Yeah divorce sucks.

fredtam

Diamond Member
Jun 6, 2003
5,694
2
76
This thread started me thinking about a relative's sitiuation. I usually don't post crap like this but I thought I may end up with another angle to take this from. I'll just make cliff notes to make this short.

1. Relative and his wife divorced

2. Stupid relative decides to work things out "peacefully"

3. Stupid relative and wife agrree on child support

4. Wife decides that she wants to stay home with kids more and files for child support

5. State rules for wife in different state and now stupid relative is paying out 2/3 of his check. States decision takes precident over "agreement" and is retroactive to the date of seperation making him already $35000 behind.

6. Relative was served but due to job in another state could not make court.

7. Now relative has lost his house, car and pretty much everything he owns

8. Relative's job relies on good credit and security clearence.

9. Obviously credit gets screwed.

10. Wife starts writing letters to employer and making calls bad mouthing relative.

11. Wife reports to the fvcking CIA that relative has been selling secrets.

12. CIA investigation and constant call leads to him being a prime candidate for cut in "downsizing"

13. Relative loses job and can't afford house in Virginia on unemployment and also can't find a job making near the money due to the fact his credit is fvcked

14. Relative loses job and moves back home.

15. Wife files criminal charges for non payment of child support and relative was extradited to VA today.

16. Wife has potential to make $100000+ a year (she did before divorce) but quit to stay home with kids and somehow got an insane child support award.

17. Wife is hooked on coke and does not stay home with kids. She makes the oldest watch them yet claims she needs money for day care.

What the fvck do you do when you've managed to get yourself totally fvcked? He couldn't afford a lawyer so he went back home knowing that if they arrested him they would have to give him one for free but I don't think they will be able to get the court ordered child suppot dismissed.

Some fvcking cliff notes huh? Imagine the one large paragragh and run on sentences that could have been. He called me for advice and I have no idea what to tell him besides make sure nobody finds the body. I've been telling him that if he had to live out of his car he should hire a lawyer but he didn't listen.
Anybody live in VA and need some money (joking of course).
 

Sluggo

Lifer
Jun 12, 2000
15,488
5
81
If the coke thing is true, hire a PI to get the proof.

Petition the court that she is an unfit parent.
 

Chaotic42

Lifer
Jun 15, 2001
33,929
1,097
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Divorce laws in America are screwed up.

I really hope for the best for your relative, and for a slow and painful death for his ex-wife.
 

winr

Diamond Member
Feb 17, 2001
6,039
37
91
I had to get a Lawyer.
My ex was satans spawn, hooves and all.
I ended up with a hundred dollar car with a blown head gasket and 2 paper sacks full of clothes.
It was the worst thing I have ever gone through.

But.:sun:, my Parents and I got custody of my Daughter.

She was a real actress, fooled everyone for a long time but eventually was found out.

He needs a Lawyer and to stay calm no matter what she does and to never ever give up.








:)
 

Barnaby W. Füi

Elite Member
Aug 14, 2001
12,343
0
0
Obviously I'm not in his shoes and don't know what it's like, but from how it sounds, I think I'd be contemplating suicide. And I'm a pretty glass-half-full, non-suicidal guy!
 

SuperTool

Lifer
Jan 25, 2000
14,000
2
0
I would flee the country before I paid 2/3 of my salary to some b!tch. I am all for supporting the kids, but at some point you take away any incentive to work.
It's a case of killing the goose that lays the golden eggs.
 

Azraele

Elite Member
Nov 5, 2000
16,524
29
91
Wow, that really sucks. :( Is there any way he can prove she's an unfit mother?
 

Orsorum

Lifer
Dec 26, 2001
27,631
5
81
I wouldn't just go after the cocaine issue; if he has documented evidence that she called his employer and bad-mouthed him, and called the CIA and made a false claim, then the cocaine should be the least of his focus w.r.t. litigation.
 

Kibbo

Platinum Member
Jul 13, 2004
2,847
0
0
There is no such thing as not being able to afford a lawer.

Well, at least at the beginning of the BS. If he can't afford one now, it's because he had a bad one to begin with.

Always hire as good a lawer, accountant, doctor and prostitute as possible. You'll save money in the end.
 

Medea

Golden Member
Dec 5, 2000
1,606
0
0
Originally posted by: fredtam

I've been telling him that if he had to live out of his car he should hire a lawyer but he didn't listen.

You gave him the best advice. Too bad he didn't listen to you. Always go through a lawyer and get a signed agreement if you agree about child support, who gets what, etc. Always get a lawyer if you don't agree.

Two questions:

1. A lot of states permit a parent to appear telephonically re: child support if they don't live in the state. They have to apply for it and explain why they cannot appear physically. Do you know if he had this option? The worst thing you can do is not show up and have a default judgment entered against you. This is another example where he should've retained an attorney to appear on his behalf.

2. Why didn't he file some sort of harassment charges against her for the "selling secrets" thing?
 

nageov3t

Lifer
Feb 18, 2004
42,816
83
91
damn, that sucks :(

makes me appreciate my parents' farce of a marriage and all the years of them sleeping in separate bedrooms. heh.
 

Isla

Elite member
Sep 12, 2000
7,749
2
0
Yes, divorce sucks.

But please don't think that it is just women who are the devil.

My ex spent all our money on pot and alcohol and charged up our credit cards. Then, he had an affair with a coworker of mine... she was older and was agreeable to 'partying' with him, while I had quit that sort of behavior after finding out I was pregnant.

Finally, when my daughter was 8 months old, I divorced him. He left me with all the bills, the cat, and the dog, and no place to go except back to my parents.

He had nothing to do with us again until he found out I was engaged to be married, and then he sued me for visitation. Since he owed me a few thousand in child support and credit card payments, he got what he wanted AFTER he paid up.

But honestly, having to worry about my daughter being with him and his psycho biotch was worse. Over the years, they mentally abused her, and he crossed the line physically once--- fortunately, she had the courage to stop him in his tracks. She's never seen him since, and he doesn't ask (smart, because he knows I'll shred him). We haven't had to deal with him in years now. He's estranged from our daughter, his own father, and all of what I consider the 'good' side of his family (the side that isn't alcoholic!).

Now here's the thing: I learned a thing or two about choosing a mate and having good relationships. The hard way, perhaps... but I learned. And I'm teaching my children. I hope that other people involved in divorces (ESPECIALLY the ugly ones!) can make the effort, too.
 

badmouse

Platinum Member
Dec 3, 2003
2,862
2
0
Originally posted by: Isla
Yes, divorce sucks.

But please don't think that it is just women who are the devil.

My ex spent all our money on pot and alcohol and charged up our credit cards. Then, he had an affair with a coworker of mine... she was older and was agreeable to 'partying' with him, while I had quit that sort of behavior after finding out I was pregnant.

Finally, when my daughter was 8 months old, I divorced him. He left me with all the bills, the cat, and the dog, and no place to go except back to my parents.

He had nothing to do with us again until he found out I was engaged to be married, and then he sued me for visitation. Since he owed me a few thousand in child support and credit card payments, he got what he wanted AFTER he paid up.

But honestly, having to worry about my daughter being with him and his psycho biotch was worse. Over the years, they mentally abused her, and he crossed the line physically once--- fortunately, she had the courage to stop him in his tracks. She's never seen him since, and he doesn't ask (smart, because he knows I'll shred him). We haven't had to deal with him in years now. He's estranged from our daughter, his own father, and all of what I consider the 'good' side of his family (the side that isn't alcoholic!).

Now here's the thing: I learned a thing or two about choosing a mate and having good relationships. The hard way, perhaps... but I learned. And I'm teaching my children. I hope that other people involved in divorces (ESPECIALLY the ugly ones!) can make the effort, too.
Yeah, I have an ex-husband from hell, too. I stopped posting all the stuff he's doing because it's not worth the effort to type. I just am so relieved to be apart from him, it makes it all worth it.

Good luck to your relative and I hate to say it but if he got a divorce and had only verbal agreements, he's an idiot. Doesn't he have a brain? Not that he deserves what's happening now, but you don't make important life decisions concerning your children without a little more care.
 

Pacfanweb

Lifer
Jan 2, 2000
13,149
57
91
Virginia sucks for men and child support. My mom lived up there for about 10 yrs...got remarried...her husband was (obviously) divorced and paying a ridiculous amount of child support for 2 kids.

He is a DBA, and tends to work contract jobs which last awhile, then he's out of work for a bit, then re-employed...etc. But when he works, makes really good money.

So the ex, who knows all this, decides to sue for more child support at a time when he was between jobs...and got an increase based on what she and the court determined that he SHOULD be making.

Then, during the process, he got hired but was making somewhat less than he used to....still good money, but less than before.

So he was unable to pay the new amount, and she had him put in jail for 90 days. He had to commute to work from the jail.
All because she was unagreeable about what his earning power was.....but the real reason was that she refused to work and needed more money.

It's time we re-structured the laws regarding child support and alimony. I personally think that, regardless of how much the husband makes, whether he makes 20k a year or 2 million, he should have to pay the same amount per kid. Screw all this crap about "helping the wife maintain the lifestyle that the children are accustomed to" crap.
There are exceptions to this rule, occasionally, but in most cases, the extra money isn't deserved.
I have a friend who is paying 6k a month for ONE KID, just because he makes a lot of money. Then, there's two other guys at the same place that pay less than 1k for two kids, again, based on income.
Funny thing is, the guy who's paying 6k, his ex is richer than he is to begin with,(multi-millionaire) but doesn't work.
Isn't that some shlt?
 

KB

Diamond Member
Nov 8, 1999
5,396
383
126
Since his credit is already bad, he should apply for bankruptcy to remove his debts. I am pretty sure that absolves him from back child support payments, but I would check with a lawyer first.
 

rh71

No Lifer
Aug 28, 2001
52,853
1,048
126
I was all set to question how a once-married-and-loving couple could whip out a b!tch like that... how can you do that to someone you cared about once before unless he did something like cheat ? How ?

Then you professed #17... the coke addiction. Messed up in the head.

Were they young when they married ? How did this poor guy get involved in someone so wacked that she's using her kids to get money from him ? Is he a saint himself ? Messed up situation... no... I'll call it what it really is... that's some fuct up sh!t. (sorry I love that line).
 

T2T III

Lifer
Oct 9, 1999
12,899
1
0
Originally posted by: Isla
Yes, divorce sucks.

But please don't think that it is just women who are the devil.

That is so true.

Sadly, though, the guy referenced in this thread didn't consult a layer when he should have. And, if the Ex is a coke addict, things are going to get worse before they get better.
 

Vette73

Lifer
Jul 5, 2000
21,503
8
0
Thats why if you are are dumb enouhg to get Married a Pre-Nup is a MUST!!!!

If the relationship is NOT about money or wealth etc... then neither person will fight a Pre-Nup. If someone does nto want to sign then I guess "LOVE" is not the main reason behind the relationship.
 

DaWhim

Lifer
Feb 3, 2003
12,985
1
81
now I understand why someone would shoot their ex and then suicide.

he should run to canada. :D