YAGT: The "I Need Space" thread... *update 01/08*

[bockchow]

Originally posted by: flamingelephant
she may want the following:

1) leave her alone - to give her the space she needs

2) set a marriage date - to show her you are serious

Either of which shows balls, which my guess is according to her you havn't shown in regards to this relationship yet. I'll never understand why people get engaged without setting a date. So, maybe you should tell her that you want to set a date, and make it like a year away, not 3 years down the road or something like that. I think she may want a show of force and balls from you, maybe you should step up

i'll agree that you need to step up and stop letting this be a one sided relationship but if you walk up and start trying to set a date it will be the last time you ever talk to this girl. if she wanted to set a date she'd tell you.

 

[preslove]

Originally posted by: lightpants
1. get the ring back
2. sell ring and buy new liver for mom
3. ?????
4. Profit!!

Fixed!

 

[TheLonelyPhoenix]

Originally posted by: DougK62
In all seriousness, how many people was she with before you?

I've discovered a strange thing with women that age where they will REFUSE to even think about settling down unless they've kissed X amount of guys, screwed Y amount of guys, had Z relationships, etc.

It's a numbers game. Very strange to me.

Wow. I've never heard it put this way, but yeah, that's exactly right.

 

[Red]

Originally posted by: DougK62
I missed the part where you said you suddenly stopped screwing when you normally do it like rabbits. That's a HUGE sign that she's already with someone else. You guys are both horny young people - she knows that she can get it from you if she wants to. She just doesn't have to because she's getting dicked by someone else. Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt.

That's the last thing I wanted to hear :/ I'll be a little hurt if we break up.... but I'll be more hurt if some other dude is already porking her. She has told me twice that it has NOTHING to do with another person, but it's weird that she won't hold my hand. I hope for my sake that you're wrong.

 

[maziwanka]

Originally posted by: Red

Originally posted by: DougK62
I missed the part where you said you suddenly stopped screwing when you normally do it like rabbits. That's a HUGE sign that she's already with someone else. You guys are both horny young people - she knows that she can get it from you if she wants to. She just doesn't have to because she's getting dicked by someone else. Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt.

That's the last thing I wanted to hear :/ I'll be a little hurt if we break up.... but I'll be more hurt if some other dude is already porking her. She has told me twice that it has NOTHING to do with another person, but it's weird that she won't hold my hand. I hope for my sake that you're wrong.

im just shocked dude. you're having these kinds of problems while youre engaged to her? please. for the love of god, get out of this relationship and find someone better

 

[Pliablemoose]

Ok, the YAGT's are just getting painful....

Red, your only hope @ redemption is to have her post in this thread.

 

[flamingelephant]

so Red... what are you gonna do?

 

[BD2003]

Originally posted by: Red

Originally posted by: DougK62
I missed the part where you said you suddenly stopped screwing when you normally do it like rabbits. That's a HUGE sign that she's already with someone else. You guys are both horny young people - she knows that she can get it from you if she wants to. She just doesn't have to because she's getting dicked by someone else. Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt.

That's the last thing I wanted to hear :/ I'll be a little hurt if we break up.... but I'll be more hurt if some other dude is already porking her. She has told me twice that it has NOTHING to do with another person, but it's weird that she won't hold my hand. I hope for my sake that you're wrong.

Do you REALLY, REALLY, REALLY want to know whether or not she wants to break up with you, or just wants a break?

Then break up with her. Tell her youre not playing games. Should be obvious within a matter of seconds by the look on her face.

 

[hop12]

Originally posted by: Red

Originally posted by: DougK62
I missed the part where you said you suddenly stopped screwing when you normally do it like rabbits. That's a HUGE sign that she's already with someone else. You guys are both horny young people - she knows that she can get it from you if she wants to. She just doesn't have to because she's getting dicked by someone else. Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt.

That's the last thing I wanted to hear :/ I'll be a little hurt if we break up.... but I'll be more hurt if some other dude is already porking her. She has told me twice that it has NOTHING to do with another person, but it's weird that she won't hold my hand. I hope for my sake that you're wrong.

She's probably telling the truth. It's different for girls. If a girl is not happy, she's not going feel like hooking up - simple as that. It doesn't mean she's with someone else.

 

[Red]

Do you REALLY, REALLY, REALLY want to know whether or not she wants to break up with you, or just wants a break?

Then break up with her. Tell her youre not playing games. Should be obvious within a matter of seconds by the look on her face.

A couple days ago I told her I don't know how much time/space I can give her because I don't see how it's healthy for our relationship. I told her that I am not in her shoes, so I don't know what she is going through so I will respect her request for time.... just don't expect all the time in the world.

She said she understand that is not fair for me, but she is trying to work things out in her mind. She said it doesn't help when I bug her and I try to talk about it.

 

[DougK62]

Originally posted by: Red

Originally posted by: DougK62
I missed the part where you said you suddenly stopped screwing when you normally do it like rabbits. That's a HUGE sign that she's already with someone else. You guys are both horny young people - she knows that she can get it from you if she wants to. She just doesn't have to because she's getting dicked by someone else. Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt.

That's the last thing I wanted to hear :/ I'll be a little hurt if we break up.... but I'll be more hurt if some other dude is already porking her. She has told me twice that it has NOTHING to do with another person, but it's weird that she won't hold my hand. I hope for my sake that you're wrong.

I was in your same exact situation twice - both were 3 year relationships, both wanted to take a "break", both swore there was no one else. It turned out in both cases that they had found someone new. I got played because i was so "in love". I wish I would've had the balls to stand up for myself and end it on MY terms. It would've hurt at the time, but I would've thought more highly of myself while getting over the situation. Oh well.

Spy on her!

 

Sorry to hear this Red, if i were you, id get the hell outta this. Id move on with my life. She was cheating on you by kissing another guy when you were engaged. Just my .02$

 

[ragazzo]

Originally posted by: Red

Do you REALLY, REALLY, REALLY want to know whether or not she wants to break up with you, or just wants a break?

Then break up with her. Tell her youre not playing games. Should be obvious within a matter of seconds by the look on her face.

A couple days ago I told her I don't know how much time/space I can give her because I don't see how it's healthy for our relationship. I told her that I am not in her shoes, so I don't know what she is going through so I will respect her request for time.... just don't expect all the time in the world.

She said she understand that is not fair for me, but she is trying to work things out in her mind. She said it doesn't help when I bug her and I try to talk about it.

don't bug her. start doing your own thing again. be with friends, family, get into your hobbies again. just don't try finding another girl until you know it's over.

 

[PanzerIV]

Red, I don't know why I am even bothering to respond to your thread because we all know by now you won't take anyones advice because she has you seriously whipped. This girl is bad news. Time after time you come in here and post what she has done and how she wants her freedom blah blah blah. What does it take for you to get a clue? She is young, wants to sleep around and uses you as her trusty standby. Stop giving her the satisfaction and become a man.

I am not trying to be mean but seriously you need to wake up. Do you think this girl is going to remain faithful and by your side for the long haul?? Do you want to have kids with her and get a divorce in a few years because she is still trying to find herself? This is what is going to happen. We all see it, why don't you?

 

[Red]

Spy on her!

I thought about that for a little while, but then it made me feel like I would be pondscum for wondering about her "whereabouts" and sinking low enough to spy. Sounds very fun and tempting though, in light of things.

 

[tallest1]

Originally posted by: Red

Do you REALLY, REALLY, REALLY want to know whether or not she wants to break up with you, or just wants a break?

Then break up with her. Tell her youre not playing games. Should be obvious within a matter of seconds by the look on her face.

A couple days ago I told her I don't know how much time/space I can give her because I don't see how it's healthy for our relationship. I told her that I am not in her shoes, so I don't know what she is going through so I will respect her request for time.... just don't expect all the time in the world.

She said she understand that is not fair for me, but she is trying to work things out in her mind. She said it doesn't help when I bug her and I try to talk about it.

Whoa whoa dude. Exactly how many times have you contacted her when she explicitly told you to back off?

 

[Red]

Originally posted by: PanzerIV
Red, I don't know why I am even bothering to respond to your thread because we all know by now you won't take anyones advice because she has you seriously whipped. This girl is bad news. Time after time you come in here and post what she has done and how she wants her freedom blah blah blah. What does it take for you to get a clue? She is young, wants to sleep around and uses you as her trusty standby. Stop giving her the satisfaction and become a man.

I am not trying to be mean but seriously you need to wake up. Do you think this girl is going to remain faithful and by your side for the long haul?? Do you want to have kids with her and get a divorce in a few years because she is still trying to find herself? This is what is going to happen. We all see it, why don't you?

It's a lot harder when you're on the inside like me Panzer =( The longer I don't see her, to more I don't want to be with her, so it's getting easier day by day. So hard to deal with this.

 

[Red]

Whoa whoa dude. Exactly how many times have you contacted her when she explicitly told you to back off?

She's called me about probably 5 nights out of 8 to tell me good night. SHE asked me to go out to lunch a couple days ago and I went with her. I've not once called to just "chat" or try to see her, but when we were at lunch she said she woudldn't have decided to eat lunch with me if she knew I was going to start getting confrontational with her.

 

[BD2003]

Originally posted by: Red

Do you REALLY, REALLY, REALLY want to know whether or not she wants to break up with you, or just wants a break?

Then break up with her. Tell her youre not playing games. Should be obvious within a matter of seconds by the look on her face.

A couple days ago I told her I don't know how much time/space I can give her because I don't see how it's healthy for our relationship. I told her that I am not in her shoes, so I don't know what she is going through so I will respect her request for time.... just don't expect all the time in the world.

She said she understand that is not fair for me, but she is trying to work things out in her mind. She said it doesn't help when I bug her and I try to talk about it.

So youre engaged for years, and she says that talking about your problems are "bugging her"? That means she doesnt want to work it out. Everyone here is too quick to jump to the conclusion that she is banging another guy, but its not impossible.

Listen, asking to take a break after 2 years of engagement isnt a wait and see situation. Its a "what the fvck do you need to take a break NOW for" situation. If she isnt willing to talk about it, shes hiding something.

I've said it before, and Ill say it again. The only proper way to deal with these situations is to step up to the plate and be a man about it. Not pussyfooting around the issue because youre afraid of offending her and thinking that might push her away. Shes already moving herself away, you can either let her slip, or you can stop being a punk and demand REAL explanations.

 

Originally posted by: Red
We talked about it a couple days ago, and she told me she still needs space, but said I shouldn't worry about our relationship. She said the cause of the space is that she thinks we (she and I) have been taking life too seriously for 22 year olds. She said that she needs the space because she misses hanging out with her girlfriends as much as she used to, so she has been doing that the past couple of days. She said she needs the time to think things through and she wants to make sure that our relationship is what she wants for the rest of her life. She wants to decide now rather than 5 years from now when we're married and/or have kids.

Red, honey, I love you, but I've got to be blunt with you ... well, I am candid with you because I love ya: What part of this message don't you understand? This woman's been pleading with you to let her go. She wants you to send her away with blessings, but you don't get it; do you? The message is written on the wall and is visible, but you're still so desperate. Why the fear and desperation? You have to let her go. If you don't do it now and voluntarily, it will be a messy break-up. You won't see eye-to-eye anymore. Just let her go. It's difficult, but it's beneficial to you two, and you stand a chance of her returning to you if she ever finds herself. Red, she's asked for this from you implicitly so many times, but you never understood why. Let her go! Don't try to force something that isn't meant to be because some things aren't meant to be after all; and if they're meant to be, they will.

I sent her this letter through e-mail a couple days ago: Click here

Never, ever, share your significant other's letters and other correspondences with the public without her consent--while you're still with her. That's disrespectful. Your letter to her addressing problems and even happy letters should stay between both of you, in my opinion. If she saw this, I think she would drop you instantly like a bad habit; expecting you to have known better.

 

[batmang]

hrmm..... i just recently got engaged, and ive been with my gf for over 4 years, living together for 3.

im 22, shes 21, typical high school sweethearts i guess. we were both virgins, we de-flowered eachother (YAY! bust that nut!)

and we both know we want to get married, we want a house, etc. ive never felt the type of spark we had when we first started dating, EVER. it was the same with her. we just knew we wanted to be together for the rest of our lives, and i still feel the same way almost 5 years after meeting her. we've never had a " seperation period ", hell, we've never even had a major fight or a breakup. when things get heated, im the one whos calm and listens. shes the one who likes to vent, as i take it in. then i break down the arguements, show my point of view, we explain our points and then we get over it. we learn from the arguements and we still love each other the same no matter what.

thats how it should be between your fiance and yourself. if she kissed another man, drunk or not, what the fvck was she doing hanging around another man drunk anyway?
your fiance seems insecure about herself to have had that many partners in 1 year. shes seems like she doesnt know what she wants in life, and her hormones are more of a directional guide then her own mind. it doesnt take more then a week for someone to realize what they want in life, they should at least have an idea and stop torturing their partner.

what shes doing right now, is wrong. in all aspects. if she cant explain herself to you face to face, saying she needs space to think, thats just selfish. its not right to you, and its just downright wrong. when im upset, or feel insecure with my relationship, i fvcking say something when the time is right, but i do not let it linger. that only makes you hurt.

for one, shes wrong for saying she needs space for no reason. theres gotta be a reason, and shes obviously hiding something. either it be another man, girl (omg?), or she is jut unsure, shes still hiding something.

if she cant explain herself, tell her to gtfo.

you cant tolerate her shlt for too long without knowing she is not the one. if she cannot explain herself, pack up her shlt and drop it off, tell her to call you when shes ready to talk.

turn the tables and see how she feels, its not right for her to do this, if she wants space, tell her to get out and tell her to call you when " shes ready " to talk.

its a big waste of your time to sit and wait for a selfish girl who seems to have her head in her ass.

 

[DougK62]

Originally posted by: Red

Spy on her!

I thought about that for a little while, but then it made me feel like I would be pondscum for wondering about her "whereabouts" and sinking low enough to spy. Sounds very fun and tempting though, in light of things.

Hire an ATOTer to do it!

 

[BD2003]

If youre dating you can take a break. If youre engaged, then youre having second thoughts.

 

[batmang]

Originally posted by: BD2003
If youre dating you can take a break. If youre engaged, then youre having second thoughts.

exactly.

 

[Red]

This is why YAGTs are always hard. Half of you tell me that I need to stop bugging the girl and give her what she wants if I want to stand a chance.... while the other half are advising me to get in her face and figure out what's up... or simply drop her like a bad habit now before I get hurt anymore.

Decisions, decisions.