...the Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.
...you let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
...you've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
...you think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.
...Jack Daniel's makes your list of "most admired people."
...you wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
...you think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
...your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
...your junior prom had a daycare.
...the bluebook value of your truck goes up and down,
depending on how much gas is in it.
...you have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
...you need one more hole punched in your card to get a
freebie at the House of Tattoos.
...you can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.
...you think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk
...your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
...if you think your license plate is personalized because
your father made it for you
...if your father walks you to school because he's in the
same grade.
...if your family tree does not branch.
...the directions to your house include 'turn off the paved road'.
...the front porch on your house collapses and kills more than three dogs.
...you mow your lawn and find a car.
...your house doesn't have curtains but your truck does.
...you go to family reunions looking for a one-night stand.
...your momma doesn't take the Marlboro out from between her lips before telling the State Trooper 'Kiss my ass!'
...you think the four seasons of the year are Duck, Deer, Rabbit, and Turkey.
...a major part of the house-warming party involves removing it's wheels.
...when asked for ID, you show them your belt buckle!
...you let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
...you've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
...you think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.
...Jack Daniel's makes your list of "most admired people."
...you wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
...you think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
...your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
...your junior prom had a daycare.
...the bluebook value of your truck goes up and down,
depending on how much gas is in it.
...you have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
...you need one more hole punched in your card to get a
freebie at the House of Tattoos.
...you can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.
...you think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk
...your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
...if you think your license plate is personalized because
your father made it for you
...if your father walks you to school because he's in the
same grade.
...if your family tree does not branch.
...the directions to your house include 'turn off the paved road'.
...the front porch on your house collapses and kills more than three dogs.
...you mow your lawn and find a car.
...your house doesn't have curtains but your truck does.
...you go to family reunions looking for a one-night stand.
...your momma doesn't take the Marlboro out from between her lips before telling the State Trooper 'Kiss my ass!'
...you think the four seasons of the year are Duck, Deer, Rabbit, and Turkey.
...a major part of the house-warming party involves removing it's wheels.
...when asked for ID, you show them your belt buckle!
( long story ) 
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