who aint even your dad.
My advice is go to college... you'll be free there. Just don't go out on your own and blow it - if you've tasted freedom and then have to move back in with your parents it will drive you insane x 10.
I have sympathy for you. Sounds like your parents are a pain in the ass. Of course, maybe you are getting into trouble (smoking crack, etc) and that's why they are like that.
Must also suck to take crap from a dude who aint even your dad.
My advice is go to college... you'll be free there. Just don't go out on your own and blow it - if you've tasted freedom and then have to move back in with your parents it will drive you insane x 10.
Why not make a deal with your parents. Offer to pay some rent in exchange for more freedoms. It will show that you are responsible and it's a way better deal than living on your own.
I really don't get why half the people are just telling him to STFU and deal with it. Lighten up and at least try and offer a real solution, at least that's what the people telling him to move out are doing.
From what he says he seems like a fairly mature and responsible person that should be treated as an adult and not a ten year old. Although he lives at home currently he does own his own car, pay his insurance/cell phone bills, is willing to work, has saved up money, etc., so I would say that he is far from being some fatass freeloader that all of you imagine. If they were going to either charge him rent or kick him out, or try to impose as many rules as possible so that he leaves in frustration, something definitely went wrong in the parenting process. If they had done their job he'd already be out on his own in college or whatnot. On a side note I don't really think they're trying to force him to move out, having a 12am curfew and checking his call logs to see if he's violated some petty rule of theirs wouldn't be the way to go about it. As far as the parents go I'm going to venture a guess and say they're Asian, all the ridiculous rules seem to come with the territory there. The split mom and dad probably has something to do with this as well.
As for what to do, I'll reiterate what other people have said (especially fonzinator) and suggest you talk to your parents in an adult manner to see if some of these rules can be resolved. Don't get your hopes up though because I'd say that's a lost cause, but it is worth a shot. It seems like you've already decided the best thing to do is to move to NY with your dad, and this seems like the best choice - it's what I'd probably do in your situation. Your dad sounds a lot cooler about things but I'd make sure you don't alienate yourself from him somehow or else you'll have nowhere to go. After you move to NY I'd strongly suggest that you either get into a four-year college or a community college (from which you can transfer to a four-year later). Of course you want to be working on the side to keep up with the bills and pay for your education, but remember that you're only 18 and this is the best time to go to college. Put it off till later and you might never go. Once you get things back in order, the situation with your mom/stepdad will resolve itself for better or worse, just be don't be surprised whatever happens.
From what he says he seems like a fairly mature and responsible person that should be treated as an adult and not a ten year old. Although he lives at home currently he does own his own car, pay his insurance/cell phone bills, is willing to work, has saved up money, etc., so I would say that he is far from being some fatass freeloader that all of you imagine. If they were going to either charge him rent or kick him out, or try to impose as many rules as possible so that he leaves in frustration, something definitely went wrong in the parenting process. If they had done their job he'd already be out on his own in college or whatnot. On a side note I don't really think they're trying to force him to move out, having a 12am curfew and checking his call logs to see if he's violated some petty rule of theirs wouldn't be the way to go about it. As far as the parents go I'm going to venture a guess and say they're Asian, all the ridiculous rules seem to come with the territory there. The split mom and dad probably has something to do with this as well.
As for what to do, I'll reiterate what other people have said (especially fonzinator) and suggest you talk to your parents in an adult manner to see if some of these rules can be resolved. Don't get your hopes up though because I'd say that's a lost cause, but it is worth a shot. It seems like you've already decided the best thing to do is to move to NY with your dad, and this seems like the best choice - it's what I'd probably do in your situation. Your dad sounds a lot cooler about things but I'd make sure you don't alienate yourself from him somehow or else you'll have nowhere to go. After you move to NY I'd strongly suggest that you either get into a four-year college or a community college (from which you can transfer to a four-year later). Of course you want to be working on the side to keep up with the bills and pay for your education, but remember that you're only 18 and this is the best time to go to college. Put it off till later and you might never go. Once you get things back in order, the situation with your mom/stepdad will resolve itself for better or worse, just be don't be surprised whatever happens.
styrafoam
Platinum Member
- Jun 18, 2002
- 2,684
- 0
- 0
A lot of the rules seem to be unreasonable on the surface but it also sounds like there is something missing from the story. Do you get along with your step dad? Was there a major change in the home life when your mom remarried? Do you contribute to the household by doing chores or taking on some kind of responsibilty? Are you a "deadbeat teenager"? The way I see it there is one of three reasons for them acting this way:
1. They want you out (but that doesn't make sense if what you said about the job is true).
2. They are trying to whip you into shape or think you need to learn some kind of disipline.
3. They are wacked out control freaks.
1. They want you out (but that doesn't make sense if what you said about the job is true).
2. They are trying to whip you into shape or think you need to learn some kind of disipline.
3. They are wacked out control freaks.
I agree with this to some extent but them telling you where and where you cant work is taking it a little too far...
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