YAGT: what a messsss. someone help. UPDATED read post #73

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y2kc

Platinum Member
Sep 2, 2000
2,547
0
76
Originally posted by: chin311
Originally posted by: y2kc
Originally posted by: chin311
UPDATE

ok, sunday. the day after she got home.

she breaks up with him, said shes tired of how he treats her and she's not happy anymore. every time they've broke up before, they are usually back together the same day, but this time it's for good, she promises that. she wants to wait for me to be with her and is gonna come down in april to visit for a week or so. so we can see where things go, but she's not gonna be with anyone else and we are basically together just waiting to be with each other in the flesh.

any questions? things i should think about? she did this and wants to be with me, so that is kinda crazy, i didn't think it would happen, not this fast. she must be serious?


1. she's too young to be "serious"
2. she's on the rebound

my advice: make no promises, don't fall in love (with this one), expect her to go back to bf and enjoy the ride(s).

1. i meant like serious about "US" or being with me etc
2. i dont know if thats true or not, shes not really a dependant type person

1. i know what you meant. she's too young to be "serious" about anything. 18yo girls=definition of fickle and flighty.

2. her willingness to jump from one relatioship to another reeks of dependence. she needs someone in her life to be happy. she should have left the bf if he didn't do the job. "but noooo", she had to have a replacement lined up before she could pull out.

expect clinginess and lots of bootyjuice for a while, followed by a sudden (guilt driven)distance follwed by a return to the bf.

she's 18, which is fine. i love 18 yo women, they are extremely easy on the eyes so i understand. i'm just saying have fun and protect yourself. if you let yourself go here you could end up hurt.
 

ajskydiver

Golden Member
Jan 7, 2000
1,147
1
86
He's more distraught because he never saw this coming...he thought their relationship was fine because that's probably exactly what she wanted him to believe.

Do you know how most women end relationships?

1. It starts when they get "unhappy" - life, the relationship, etc.
2. They wait for the guy to change and make them happy.
3. She doesn't start to feel happy/change, so she begins to emotionally leave the relationship.
4. After weeks/months/years (depending on the length of the relationship), she successfully removes herself emotionally from the relationship.
5. This happens internally and the relationship appears completely normal - friends, family, etc. have no idea -- especially the man.
6. a. She breaks up with the guy <-----extremely rare
b. She waits for a reason/excuse to breakup with him - such as another guy.

Sadly, most men are oblivious to this happening (usually no fault of their own) and the woman never effectively communicates just how unhappy she is/was.

~AJ

-- Disclaimer
Not all women do this -- just ones who are emotionally screwed up with poor communication skills. Wait, that's most of them ;)
 

arcenite

Lifer
Dec 9, 2001
10,660
7
81
STAY AWAY MAN STAY AWAY!!!!!!!!!!

edit: and honestly at first, I thought you were talking about your cousin...
 

lavaheadache

Diamond Member
Jan 28, 2005
6,893
14
81
Originally posted by: aRCeNiTe
STAY AWAY MAN STAY AWAY!!!!!!!!!!

edit: and honestly at first, I thought you were talking about your cousin...

that would make for so excellent reading though!
 

chin311

Diamond Member
Feb 27, 2003
4,306
3
81
Originally posted by: y2kc
Originally posted by: chin311
Originally posted by: y2kc
Originally posted by: chin311
UPDATE

ok, sunday. the day after she got home.

she breaks up with him, said shes tired of how he treats her and she's not happy anymore. every time they've broke up before, they are usually back together the same day, but this time it's for good, she promises that. she wants to wait for me to be with her and is gonna come down in april to visit for a week or so. so we can see where things go, but she's not gonna be with anyone else and we are basically together just waiting to be with each other in the flesh.

any questions? things i should think about? she did this and wants to be with me, so that is kinda crazy, i didn't think it would happen, not this fast. she must be serious?


1. she's too young to be "serious"
2. she's on the rebound

my advice: make no promises, don't fall in love (with this one), expect her to go back to bf and enjoy the ride(s).

1. i meant like serious about "US" or being with me etc
2. i dont know if thats true or not, shes not really a dependant type person

1. i know what you meant. she's too young to be "serious" about anything. 18yo girls=definition of fickle and flighty.

2. her willingness to jump from one relatioship to another reeks of dependence. she needs someone in her life to be happy. she should have left the bf if he didn't do the job. "but noooo", she had to have a replacement lined up before she could pull out.

expect clinginess and lots of bootyjuice for a while, followed by a sudden (guilt driven)distance follwed by a return to the bf.

she's 18, which is fine. i love 18 yo women, they are extremely easy on the eyes so i understand. i'm just saying have fun and protect yourself. if you let yourself go here you could end up hurt.

thanksss for not being an ass and giving real advice...noone can seem to handle that in here, but i understand its a forum lol.

anyways...i dont know if i was a replacement and i had to be there for her to actually do it...but i know she's broken up with him before but they've gotten back together only for the same thing to happen again because they go back to fighting and not gettin along etc, yes, im sure im sort of REASON for her to be able to leave easily, but id think all i did was make her see that she doesn't need someone who will treat her like that and she can do better?

another thing, i know the dependence thing you are speaking of, but at least i have the fact that she can't like IMMEDIATELY be with me, because i dont live there, she has to wait a month and 2 weeks just to SEE me again, so she can prove herself in that time and see what happens. thats why im going up there for a week or so in april to see how it is being with her constantly, see how the job market is, scope out the whole situation, im not just picking up and moving there ASAP.
 

lavaheadache

Diamond Member
Jan 28, 2005
6,893
14
81
Originally posted by: chin311
Originally posted by: y2kc
Originally posted by: chin311
Originally posted by: y2kc
Originally posted by: chin311
UPDATE

ok, sunday. the day after she got home.

she breaks up with him, said shes tired of how he treats her and she's not happy anymore. every time they've broke up before, they are usually back together the same day, but this time it's for good, she promises that. she wants to wait for me to be with her and is gonna come down in april to visit for a week or so. so we can see where things go, but she's not gonna be with anyone else and we are basically together just waiting to be with each other in the flesh.

any questions? things i should think about? she did this and wants to be with me, so that is kinda crazy, i didn't think it would happen, not this fast. she must be serious?


1. she's too young to be "serious"
2. she's on the rebound

my advice: make no promises, don't fall in love (with this one), expect her to go back to bf and enjoy the ride(s).

1. i meant like serious about "US" or being with me etc
2. i dont know if thats true or not, shes not really a dependant type person

1. i know what you meant. she's too young to be "serious" about anything. 18yo girls=definition of fickle and flighty.

2. her willingness to jump from one relatioship to another reeks of dependence. she needs someone in her life to be happy. she should have left the bf if he didn't do the job. "but noooo", she had to have a replacement lined up before she could pull out.

expect clinginess and lots of bootyjuice for a while, followed by a sudden (guilt driven)distance follwed by a return to the bf.

she's 18, which is fine. i love 18 yo women, they are extremely easy on the eyes so i understand. i'm just saying have fun and protect yourself. if you let yourself go here you could end up hurt.

thanksss for not being an ass and giving real advice...noone can seem to handle that in here, but i understand its a forum lol.

anyways...i dont know if i was a replacement and i had to be there for her to actually do it...but i know she's broken up with him before but they've gotten back together only for the same thing to happen again because they go back to fighting and not gettin along etc, yes, im sure im sort of REASON for her to be able to leave easily, but id think all i did was make her see that she doesn't need someone who will treat her like that and she can do better?

another thing, i know the dependence thing you are speaking of, but at least i have the fact that she can't like IMMEDIATELY be with me, because i dont live there, she has to wait a month and 2 weeks just to SEE me again, so she can prove herself in that time and see what happens. thats why im going up there for a week or so in april to see how it is being with her constantly, see how the job market is, scope out the whole situation, im not just picking up and moving there ASAP.

I was giving you real advice. Hit it while can, and dont get emotionally attached. That gooing to be a tough move for you though. Florida to NY. the northeast is having a cold a$$ winter this year
 

Hyperblaze

Lifer
May 31, 2001
10,027
1
81
Originally posted by: chin311
Originally posted by: y2kc
Originally posted by: chin311
Originally posted by: y2kc
Originally posted by: chin311
UPDATE

ok, sunday. the day after she got home.

she breaks up with him, said shes tired of how he treats her and she's not happy anymore. every time they've broke up before, they are usually back together the same day, but this time it's for good, she promises that. she wants to wait for me to be with her and is gonna come down in april to visit for a week or so. so we can see where things go, but she's not gonna be with anyone else and we are basically together just waiting to be with each other in the flesh.

any questions? things i should think about? she did this and wants to be with me, so that is kinda crazy, i didn't think it would happen, not this fast. she must be serious?


1. she's too young to be "serious"
2. she's on the rebound

my advice: make no promises, don't fall in love (with this one), expect her to go back to bf and enjoy the ride(s).

1. i meant like serious about "US" or being with me etc
2. i dont know if thats true or not, shes not really a dependant type person

1. i know what you meant. she's too young to be "serious" about anything. 18yo girls=definition of fickle and flighty.

2. her willingness to jump from one relatioship to another reeks of dependence. she needs someone in her life to be happy. she should have left the bf if he didn't do the job. "but noooo", she had to have a replacement lined up before she could pull out.

expect clinginess and lots of bootyjuice for a while, followed by a sudden (guilt driven)distance follwed by a return to the bf.

she's 18, which is fine. i love 18 yo women, they are extremely easy on the eyes so i understand. i'm just saying have fun and protect yourself. if you let yourself go here you could end up hurt.

thanksss for not being an ass and giving real advice...noone can seem to handle that in here, but i understand its a forum lol.

anyways...i dont know if i was a replacement and i had to be there for her to actually do it...but i know she's broken up with him before but they've gotten back together only for the same thing to happen again because they go back to fighting and not gettin along etc, yes, im sure im sort of REASON for her to be able to leave easily, but id think all i did was make her see that she doesn't need someone who will treat her like that and she can do better?

another thing, i know the dependence thing you are speaking of, but at least i have the fact that she can't like IMMEDIATELY be with me, because i dont live there, she has to wait a month and 2 weeks just to SEE me again, so she can prove herself in that time and see what happens. thats why im going up there for a week or so in april to see how it is being with her constantly, see how the job market is, scope out the whole situation, im not just picking up and moving there ASAP.


seriously....who has been an ass about this situation? All we've been doing is been giving real advice. Maybe it just isn't the type of advice you wanted to hear. That's a different story. But don't you dare call us asses just because you don't like what you heard from us.
 

pclstyle

Platinum Member
Apr 14, 2004
2,364
0
0
Originally posted by: anxi80
too many variables. it was a fling. simple as that. thank you, come again.

both of you come across as pretty immature. seriously, who writes cheesy text messages like that. she doesn't have any semblance of creativity. believe me, sex doesn't equal love, and if your biggest issue now is that she's still hooking up with her boyfriend and that steams you up, then you have something really bad coming to you. making life-changing decisions over a girl just cause you hit it a few times is something you're absolutely going to regret later. keep away from it while you still can, before you let yourself get dragged somewhere you really don't want to be.

do you really think your "love" is special, and that it can outlast all odds? do you really believe no one else has exeperienced any feelings like you have, and that no one else knows sh!t about what you're talking about? get a clue, learn from experience.
 

Hyperblaze

Lifer
May 31, 2001
10,027
1
81
Originally posted by: Aj_UF
He's more distraught because he never saw this coming...he thought their relationship was fine because that's probably exactly what she wanted him to believe.

Do you know how most women end relationships?

1. It starts when they get "unhappy" - life, the relationship, etc.
2. They wait for the guy to change and make them happy.
3. She doesn't start to feel happy/change, so she begins to emotionally leave the relationship.
4. After weeks/months/years (depending on the length of the relationship), she successfully removes herself emotionally from the relationship.
5. This happens internally and the relationship appears completely normal - friends, family, etc. have no idea -- especially the man.
6. a. She breaks up with the guy <-----extremely rare
b. She waits for a reason/excuse to breakup with him - such as another guy.

Sadly, most men are oblivious to this happening (usually no fault of their own) and the woman never effectively communicates just how unhappy she is/was.

~AJ

-- Disclaimer
Not all women do this -- just ones who are emotionally screwed up with poor communication skills. Wait, that's most of them ;)

sounds completely illogical.
 

cressida

Platinum Member
Sep 10, 2000
2,840
5
81
Originally posted by: chin311
Originally posted by: y2kc
Originally posted by: chin311
Originally posted by: y2kc
Originally posted by: chin311
UPDATE

ok, sunday. the day after she got home.

she breaks up with him, said shes tired of how he treats her and she's not happy anymore. every time they've broke up before, they are usually back together the same day, but this time it's for good, she promises that. she wants to wait for me to be with her and is gonna come down in april to visit for a week or so. so we can see where things go, but she's not gonna be with anyone else and we are basically together just waiting to be with each other in the flesh.

any questions? things i should think about? she did this and wants to be with me, so that is kinda crazy, i didn't think it would happen, not this fast. she must be serious?


1. she's too young to be "serious"
2. she's on the rebound

my advice: make no promises, don't fall in love (with this one), expect her to go back to bf and enjoy the ride(s).

1. i meant like serious about "US" or being with me etc
2. i dont know if thats true or not, shes not really a dependant type person

1. i know what you meant. she's too young to be "serious" about anything. 18yo girls=definition of fickle and flighty.

2. her willingness to jump from one relatioship to another reeks of dependence. she needs someone in her life to be happy. she should have left the bf if he didn't do the job. "but noooo", she had to have a replacement lined up before she could pull out.

expect clinginess and lots of bootyjuice for a while, followed by a sudden (guilt driven)distance follwed by a return to the bf.

she's 18, which is fine. i love 18 yo women, they are extremely easy on the eyes so i understand. i'm just saying have fun and protect yourself. if you let yourself go here you could end up hurt.

thanksss for not being an ass and giving real advice...noone can seem to handle that in here, but i understand its a forum lol.

anyways...i dont know if i was a replacement and i had to be there for her to actually do it...but i know she's broken up with him before but they've gotten back together only for the same thing to happen again because they go back to fighting and not gettin along etc, yes, im sure im sort of REASON for her to be able to leave easily, but id think all i did was make her see that she doesn't need someone who will treat her like that and she can do better?

another thing, i know the dependence thing you are speaking of, but at least i have the fact that she can't like IMMEDIATELY be with me, because i dont live there, she has to wait a month and 2 weeks just to SEE me again, so she can prove herself in that time and see what happens. thats why im going up there for a week or so in april to see how it is being with her constantly, see how the job market is, scope out the whole situation, im not just picking up and moving there ASAP.

Sorry but who are you to judge their relationship? You only know 1 out of the 2 and how would you know "she deserves better" from what she just told you? Maybe they both deserve a better relationship cuz they weren't tailored made for each other? You'll just look at the positive side of this situation and go ahead but in the end you'll more than likely get hurt.
 

chin311

Diamond Member
Feb 27, 2003
4,306
3
81
Originally posted by: cressida
Originally posted by: chin311
Originally posted by: y2kc
Originally posted by: chin311
Originally posted by: y2kc
Originally posted by: chin311
UPDATE

ok, sunday. the day after she got home.

she breaks up with him, said shes tired of how he treats her and she's not happy anymore. every time they've broke up before, they are usually back together the same day, but this time it's for good, she promises that. she wants to wait for me to be with her and is gonna come down in april to visit for a week or so. so we can see where things go, but she's not gonna be with anyone else and we are basically together just waiting to be with each other in the flesh.

any questions? things i should think about? she did this and wants to be with me, so that is kinda crazy, i didn't think it would happen, not this fast. she must be serious?


1. she's too young to be "serious"
2. she's on the rebound

my advice: make no promises, don't fall in love (with this one), expect her to go back to bf and enjoy the ride(s).

1. i meant like serious about "US" or being with me etc
2. i dont know if thats true or not, shes not really a dependant type person

1. i know what you meant. she's too young to be "serious" about anything. 18yo girls=definition of fickle and flighty.

2. her willingness to jump from one relatioship to another reeks of dependence. she needs someone in her life to be happy. she should have left the bf if he didn't do the job. "but noooo", she had to have a replacement lined up before she could pull out.

expect clinginess and lots of bootyjuice for a while, followed by a sudden (guilt driven)distance follwed by a return to the bf.

she's 18, which is fine. i love 18 yo women, they are extremely easy on the eyes so i understand. i'm just saying have fun and protect yourself. if you let yourself go here you could end up hurt.

thanksss for not being an ass and giving real advice...noone can seem to handle that in here, but i understand its a forum lol.

anyways...i dont know if i was a replacement and i had to be there for her to actually do it...but i know she's broken up with him before but they've gotten back together only for the same thing to happen again because they go back to fighting and not gettin along etc, yes, im sure im sort of REASON for her to be able to leave easily, but id think all i did was make her see that she doesn't need someone who will treat her like that and she can do better?

another thing, i know the dependence thing you are speaking of, but at least i have the fact that she can't like IMMEDIATELY be with me, because i dont live there, she has to wait a month and 2 weeks just to SEE me again, so she can prove herself in that time and see what happens. thats why im going up there for a week or so in april to see how it is being with her constantly, see how the job market is, scope out the whole situation, im not just picking up and moving there ASAP.

Sorry but who are you to judge their relationship? You only know 1 out of the 2 and how would you know "she deserves better" from what she just told you? Maybe they both deserve a better relationship cuz they weren't tailored made for each other? You'll just look at the positive side of this situation and go ahead but in the end you'll more than likely get hurt.


i wasnt calling anyone an ASS. im just saying the advice comes across that way depending on how you say it.

i dont know, im gonna have a long talk with my cousin tonite, shes her best friend, she'll be honest with me, at least i have that advantage, its not like i only know the girl, my cousin wouldnt let me get f'd over.
 

cressida

Platinum Member
Sep 10, 2000
2,840
5
81
Originally posted by: chin311
Originally posted by: cressida
Originally posted by: chin311
Originally posted by: y2kc
Originally posted by: chin311
Originally posted by: y2kc
Originally posted by: chin311
UPDATE

ok, sunday. the day after she got home.

she breaks up with him, said shes tired of how he treats her and she's not happy anymore. every time they've broke up before, they are usually back together the same day, but this time it's for good, she promises that. she wants to wait for me to be with her and is gonna come down in april to visit for a week or so. so we can see where things go, but she's not gonna be with anyone else and we are basically together just waiting to be with each other in the flesh.

any questions? things i should think about? she did this and wants to be with me, so that is kinda crazy, i didn't think it would happen, not this fast. she must be serious?


1. she's too young to be "serious"
2. she's on the rebound

my advice: make no promises, don't fall in love (with this one), expect her to go back to bf and enjoy the ride(s).

1. i meant like serious about "US" or being with me etc
2. i dont know if thats true or not, shes not really a dependant type person

1. i know what you meant. she's too young to be "serious" about anything. 18yo girls=definition of fickle and flighty.

2. her willingness to jump from one relatioship to another reeks of dependence. she needs someone in her life to be happy. she should have left the bf if he didn't do the job. "but noooo", she had to have a replacement lined up before she could pull out.

expect clinginess and lots of bootyjuice for a while, followed by a sudden (guilt driven)distance follwed by a return to the bf.

she's 18, which is fine. i love 18 yo women, they are extremely easy on the eyes so i understand. i'm just saying have fun and protect yourself. if you let yourself go here you could end up hurt.

thanksss for not being an ass and giving real advice...noone can seem to handle that in here, but i understand its a forum lol.

anyways...i dont know if i was a replacement and i had to be there for her to actually do it...but i know she's broken up with him before but they've gotten back together only for the same thing to happen again because they go back to fighting and not gettin along etc, yes, im sure im sort of REASON for her to be able to leave easily, but id think all i did was make her see that she doesn't need someone who will treat her like that and she can do better?

another thing, i know the dependence thing you are speaking of, but at least i have the fact that she can't like IMMEDIATELY be with me, because i dont live there, she has to wait a month and 2 weeks just to SEE me again, so she can prove herself in that time and see what happens. thats why im going up there for a week or so in april to see how it is being with her constantly, see how the job market is, scope out the whole situation, im not just picking up and moving there ASAP.

Sorry but who are you to judge their relationship? You only know 1 out of the 2 and how would you know "she deserves better" from what she just told you? Maybe they both deserve a better relationship cuz they weren't tailored made for each other? You'll just look at the positive side of this situation and go ahead but in the end you'll more than likely get hurt.


i wasnt calling anyone an ASS. im just saying the advice comes across that way depending on how you say it.

i dont know, im gonna have a long talk with my cousin tonite, shes her best friend, she'll be honest with me, at least i have that advantage, its not like i only know the girl, my cousin wouldnt let me get f'd over.

sigh, your cousin maybe friends with her but how that girl is in relationships is something your cousin has no control over ... you just don't get it.
 

chin311

Diamond Member
Feb 27, 2003
4,306
3
81
no i understand....but she is her best friend and if anyone would know she would be my best shot, you know?

im just gonna go with the flow and go in april and see what devolps and go from there, nothing else i CAN do.
 

Pepsei

Lifer
Dec 14, 2001
12,895
1
0
so, why did your cousin bring her down there to visit you in the first place? to hook her up with you?

 

Muadib

Lifer
May 30, 2000
17,978
861
126
You never answered my question, chin311. Before this girl, when did you last have sex?
 

PingSpike

Lifer
Feb 25, 2004
21,747
579
126
I just read the cliffs but...

Just say no to (relationships) with girls who have boyfriends. Even if she does dump him for you, that magic will likely come around your way soon enough.