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You'll Have No One Guarding Your Potatoes

Perknose

Forum Director & Omnipotent Overlord
Forum Director
Oct 9, 1999
44,167
3,778
136
“We’re going after Virginia with your crazy governor.They want to take your Second Amendment away. You know that right? You’ll have nobody guarding your potatoes.”
— President Trump, to farmers
assembled at the White House

I am a potato guardian. This is the only life I have known. Here is my tale, one no doubt familiar to you, just as the concept of a person who guards potatoes in Virginia is familiar.

Day 1
It is a cold February day, and the new crop of potatoes is just in the ground, an average of six weeks before the last frost. I am in Virginia, the well-known home of potato farming. To guard the potato is a sacred duty, which I have studied since my days at Au Groton, a boarding school for people who aspire one day to protect potatoes. I have my weapon, and I have my training. I settle at the edge of the field with my carbine on my knees and prepare for a long spring.
Day 2
It rained today. I kept my eyes on the potatoes, just as I knew that they would be keeping their eyes on me.
I walked the perimeter of the field. This will be a good crop, if I can only keep it safe for the 75 to 135 days that potatoes require. I must keep it safe.

^^^ There are only 11 days in this potato guardian's diary, but they are must reading for all who care about spuds, the 2nd amendment, and President Frump.
 

dank69

Lifer
Oct 6, 2009
26,053
6,029
136
I think I missed my calling. Can anyone become a potato guardian or is there an age limit to begin training, like Jedi or ninja?
 

NostaSeronx

Diamond Member
Sep 18, 2011
3,210
727
136
thwe gooberment twook mai 2wnd amendwent wights awon thwe thorty two fafty fweral pwigs oot ual mai tatertots.
 

jmagg

Golden Member
Nov 21, 2001
1,606
167
106
Guard or no guard, the spuds will be victimized, no matter how you slice it.
 

sactoking

Diamond Member
Sep 24, 2007
6,658
1,346
136
I just figured that 9/11 was a big enough event in the USA that people might be able to get the right decade, I mean century, I mean millennium, in which it occurred.
 

Greenman

Lifer
Oct 15, 1999
16,654
2,167
126
I just figured that 9/11 was a big enough event in the USA that people might be able to get the right decade, I mean century, I mean millennium, in which it occurred.
9/11 was a big one, freedom fries, not so much.
I actually disconnected the two in my mind, for some reason I thought the fries were part of a different event.
Not the first time I've been wrong, with pretty good odds it won't be the last.
 

Meghan54

Diamond Member
Oct 18, 2009
9,483
2,292
136
OK Boomer.

Don't bother pointing out that I'm a boomer as well, it still works.
Seriously....then why are you so seemingly ignorant of every damned thing that's happened in like....say....the last 40 years?
 

Ajay

Diamond Member
Jan 8, 2001
7,600
2,758
136
“We’re going after Virginia with your crazy governor.They want to take your Second Amendment away. You know that right? You’ll have nobody guarding your potatoes.”
— President Trump, to farmers
assembled at the White House
Super Genius, verily I say unto thee. Anyway, more seriously, since we have the 2nd, can't the potatoes arm themselves?
 

sactoking

Diamond Member
Sep 24, 2007
6,658
1,346
136
I feel like there's a joke here building upon the old, insensitive "I can count to potato!" bit wherein the second amendment becomes the potato amendment.
 
  • Haha
Reactions: dank69
Jun 19, 2004
24,142
1,584
126
Not defending the Orange turd but, it sounds like someone wrote him a joke and since the world knows he has no sense of humor, we took it literally. Either that or, he's criminally insane. Hmmm.
 

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