YAGT: When the mutual attraction is acknowledged

[skywalker66]

Many people say that when the mutual attraction is acknowledged that's when the relationship starts. Do you guys agree with this?

I've heard that you should be friends with a girl for awhile before you start dating her, that way you can start a relationship off on the right foot. Just do things as together as friends... and then start dating...

But where's the distinction between doing things 1on1 as friends, an dating? they seem pretty similar. In both cases you are just trying to get to know the person better. Does dating imply that you both understand that a mutual attraction is present?

If this is the case... then here's the problem, if you are friends for a long time and then want to go out with her, if she says no then you've wasted all that time,
whereas if you ask right away, sure it might make things kind of awkward, but it cuts right to the question, doesnt it? thus saving you a lot of time.

So what is the better route?

 

[spaceman]

i think there is a window.
wait too long, and youll be just a friend.

 

[TommyVercetti]

The better route is the one which involves more doing, and less theorizing. Coming up with theories about dating gets nobody nowhere. Being confident does.

 

[skywalker66]

where does that window begin though?

after you become really good friends with her,
or is the window before you even become friends, or what?

 

[spaceman]

Originally posted by: skywalker66
where does that window begin though?

after you become really good friends with her,
or is the window before you even become friends, or what?

contrary to what others may say physical attraction has to be there.

the window in my experience has always been early on or not at all<--- this could also be for mutual reasons.

 

[skywalker66]

Originally posted by: TommyVercetti
The better route is the one which involves more doing, and less theorizing. Coming up with theories about dating gets nobody nowhere. Being confident does.

look pal,

I'm not going to do the wrong thing consistently and get no where in life. If you don't know what you gotta do, and you always do the wrong thing, you are never going to get anywhere.

thats why i suggest developing a good general idea of how i should go about it.

 

[TheBDB]

If you treat a girl like a friend in the beginning she will put you in the friend category and never have sex with you. Don't try to be friends and hope it evolves into something else.

 

[TommyVercetti]

Originally posted by: skywalker66

Originally posted by: TommyVercetti
The better route is the one which involves more doing, and less theorizing. Coming up with theories about dating gets nobody nowhere. Being confident does.

look pal,

I'm not going to do the wrong thing consistently and get no where in life. If you don't know what you gotta do, and you always do the wrong thing, you are never going to get anywhere.

thats why i suggest developing a good general idea of how i should go about it.

Been there, done that! Asked too many questions, came up with too many theories. When the time came to do something, then it was another story all togather. Just like I asked many questions like these too! There are no right or wrong answers when it comes to relationships.

 

[imported_Tomato]

Originally posted by: skywalker66
Many people say that when the mutual attraction is acknowledged that's when the relationship starts. Do you guys agree with this?

I've heard that you should be friends with a girl for awhile before you start dating her, that way you can start a relationship off on the right foot. Just do things as together as friends... and then start dating...

But where's the distinction between doing things 1on1 as friends, an dating? they seem pretty similar. In both cases you are just trying to get to know the person better. Does dating imply that you both understand that a mutual attraction is present?

If this is the case... then here's the problem, if you are friends for a long time and then want to go out with her, if she says no then you've wasted all that time,
whereas if you ask right away, sure it might make things kind of awkward, but it cuts right to the question, doesnt it? thus saving you a lot of time.

So what is the better route?

I disagree with the idea that a relationship starts when mutual attraction is acknowledged. Personally, I can remember quite a few cases in which a male and I have mentioned our physical attraction to each other, but nothing transpired from that. I think my friend Jason is extremely attractive, but we've never been anything more than just friends.

There are no set "rules" in terms of what to do first... I generally like to establish a friendship before entering a relationship, but there are always exceptions to the rule (i.e. in the case of my current boyfriend, we kind of rushed into the bf/gf label thing and are still getting to know each other).

I suppose the only distinction between doing things 1-on-1 as friends vs. dating is the physical component of it? I wouldn't kiss a friend on the lips on a friendly-outing, but would probably do so on a date if I were so inclined.

"If this is the case... then here's the problem, if you are friends for a long time and then want to go out with her, if she says no then you've wasted all that time," I think that's a kind of sad statement. Why would you consider it "wasting time" if you've gained a genuine friend? Is it considered a "waste of time" if you don't get any romantic satisfaction from it?

If you like the person, get to know her for who she is... if something more develops, fabulous, but at the very least, you can come out of it with a good female friend (which are benefitial to have... i.e. they have other female friends they could introduce you to, etc. if your end goal is a relationship).

 

[skywalker66]

Originally posted by: TheBDB
If you treat a girl like a friend in the beginning she will put you in the friend category and never have sex with you. Don't try to be friends and hope it evolves into something else.

I dont want sex though

Im not having sex until I'm married, *yes I'm one of those crazy religious nuts*

bottom line is that I just want a relationship. And thats what I wanna know how to get.

 

[TommyVercetti]

Originally posted by: skywalker66

Originally posted by: TheBDB
If you treat a girl like a friend in the beginning she will put you in the friend category and never have sex with you. Don't try to be friends and hope it evolves into something else.

I dont want sex though

Im not having sex until I'm married, *yes I'm one of those crazy religious nuts*

bottom line is that I just want a relationship. And thats what I wanna know how to get.

BROTHER!!!! Jesus loves both of us *hug*

 

[Zenmervolt]

You can be friends without ever dating. You can "hook up" sexually without ever being friends. But you cannot, under any circumstances, have a long-term and healthy relationship without being friends.

Mutual attraction is a necessary but not sufficient condition for a healthy and long-term relationship. Obviously no relationship will work without mutual attraction but there are an almost infinite number of other variables that will come into play to help determine where things go once mutual attraction is revealed.

ZV

 

[Kadarin]

Originally posted by: TommyVercetti

Originally posted by: skywalker66

Originally posted by: TheBDB
If you treat a girl like a friend in the beginning she will put you in the friend category and never have sex with you. Don't try to be friends and hope it evolves into something else.

I dont want sex though

Im not having sex until I'm married, *yes I'm one of those crazy religious nuts*

bottom line is that I just want a relationship. And thats what I wanna know how to get.

BROTHER!!!! Jesus loves both of us *hug*

You go with your bad selves...

 

[Pandaren]

You can be friends without ever dating. You can "hook up" sexually without ever being friends. But you cannot, under any circumstances, have a long-term and healthy relationship without being friends.

Mutual attraction is a necessary but not sufficient condition for a healthy and long-term relationship

ZV, I couldn't have said it better myself. Too bad nobody finds me attractive

 

[Spagina]

You have to express some sexual interest from the very start and willingness to act on it. Trying to be friends first only leads to giving you a friend. A relationship first starts out sexually, then as you get to know the person they become the friend, not the other way around. You will hijack your chances nearly everytime (except for a few rare instances) if you try to be a stand offish friend. Let the girl know you find her sexually exciting and she will immediately know that your not looking to be "Just a friend." Bear in mind, I'm not saying bang her as soon as possible, but kiss her, touch her, let her know you like and enjoy her body and her presence. She will reciprocate.

 

[skywalker66]

Originally posted by: Dezign


"If this is the case... then here's the problem, if you are friends for a long time and then want to go out with her, if she says no then you've wasted all that time," I think that's a kind of sad statement. Why would you consider it "wasting time" if you've gained a genuine friend? Is it considered a "waste of time" if you don't get any romantic satisfaction from it?

If you like the person, get to know her for who she is... if something more develops, fabulous, but at the very least, you can come out of it with a good female friend (which are benefitial to have... i.e. they have other female friends they could introduce you to, etc. if your end goal is a relationship).

I guess I didn't really come off clear on my statement about "wasting time" I guess that was a little blunt and fast thought out, it is true that you have gotten a genuine friend.

I guess in my case there are really only 2 things I care about socially: Finding a good group of friends that I can hang out with, and finding a girlfriend that I really like.
Other girls to hang out with as friends are fine too, I guess its just that usually girls arent part of your 'main group' of friends that you are most comfortable around, because there's always that tension about the possibility of a relationship in the back of your minds, isn't there?

I guess thats why I dont consider friends relationships with girls as important as i do friends relationships with guys, but of course finding the 'one' girl is still important, and i will still become friends with girls if it helps me reach that goal,
okay so lets just say becoming friends with a girl isnt a waste. On that note, do you think it's better to wait and become good friends first before dating,
or do you think you might as well just date off the bat?

 

[BrunoPuntzJones]

Take it to the bone closet...

 

[Wag]

You wake up?