I was in a year and a half relationship...and we technically broke up like 9 months ago but were still seeing eachother up until like 3 months ago. Always thought it was really "not that great" or I "could do better". Whenever things were rough and we did have a "break" I had access to all kinds of women. It's like the old saying, "when it rains it pours". Now that I see her finally talking about another guy to me that she is interested in, it is finally making me face the reality I denied so long. I could have treated her better, I could have made things work, and I am not the type of person who comes from a strong family - I don't do well when I am isolated emotionally. She is just so picky I never thought I would see the day, but she showed me his pic and I was thinking, "well Fuvk, he looks alot like me" but with none of the problems of course. EDIT - Not trying to say I am the sh!t, just she only dates guys of my ethnicity, its just hard to explain.
Now that I changed jobs from retail to a warehouse where there is literally one other dude in the entire place on my shift, it certainly isn't easy to meet people anymore, even with my part-time college schedule. Every convo I get into with a chick lately has them either talking about their babies/baby daddy or boyfriend within two minutes.
I feel like Karma is b!tch slapping the hell out of me right now. I never anticipated this kind of mental anguish and pain - and I NEVER do until it happens. I wrote a page long letter that I probably will never give to my ex (or if so in a different form) just kind of explaining my epiphanies. It isn't even an attempt to get her back anymore, it is just like a sad realization of "Wow, I F'd up here, then I F'd up here, and yeah remember when you told me that? This is what was going on in my head so I finally admit I F'd up there too!"
I am probably going to see her tomorrow on a strictly platonic basis. I feel like just buying her crap or taking her out just to relieve my self-guilt. Just to tell Daddy-Karma, Jesus, or whoever "you win, you have me on my knees and I am weak, I feel your pain and your wrath."
Then I have to look in the mirror and ask myself, "Is this girl really worth THIS much mental torment, or is it the guy in the mirror and your disgust adding to it?" Crazy times in D22's brain, crazy times indeed. Anyone else analyze the hell out of these situations? I mean, the only good thing is I feel like I am facing the real me for the first time in a loooooong time.
Now that I changed jobs from retail to a warehouse where there is literally one other dude in the entire place on my shift, it certainly isn't easy to meet people anymore, even with my part-time college schedule. Every convo I get into with a chick lately has them either talking about their babies/baby daddy or boyfriend within two minutes.
I feel like Karma is b!tch slapping the hell out of me right now. I never anticipated this kind of mental anguish and pain - and I NEVER do until it happens. I wrote a page long letter that I probably will never give to my ex (or if so in a different form) just kind of explaining my epiphanies. It isn't even an attempt to get her back anymore, it is just like a sad realization of "Wow, I F'd up here, then I F'd up here, and yeah remember when you told me that? This is what was going on in my head so I finally admit I F'd up there too!"
I am probably going to see her tomorrow on a strictly platonic basis. I feel like just buying her crap or taking her out just to relieve my self-guilt. Just to tell Daddy-Karma, Jesus, or whoever "you win, you have me on my knees and I am weak, I feel your pain and your wrath."
Then I have to look in the mirror and ask myself, "Is this girl really worth THIS much mental torment, or is it the guy in the mirror and your disgust adding to it?" Crazy times in D22's brain, crazy times indeed. Anyone else analyze the hell out of these situations? I mean, the only good thing is I feel like I am facing the real me for the first time in a loooooong time.
Facebook
Twitter