You can't build a PC! Put the screwdriver down and step away from the computer! PART TWO

[jonnyGURU]

My phone rings. Go figure! I've got a phone job!

"Hey. It's me. The guy that was looking for the power switch. I've put the wires where you told me and it's still not powering up."

"Really. Hmm.... Disconnect any wires you have connected to the front panel connector pins. Now, take your screwdriver and just scrape it across the tops of all of the pins in that cluster."

Over the phone I can hear the scrape of the screwdriver. BDDDDDDDDDDT! And then, I could hear the fans spinning and the customer exclaiming, "Holy crap! Award Modular BIOS! It works. What's going on?"

"Sounds like you had the two wires on the wrong pins. Let's go over this again. You still have the board with the ISA slot down and the CPU up?"

"Actually," he answers, "it's in the case and the case is upright, so yes; ISA slot is down and CPU is up."

"Good. You know the set of pins you put the screwdriver on, right? Count across the top row. The fourth and fifth pin are the power switch."

"Ok" he says "Let me try it.... Hmm.... Nothing."

"Fourth and fifth pins, right? Count with me. From the left: One, Two, Three and now Four. Start putting the power switch lead on and now it should cap the fourth and fifth pins. Try it."

"Nothing."

"What!??! Fourth and fifth pins, right?"

"Actually, just the fourth."

"How can it be just the fourth. You have two wires. Two wires go on two pins."

"I have it on the fourth and the one next to it."

"Which is the fifth."

"I guess. It's on the fourth pair of pins if that's what you mean."

"NO!" I scream, "That's NOT what I mean. I mean PIN NUMBER FOUR AND PIN NUMBER FIVE. Meaning that, if every pin had a number, not every pair of pins, but ever pin had a number, the pins that you would use is four and five."

"Oh! OK. One, Two, Three, Four and Five! Cool. Let me try it.... Nope. Nothing."

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaargh! It's on the top row? Fourth and fifth pins on the top row?"

"No. Fourth pin on the top row and fifth pin below it on the second row."

jonny hits the wall: "WHY THE HELL WOULD ONE, TWO, THREE AND FOUR BE ON ONE ROW AND THEN FIVE ON ANOTHER!??! I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU BUT WHEN I WENT TO SCHOOL, WE COUNTED FROM LEFT TO RIGHT NOT LEFT TO RIGHT AND THEN DOWN HALF WAY THROUGH A FREAKING SENTENCE TO START READING THE MIDDLE OF THE SENTENCE ON THE NEXT LINE! CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND WHERE YOU'RE NOT MAKING ANY SENSE?!?!?"

*click* Oops! Got too pissed. He hung up on me.

Ten minutes later he calls back: "I got it working!"

Intrigued, I had to ask how this brilliant individual got this thing working without leaving the trailer park and going to an expert, "What did you do to get it to work?"

"I put the two wires on ever single pair of pins, hitting the power button each time, until it eventually powered up."

"Really?" I ask, "So which two did it turn out to be?"

"Well, if you coun't the pins from left to right, top to bottom, it's the seventh and ninth pin."

"Seventh and ninth? I don't understand. Tell you what; if you look at the PC now, and count from the left and only count the top row, which two pins is the power switch on?"

"Oh... Hmm... Let me see.... One, two, three.... Umm... Looks like the fourth and fifth pins."



AAAAAAARGH!!!!!!!!!!!

I couldn't make this stuff up, people! :| :| :| :|

 

[Bling Bling]

hahaah....you said "phone job!"

 

[Darksamie]

This is the best one I have heard so far....This is from a customer at Harvey Norman Superstore in Melbourne, Australia.

Customer: I have a problem with my modem.

Tech: What would the problem be? (Nicely)

Customer: I had my IT Expert have a look at this for me (shudder), and he said that the modem was not powerful enough to send a signal from here to Singapore and thats why I can't email my friends in Singapore.

Tech: Ugh. <sigh>

 

[BiggieN]

second part already....lol.....i can't contain myself. i nearly PIMP reading that...

 

[MC]

DarkSamie: LMAO.....Are you serious????

 

[Stark]

Yesterday we had a customer who conncted the extra floppy drive power supply connectors to the speaker pins. At least his stupidity cost him a new motherboard... I don't know how JG can deal with the morons he gets.

 

[jonnyGURU]

Wow!

I just read it again and can still hardly beleive it happened.

I'm beginning to think that my like would make for a good ABC sitcom. :Q

 

[Dameon]

Especially for parts vendors, I'm amazed they don't have a qualifying test for purchasing. The places around here won't do that kind of support stuff. You bring back and it work, they cahrge bench fee, no phone instruction on PC Building 101

 

[Mister T]

funny stuff.

 

[Pretender]

Once he said seventh and 9th I realized the guy was having trouble following directions that anyone else on the face of the earth could follow.

Next time tone down the screaming...when they hang up we lose tons of valuable stupid ass comments that they could've made.

 

[MrGrim]

LOL!

This is from a game reviewing magazine, trying to get phone operators on big game companies' hotlines to their limits.

Magazine: &quot;Hi, I'm having a problem with one of your games.&quot;
Tech: &quot;What seems to be the problem?&quot;
Magazine: &quot;I can't play, I'm getting a black screen.&quot;
Tech: &quot;Well, lets start from the beggining ... your PC is on right?&quot;
Magazine: &quot;What do you mean?&quot;
Tech: &quot;Did you press that little button on your case?&quot;
Magazine: &quot;No.&quot;

 

[jonnyGURU]

I wish it was that way with us, but we don't have a real &quot;computer labor facility&quot;. I don't work for a computer shop that has a service department with labor rates. I work at a retailer in the warranty department. I have a test bench to test potential warranty items. If it's good, all I can do is send the stuff back with a note that says &quot;It works. Try again.&quot; No charge.

I get SO MANY MORONS.

I swear that the morons KNOW that there is no penalty for stupidity so they keep coming back.

 

[Crimson]

Jonny - Not that I don't completely agree with you on the subject of stupid users.. but if you were doing Tech Support for my company you would be fired for saying something like that. Don't you think you crossed the line there? Granted, its what we all WANT to say.. but you just don't do it.

 

[jonnyGURU]

You mean saying what I said when he hung up on me or saying what I said in the last post?

 

[Crimson]

Yes..

 

[jonnyGURU]

Right....

BTW... If you missed Part One... HERE IT IS.

 

[Crimson]

Saw that one too.. good stuff.. thats why I had to get out of the Tech Support business..