I work in a foreclosure/Bankruptcy law firm (representing the banks.) Not the most rewarding job, but it has a good paycheck. Anyhoo, 3:00pm rolls around today, like any other Friday. And just like any Friday afternoon when I'm try to get things closed up for the next week, I get many frantic calls from our clients. This was my favorite:
Client: Hi, this is &&&& from %%%%. We have a problem for the foreclosure Monday morning. We knew the taxes were due last quarter, but we didn't pay them anyway.
Me: OK.
Client: We just got a notice that they're going to seize the property ahead of our foreclosure if the taxes aren't paid by Monday!
Me: They can't just seize a property like that. When did you get the notice? The town has to give at least 30 days notice for a seizure to all interested parties.
Client: Um, today?
Me: What's the received date stamped on the envelope?
Client: Um, August 5, 2005.
Me: *hits mute button* *opens Napoleon Dynamite WAV folder* IDIOT! *releases mute button*
Me: What town is it? *prays it's nearby*
Client: Pittsfield. <==~3 hours drive away.
Me: Please hold. *hits hold button* Goddamn short-bus riding, overpaid, slacking Uncle f@*ker! *releases hold*
Me: OK, how much is the amount due? We'll write a check, hand deliver it, and add it to our fees.
Client: I don't think you can do that without approval from a Corporate officer..
Me: Please hold. *hits hold button* This nonsensical rant involving vultures and rotted meat being packed into client's anal crevice censored *releases hold*
Me: How long will corporate approval take?
Client: Um, they've all left for the weekend.
Me: Please hold. *hits hold button* *bangs head on desk while cursing in Italian* *releases hold*
Me: OK. We'll have to wait until Monday morning then. Please have ---- call me ASAP.
Client: She's on vacation next week. Huh, I wonder who's in charge of that when she's gone. Maybe it's ****. No, wait he handles repay plans. Maybe it's ////. I thought he quit, though.
Me: *interrupting a nonsensical babbling that would go on indefinitly otherwise* WHOEVER IT IS, just have them call me ASAP. Thanks, bye.
Client: Oh. I'll have to check with my supervisor if I can give you that info. I'll e-mail you later, OK. Bye! Have a great weekend!
Me: *pours 32oz Red Sox cup full of Jack & Coke* *drinks it* *weeps pitifully until phone rings again*
So my question is, why do we all put up with and continue to do business with clients like this? With the exception of 'we are all drug/alcohol dependent Sado-Masochists', or 'it's a vast alcohol company conspiracy to further their trade', I really don't understand it. It's not like it's confined to banks or lawyers either. I'm sure everyone here regardless of industry / position has had to deal with conversations that would make Ralph Wiggum's "My cat's breath smells like cat food" seem like a Steven Hawking lecture. Please feel free to post them here, along with any ideas as to why we keep allowing this predictable stream of BS flowing.
Cliffs:
1. Friday, 3:00PM. Want to tie up loose ends
2. Numerous panicked clients with nonsensical bumbling
3. Heavy drinking ensues
4. ...
5. I tell client to 'fsck off and die', ... er I mean, Profit?
Share your stories / ideas.
Client: Hi, this is &&&& from %%%%. We have a problem for the foreclosure Monday morning. We knew the taxes were due last quarter, but we didn't pay them anyway.
Me: OK.
Client: We just got a notice that they're going to seize the property ahead of our foreclosure if the taxes aren't paid by Monday!
Me: They can't just seize a property like that. When did you get the notice? The town has to give at least 30 days notice for a seizure to all interested parties.
Client: Um, today?
Me: What's the received date stamped on the envelope?
Client: Um, August 5, 2005.
Me: *hits mute button* *opens Napoleon Dynamite WAV folder* IDIOT! *releases mute button*
Me: What town is it? *prays it's nearby*
Client: Pittsfield. <==~3 hours drive away.
Me: Please hold. *hits hold button* Goddamn short-bus riding, overpaid, slacking Uncle f@*ker! *releases hold*
Me: OK, how much is the amount due? We'll write a check, hand deliver it, and add it to our fees.
Client: I don't think you can do that without approval from a Corporate officer..
Me: Please hold. *hits hold button* This nonsensical rant involving vultures and rotted meat being packed into client's anal crevice censored *releases hold*
Me: How long will corporate approval take?
Client: Um, they've all left for the weekend.
Me: Please hold. *hits hold button* *bangs head on desk while cursing in Italian* *releases hold*
Me: OK. We'll have to wait until Monday morning then. Please have ---- call me ASAP.
Client: She's on vacation next week. Huh, I wonder who's in charge of that when she's gone. Maybe it's ****. No, wait he handles repay plans. Maybe it's ////. I thought he quit, though.
Me: *interrupting a nonsensical babbling that would go on indefinitly otherwise* WHOEVER IT IS, just have them call me ASAP. Thanks, bye.
Client: Oh. I'll have to check with my supervisor if I can give you that info. I'll e-mail you later, OK. Bye! Have a great weekend!
Me: *pours 32oz Red Sox cup full of Jack & Coke* *drinks it* *weeps pitifully until phone rings again*
So my question is, why do we all put up with and continue to do business with clients like this? With the exception of 'we are all drug/alcohol dependent Sado-Masochists', or 'it's a vast alcohol company conspiracy to further their trade', I really don't understand it. It's not like it's confined to banks or lawyers either. I'm sure everyone here regardless of industry / position has had to deal with conversations that would make Ralph Wiggum's "My cat's breath smells like cat food" seem like a Steven Hawking lecture. Please feel free to post them here, along with any ideas as to why we keep allowing this predictable stream of BS flowing.
Cliffs:
1. Friday, 3:00PM. Want to tie up loose ends
2. Numerous panicked clients with nonsensical bumbling
3. Heavy drinking ensues
4. ...
5. I tell client to 'fsck off and die', ... er I mean, Profit?
Share your stories / ideas.
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