I know I'm being stupid about this, so please be my logical side and slap some sense into me.
Summary of relationship:
She's a 2nd year pre-architecture/graphic design/no idea what she is doing. She wanted to do architecture but couldn't cut it mathmatically (struggled in both calc 1 and non-calc based physics), so she really isn't sure what she is doing now.
I'm a 3rd year computer engineer, looking to go into patent law. We've been dating 7 months, and have had mild problems since about a month into it. Even before we started dating I had questions about whether or not we would work well, because she seemed a bit too shy and dependent, and I like my girlfriends to have a life of their own. I liked her for a few months before we started dating, but she was in a BAD relationship and took a while getting out of it. We started dating pretty much as soon as they broke up.
We lived 3 hours away over the summer and saw each other once every 2-3 weeks. It was annoying, but tolerable. I took it easier than she did because I was working 55 hours a week as opposed to the 20 she was putting in. I also have 3-4 very close friends in my home town, whereas she only has 1, so I was constantly busy and she sat around thinking about me all day. Things were great once we got back to school. We spent a lot of time together, but I eventually began to realize she had literally 0 friends outside of me. Anyone she hung out with was either a friend of mine, or at best a mutual friend (and it was genereally the former).
The initial fire died down (for me at least), and I began to realize that all of the deep connections I thought we had were gone. We used to have great conversations (before we started dating), but I'm now certain those were entirely fueled by me. All of our common hobbies were things she had learned from me, except for our mutual love for tennis. I taught her golf, and she claims to like it, though I doubt if she would continue to play if we broke up. She started coming to church with me, and she likes that, but I'm not sure if she would keep coming if we broke up. She claims she would, and I really hope that is true, but it's very difficult to tell sometimes. Basically, our entire social life was fueled by things I like to do. Her other proclaimed hobbies include photography and art, but even when she was alone over the summer she hardly spent any time in them. It was as if her entire life was devoted to me and what I wanted to do, and I cannot stand that. She is far more attached to me than I am to her, and that always spells trouble.
I broke up with her a month or so ago, and was confident in my decision for a while, though I still had feelings for her. She was crushed, and did the usual girl thing of refusing to eat for a few days. Rather than trying to move on she just obsessed over me and started spending time hanging out with my more personal friends who I introduced her to. I was happy that they got along, and she made the claim that she can be friends with whomever she wants, but a week after we broke up I didn't really want her barging back into my social life so quickly. If she had so many other friends as she claimed, she should have hung out with them, rather than attaching herself to my best friend's gf and my roomate's gf. I felt very down for a bit, and thought of her constantly. I decided I needed to give it another shot or I wouldn't be able to live without knowing what could have been. We were fine for a week and a half or so, and made plans to spend Christmas with both of our families, but a few days before exams were over I started to get sick of her again. I just don't feel the desire to spend time with her. I'm not as attracted to her as I once was, and can't help but feel that there are so many other girls out there who I would like to meet. Now we are here early Christmas morning, she is asleep in the other room of my parents' house and I am stuck trying to not give it away that I'm basically planning to break up with her as soon as the holidays are over. I didn't want to do anything too quickly and cancel our Christmas plans, but I really wish I had now. I just don't see myself lasting until the end of the next semester, let alone spending my entire life with her.
Pro's of our relationship:
She is very respectful, sweet, and caring
Similar morals, religious beliefs
My family likes her
My friends think she is nice (though far too shy)
Similar interests (mostly things I have taught her)
Similar tastes (she basically adapted to my style of music, movies, and clothing)
Con's:
Severe intellectual differences (maybe.... 20 IQ points?... just a guess). It's enough to effect the way we communicate, and also leads to the next problem:
I don't respect her opinion much, which isn't fair to her. I've become very dominant in our relationship, which isn't what I want. I know I am a slightly dominant person by nature, and I love being in control of my OWN life, but I feel that I need someone who can fight back and stand up to me if I am wrong. I don't want to control her life, yet she is passive and seems to prefer that I handle everything.
Dwindling physical attraction
Her family.... sucks. She doesn't like them. I don't like them. They are jealous of how strong her feelings for me are. It's basically a disaster, and I am dreading seeing them tomorrow. Her passiveness also makes itself known here, as she finds it incredibly difficult to stand up to them when they are being beyond ridiculous.... and Lord knows I am not going to fight her battles for her. I made that mistake with a previous gf and it was ugly.
Social differences may be the biggest problem. I'm very outgoing and friendly, and love to meet new people. She is very reserved and shy, and I almost feel guilty when I introduce her to people. I can just tell she is scared. She is even quiet around my closest friends whom she has met 20+ times
..... and I just don't enjoy spending time with her anymore
I can tell just by writing this that I'm staying with her out of guilt..... and possibly fear of being single again. It's so free and wonderful, but it can also be a bit scary. I'm so picky about who I date, I'm afraid one day I'll just have to settle for someone who isn't ideal. Maybe that's what love is all about???? I can't stand the thought of hurting her, but I don't feel like I can force myself to love her (nor would I really want to if I could)
Someone give it to me straight.....
Summary of relationship:
She's a 2nd year pre-architecture/graphic design/no idea what she is doing. She wanted to do architecture but couldn't cut it mathmatically (struggled in both calc 1 and non-calc based physics), so she really isn't sure what she is doing now.
I'm a 3rd year computer engineer, looking to go into patent law. We've been dating 7 months, and have had mild problems since about a month into it. Even before we started dating I had questions about whether or not we would work well, because she seemed a bit too shy and dependent, and I like my girlfriends to have a life of their own. I liked her for a few months before we started dating, but she was in a BAD relationship and took a while getting out of it. We started dating pretty much as soon as they broke up.
We lived 3 hours away over the summer and saw each other once every 2-3 weeks. It was annoying, but tolerable. I took it easier than she did because I was working 55 hours a week as opposed to the 20 she was putting in. I also have 3-4 very close friends in my home town, whereas she only has 1, so I was constantly busy and she sat around thinking about me all day. Things were great once we got back to school. We spent a lot of time together, but I eventually began to realize she had literally 0 friends outside of me. Anyone she hung out with was either a friend of mine, or at best a mutual friend (and it was genereally the former).
The initial fire died down (for me at least), and I began to realize that all of the deep connections I thought we had were gone. We used to have great conversations (before we started dating), but I'm now certain those were entirely fueled by me. All of our common hobbies were things she had learned from me, except for our mutual love for tennis. I taught her golf, and she claims to like it, though I doubt if she would continue to play if we broke up. She started coming to church with me, and she likes that, but I'm not sure if she would keep coming if we broke up. She claims she would, and I really hope that is true, but it's very difficult to tell sometimes. Basically, our entire social life was fueled by things I like to do. Her other proclaimed hobbies include photography and art, but even when she was alone over the summer she hardly spent any time in them. It was as if her entire life was devoted to me and what I wanted to do, and I cannot stand that. She is far more attached to me than I am to her, and that always spells trouble.
I broke up with her a month or so ago, and was confident in my decision for a while, though I still had feelings for her. She was crushed, and did the usual girl thing of refusing to eat for a few days. Rather than trying to move on she just obsessed over me and started spending time hanging out with my more personal friends who I introduced her to. I was happy that they got along, and she made the claim that she can be friends with whomever she wants, but a week after we broke up I didn't really want her barging back into my social life so quickly. If she had so many other friends as she claimed, she should have hung out with them, rather than attaching herself to my best friend's gf and my roomate's gf. I felt very down for a bit, and thought of her constantly. I decided I needed to give it another shot or I wouldn't be able to live without knowing what could have been. We were fine for a week and a half or so, and made plans to spend Christmas with both of our families, but a few days before exams were over I started to get sick of her again. I just don't feel the desire to spend time with her. I'm not as attracted to her as I once was, and can't help but feel that there are so many other girls out there who I would like to meet. Now we are here early Christmas morning, she is asleep in the other room of my parents' house and I am stuck trying to not give it away that I'm basically planning to break up with her as soon as the holidays are over. I didn't want to do anything too quickly and cancel our Christmas plans, but I really wish I had now. I just don't see myself lasting until the end of the next semester, let alone spending my entire life with her.
Pro's of our relationship:
She is very respectful, sweet, and caring
Similar morals, religious beliefs
My family likes her
My friends think she is nice (though far too shy)
Similar interests (mostly things I have taught her)
Similar tastes (she basically adapted to my style of music, movies, and clothing)
Con's:
Severe intellectual differences (maybe.... 20 IQ points?... just a guess). It's enough to effect the way we communicate, and also leads to the next problem:
I don't respect her opinion much, which isn't fair to her. I've become very dominant in our relationship, which isn't what I want. I know I am a slightly dominant person by nature, and I love being in control of my OWN life, but I feel that I need someone who can fight back and stand up to me if I am wrong. I don't want to control her life, yet she is passive and seems to prefer that I handle everything.
Dwindling physical attraction
Her family.... sucks. She doesn't like them. I don't like them. They are jealous of how strong her feelings for me are. It's basically a disaster, and I am dreading seeing them tomorrow. Her passiveness also makes itself known here, as she finds it incredibly difficult to stand up to them when they are being beyond ridiculous.... and Lord knows I am not going to fight her battles for her. I made that mistake with a previous gf and it was ugly.
Social differences may be the biggest problem. I'm very outgoing and friendly, and love to meet new people. She is very reserved and shy, and I almost feel guilty when I introduce her to people. I can just tell she is scared. She is even quiet around my closest friends whom she has met 20+ times
..... and I just don't enjoy spending time with her anymore
I can tell just by writing this that I'm staying with her out of guilt..... and possibly fear of being single again. It's so free and wonderful, but it can also be a bit scary. I'm so picky about who I date, I'm afraid one day I'll just have to settle for someone who isn't ideal. Maybe that's what love is all about???? I can't stand the thought of hurting her, but I don't feel like I can force myself to love her (nor would I really want to if I could)
Someone give it to me straight.....
