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YAWT: Carpoolers

J

Jikininki

Senior member
So here's the setup/background:

-dude gets a dui...license suspended for 2 YEARS
-dude works in warehoue
-dude comes upstairs to our offices one day to tell one of my coworkers that he lost his license
-coworker asks where he lives
-dude happens to live in my town (and unfortunately I live in a really small town)
-coworker suggests dude ask me for rides to work (only TO work, tho)
-because i'm too nice/was put on the spot..i agreed.

Ok...so it's been almost 4 weeks. He and I agreed after the 2nd day that he'd pay me once a week for gas...about 10 dollars a week. I told him that I wanted him to meet me at a certain corner in town so it'd be easy for me to get on the highway after picking him up. He agreed. I also told him he needed to be out there waiting by 7:30am..he told me he'll be there by 7:20 just in case. This was all agreed upon within the first few days.

FAST FOWARD to now...

after 4 weeks..he's only paid me twice. He doesn't meet me at the corner I asked him to..he meets me at the next one..which forces me to take a local route instead of the faster highway. He doesn't show up until 7:35-7:40. I've been continuously late to work since I started driving him and while my boss doesn't mind when people come in late...*I* mind b/c it's minutes out of my timesheet..therefore I'm getting paid less.

OH...and omg...on Monday I sat outside his corner waiting on him for over 20 minutes before he called me and told me "oops..i forgot to call you this weekend to tell you I'm not going to work today". You have no idea how close I came to killing everyone on the roads that morning. Plus he wears this really strong cologne/aftershave/deoderant that stinks up my car and STAYS in my car for a long time. It probably isn't an unpleasant smell but b/c it's so strong (and with the sun/weather warming up my car throughout the day) it makes me want to puke.

I'm too nice to really say anything or express how angry I am...the only thing i HAVE said was that I don't like taking the local route because it's really too slow...plus it's not as comfortable as driving on the highway b/c i'm not familiar with the local roads. He said he understood but he STILL waits at the corner where I'd have no choice but to take the local way.

I don't know what to do at this point. It's starting to really stress me out. I'm not getting paid as much as I should be and on top of that I'm angry with this person I don't even really know. I don't want to drive him anymore..but I can't think of a nice/safe way to tell him w/o it sounding bad. I know during work I harly ever see him..he's in the warehouse and only comes up to the offices occasionally to update one of the coordinators on a domestic shipment. But even so..I dont' want to make it so that he hates me or make things awkward.

Should I just continue to suffer (2 years? omg)...or stand up for myself and let him go? And if I should let him go..how should I do it so that everyone doesn't hate each other?


I'm sorry this is so long. But if anyone has read this far..please help me out! 🙁
 
You don't owe him anything. Call him and tell him he broke your verbal agreement and that you will no longer honor it either. Done deal.
 
Originally posted by: Jikininki
I also told him he needed to be out there waiting by 7:30am..he told me he'll be there by 7:20 just in case.

...

He doesn't show up until 7:35-7:40.
Click to expand...

If he's not there at 7:30, burn rubber.
 
Originally posted by: Tu13erhead
Originally posted by: Jikininki
I also told him he needed to be out there waiting by 7:30am..he told me he'll be there by 7:20 just in case.

...

He doesn't show up until 7:35-7:40.
Click to expand...

If he's not there at 7:30, burn rubber.
Click to expand...

Exactly, and roll down his window in the morning. He'll get the picture really qucikly.
 
Originally posted by: Tu13erhead
Originally posted by: Jikininki
I also told him he needed to be out there waiting by 7:30am..he told me he'll be there by 7:20 just in case.

...

He doesn't show up until 7:35-7:40.
Click to expand...

If he's not there at 7:30, burn rubber.
Click to expand...

I'd say give him 7:35... but don't drive past the agreed-upon corner. He can see you from there, right?
 
stop being such a tool and tell this guy what you just told us, and then tell him to screw off if he's not going to meet the terms of agreement.
 
No fancy explanations required. Just tell him that this arrangement isn't working out for you, and he needs to find another ride

His failure at life:
Inability to keep a DL
Inability to be on time
Failure to pay his own way

Is NOT your problem, and you can't afford to let it effect you
 
dude wtf

I can see being put on the spot and agreeing.. but this guy won't have a license for TWO YEARS. You might as well say/do something now.


At 7:31; LEAVE. If he's not at the specified corner, LEAVE.


The gas money thing - not a lot you can do other than not pick him up. Personally, I'd time it where I needed gas between picking him and work - and make him pay while he's there.
 
This is easy...

"Bob, whenever you are late meeting me in the mornings that makes me late for work and I like to be on time for work. In the future, I'm not going to wait for you. At 7:30 I'm going to be on my way. I don't want you to be stuck without a ride, but you need to be on time every day from now on. Understand?" That solves your pay problem as well as wondering if he forgot to tell you he's not going to work on a certain day.

Every Monday, ask for the $10 gas for the week. That solves his "forgetfulness" problem.

Ask him if he could wait to apply cologne until you get to work because you are sensitive to perfumes and colognes and it makes you ill.

Whether he gets mad or not, is not something you can control. You are within your rights to take appropriate action, and if he doesn't like it, he's within his rights to find alternative transportation. You aren't being unreasonable.
 
Originally posted by: kranky
This is easy...

"Bob, whenever you are late meeting me in the mornings that makes me late for work and I like to be on time for work. In the future, I'm not going to wait for you. At 7:30 I'm going to be on my way. I don't want you to be stuck without a ride, but you need to be on time every day from now on. Understand?" That solves your pay problem as well as wondering if he forgot to tell you he's not going to work on a certain day.

Every Monday, ask for the $10 gas for the week. That solves his "forgetfulness" problem.

Ask him if he could wait to apply cologne until you get to work because you are sensitive to perfumes and colognes and it makes you ill.

Whether he gets mad or not, is not something you can control. You are within your rights to take appropriate action, and if he doesn't like it, he's within his rights to find alternative transportation. You aren't being unreasonable.
Click to expand...



That sounds soooo easy and awesome....in my head. I'm one of those who avoids confrotations like the plague...epecially when it's someone I do'nt really know.

But would it be rude to maybe write him an email then? This way I can avoid talking to him in person and give him time to process my requests? Ehh..
 
I would just stop picking him up. Start NOW. If he asks, tell him "I forgot to tell you I'm not picking you up anymore"
 
Option 1: get some balls and put your foot down. Tell him your hours got changed and you cant pick him up anymore

Option 2: Nothing will change
 
Originally posted by: Jikininki
Originally posted by: kranky
This is easy...

"Bob, whenever you are late meeting me in the mornings that makes me late for work and I like to be on time for work. In the future, I'm not going to wait for you. At 7:30 I'm going to be on my way. I don't want you to be stuck without a ride, but you need to be on time every day from now on. Understand?" That solves your pay problem as well as wondering if he forgot to tell you he's not going to work on a certain day.

Every Monday, ask for the $10 gas for the week. That solves his "forgetfulness" problem.

Ask him if he could wait to apply cologne until you get to work because you are sensitive to perfumes and colognes and it makes you ill.

Whether he gets mad or not, is not something you can control. You are within your rights to take appropriate action, and if he doesn't like it, he's within his rights to find alternative transportation. You aren't being unreasonable.
Click to expand...



That sounds soooo easy and awesome....in my head. I'm one of those who avoids confrotations like the plague...epecially when it's someone I do'nt really know.

But would it be rude to maybe write him an email then? This way I can avoid talking to him in person and give him time to process my requests? Ehh..
Click to expand...

No, do it in person. You will feel great afterwards. The hard part is knowing what to say, and it's all spelled out for you above. It's not a confrontation! It's setting boundaries on behavior that is negatively affecting you. You need to be assertive in correcting the problem. There's nothing wrong with that.

This is not an fix-it-with-email issue. He doesn't need time to think about it. He only needs to be there on time, and pay you as agreed. If he doesn't want to do that, that's his choice, and he will have to live with the consequences.

Please, do it in person and let us know how it goes.
 
He has more than three hours of pay; I'd say leave him. He is costing you money because he is a screw up. You've already done more than you have to.
 
Man this is not hard at all. Just pick him up for work tomorrow and tell him that you won't be able to take him any more. You have no obligation to explain yourself, and if he asks why just say "scheduling conflict." That's it, no matter how many times he asks just say you have a scheduling conflict, you do NOT need to explain anything to him other than the fact that you will no longer be providing him with a ride.
 
Originally posted by: Jikininki
That sounds soooo easy and awesome....in my head. I'm one of those who avoids confrotations like the plague...epecially when it's someone I do'nt really know.
Click to expand...
You really, really, really must rethink this attitude in life. You are getting the EXACT opposite effect that you want. You are making the inevitable confrontations far worse. You are making the thing you dread, 100 times more dreadful. Why, oh why do you want that?

On the very first day he missed his corner, all you needed to do was say "Please meet me at that other corner, it is much more convenient". That confrontation would be harmless and simple. Problem solved.

Now you (a) have had 4 weeks of anger build up and (b) you now must have a much bigger confrontation. You need to ask him to be on time, you have to demand money plus back money, you have to demand that he be on time, you have to demand that he calls you when he doesn't work. Now tell me this, which of those two confrontations is more painful? Clearly the latter. You just made your life much worse and made the thing you want to avoid much more unpleasant.

Apply this to your whole life. Do a very minor confrontation immediately instead of trapping yourself into a horrible blow-up later.
 
Step 1: grow some balls

Step 2: make the guy pay up or he doesn't ride

STEP 3: If he pays then you can continue to pick him up. Only stop at the corner you designate. If he is not there at the proper time then move on. He will learn in a day or two.

Step 4: Marvel at how nice your new pair of big balls feel.
 
Just tell the guy that it's not working out. You can offer to continue getting him to work for the remainder of this week, that way you can tell him you're giving him a little time to figure out an alternative.
 
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