YAGT: Wow, I feel selfish...

[Jugernot]

I broke up with my girlfriend over a month ago and we haven't talked since then....

We were together for over two years and as you might expect it took some getting to used to... but it wasn't too bad. Our relationship had been rocky for a while, for around 1.5 of the 2 years. We have broken up many times... and got back together... broken up... and got back together... (you get the picture)

Well, as I said, it's been a month and it's starting to hit me in a big way. Since I haven't talked to her or any of our mutual friends in a month I was just wondering how she was doing. She is bipolar and has bouts of depression. So I visited one of her websites that she uses as an online journal. Well... long story short... she blames everything on me, but misses me alot.

Well today, I was feeling a little bit of remourse so I visited her website again... well it seems she has been seeing some other guy. Seems like she is just trying to replace me... but it doesn't seem to be working. She keeps going on about "The company is nice and it's nice to be able to talk. But he isn't you. He doesn't touch me the way you do.."

Now, I know the breakup had to happen, but reading this is tearing me up inside. Yes, I broke it off, but I still feel like crap inside. Selfishly, I'm actually feeling anger toward her that she just found some other guys and slept with him after only a month. She doesn't really have any guy friends, so obviously he's somebody new in her life.

Don't get me wrong, I didn't expect her to just stop having relationships after we broke up. I know that a heart needs what it needs.... but I still feel angry. Yes, it's selfish, but that is how I feel.

To me it seems to be a no brainer, I should just stop lookign at her website and leave it in the past. But that is harder to do that I thought... we were together for 2 years, so it's just hard to drop all contact all at once.

So what do you guys think... am I crazy to wonder about how she's doing? Should I just suck it up and try to eliminate everything that reminds me of her?

Jugs

 

[conjur]

Move on, good sir....move on!

 

[polm]

Link to the online journal would be nice

 

[Orsorum]

Some amount of longing is normal... but you have to give it time, and make the effort to disassociate yourself from her, no matter how painful it is.

She's a big girl, she can take care of herself.

 

[Jugernot]

Originally posted by: polm
Link to the online journal would be nice

It's not a publish site, though it has no protection. If you can find it, you can read it. I will not post the link....

 

[MercenaryForHire]

Originally posted by: Jugernot
To me it seems to be a no brainer, I should just stop lookign at her website and leave it in the past.

You answered your own question. Put this girl behind you.
There's always more fish in the sea / cars in the lot / whatever analogy you want to use. She may have seemed like the only girl you could ever love, but you never know, do you?

- M4H

 

[Jzero]

So what do you guys think... am I crazy to wonder about how she's doing? Should I just suck it up and try to eliminate everything that reminds me of her?

Jugs

Your feelings are normal and rational, however you have to take other path. Don't look at her website. Avoid contact with her. It's going to be awhile before you can even talk to her without it being awkward. Stay away.

 

[Jugernot]

Here is an excerpt:

i won't do you wrong
and i don't wanna be done
i won't lead you on
and i don't wanna be lead

i am not your dream girl
i wouldn't even try to be
i couldn't be who you need
but i may be who you need today

i needed you to remind me
that i needed to feel another
i needed to be felt by another
i needed another perspective

i don't live in the moment
but i should more often
i don't step out on chance
but it didn't hurt me to try

we're both on a rebound from life
we're both in transition to who we'll become
we're both rediscovering and reassessing
i think today we share much common ground

we're both in search of something,
but we're not searching for each other
yet look at what we found last night
i wonder what today will bring

we can help each other through this
we can fill the void today
we can inspire hope in tomorrow
we can remind each other to look ahead
you can even open up if you want to

i have no expectations
nor do i want any right now
i have no worries in this with us
nor do either of us need any right now

with my heart still wound around a memory
and my mind barely venturing away
you are just what I need right now
i hope i can fulfill some need for you too

 

[Jugernot]

and the one that really got to me... :

the company was nice
but it wasn't you
the change is good for me
taking a chance is what i needed

his touch was gentle
his kisses soft
his skin was warm
but it's not you

it was nice to feel him close
it was refreshing not to wake up alone
it was comforting to have someone to call
but it's not you

there was passion
there was heat
there was sweat
there was exhaustion

but it wasn't you

i may see him again
that's left to show itself
there was a connection
it was nice to talk on my own level

but he wasn't you

i don't want to compare to you
you dumped me and left w/o a word
i don't want that in my life
and i wouldn't want it to continue

but you, are you

amazement was your kiss
extasy was your touch
astounding was the connection
with you

it will take a lot to lose the feeling
it will take much work to forget
i'll have to work at not remembering
it going to hurt me every time for a while

because it's not you

 

[Lotheron]

psycho...

 

[Jugernot]

^

 

[Jugernot]

Ok, so the general consensus is that I shouldn't read her site anymore and I should just try to forget her...

 

[amnesiac]

Originally posted by: Jugernot
Ok, so the general consensus is that I shouldn't read her site anymore and I should just try to forget her...

Well, DUH. What are you expecting people to tell you, to get back together with her and be miserable together again? Go ahead and do that if you're a glutton for punishment. If you want to be a normal, rational human being, then delete the site from your bookmarks, don't ever go there again, and do everything in your God-given power to avoid any contact with her for at least a year.

I know it's hard; I broke up with a g/f of 3.5 years and it took the better part of 2 years to get over her. The first two months I was dead to the world. I cried, slept, woke up, cried, and went back to sleep. For the next six months we had sporadic contact, often resulting in depression, rage, arguments, and threats. But I survived, and now I'm stronger and a better person because of that. I can't say the same for her, but she took her own path.

Just take solace in knowing whatever path you take you were an important part of your ex's life and always will be in her heart, even though you'll never be with her again. Instead of concentrating on what was or what could have been, just accept it as it is, know you are loved despite the fact, and press on. You will find someone better. You will forget. Just give it time.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

 

[Jugernot]

Originally posted by: amnesiac 2.0

Originally posted by: Jugernot
Ok, so the general consensus is that I shouldn't read her site anymore and I should just try to forget her...

Well, DUH. What are you expecting people to tell you, to get back together with her and be miserable together again? Go ahead and do that if you're a glutton for punishment. If you want to be a normal, rational human being, then delete the site from your bookmarks, don't ever go there again, and do everything in your God-given power to avoid any contact with her for at least a year.

I know it's hard; I broke up with a g/f of 3.5 years and it took the better part of 2 years to get over her. The first two months I was dead to the world. I cried, slept, woke up, cried, and went back to sleep. For the next six months we had sporadic contact, often resulting in depression, rage, arguments, and threats. But I survived, and now I'm stronger and a better person because of that. I can't say the same for her, but she took her own path.

Just take solace in knowing whatever path you take you were an important part of your ex's life and always will be in her heart, even though you'll never be with her again. Instead of concentrating on what was or what could have been, just accept it as it is, know you are loved despite the fact, and press on. You will find someone better. You will forget. Just give it time.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

Nope, I wasn't expecting anyone go tell me to go running back, but I wasn't sure if I should contact her to put my mind at ease. That is all... our relationship is over and there is no going back. I understand that... in fact, I don't want a relationship with her anymore. She was much too emotionally abusive and too unpredictable... yes, woman are unpredictable... but just imagine one that is bipolar with a history of sexual abuse. Ohhh, and I forgot to mention, she was 12 years older than me (I'm 21). Yes, it was bad...

 

[tweakmm]

I don't think I'm ever going to get in a relationship with anybody bi-polar again...

 

[Jugernot]

Originally posted by: tweakmm
I don't think I'm ever going to get in a relationship with anybody bi-polar again...

Me neither. It definitely complicates a relationship, that is for sure. Not to mention other inevitable complications that come up..