YAGT: Some questions/looking for input - UPDATED

headRush

Member
Mar 25, 2006
70
0
0
This is not a troll, I know the post count looks suspicious but I would legitimately like some help here.

So the new school year started a while back over here and i'v been at school for about five or so weeks, this year since im a senior(I think thats what grade 11 is called in America). I have a large chuck of free-time and this girl does too, when you have a free period you basically have free time, most people spend it getting work done. I'v started sitting next to her a lot, and we are "friendly", but I wouldn't say friends yet. Anyway, I really like her although I don't know what I'm doing. We talk a bit about random stuff and i'm friendly, I try to flirt but I don't know if im comming on too strong or what... I'm told that I should make subtle references to me and her and drop some sexual orientated jokes, compliment here every now and then, to show her that i'm noticing.

Ill usually sit next to her and pretty much just talk about whatever/flirt a bit/make some playfully mean jokes/laugh with her.

Heres the problem, My best friend of like 9 years is also fairly good friends with her, they are close - he told me that she asked someone out two days ago and he accepted, but she hasn't told me yet and has had AMPLE opportunity, the is a couple of years older and they were previously friends. He came into the school(he graduated last year) and came to meet up with her, it seems. Now, before he came we were flirting a bit and having fun, when he came she sort of started ignoring/not flirting with me. She doesn't know that I know, she is going out with this guy. This leads me to believe that perhaps she may have a thing for me, I only began flirting/really hanging out/showing interest a few days ago, and perhaps she realizes that if I know about her having a boyfriend, out of respect for him and her I will step back and stop flirting.

I'm planning on bringing it up just in passing "blahblahblah, hey how random was it when Charles came back into school like that, it was nice seeing him again, kinda random though blahblahblahblah" and see her response. If she admits that they are going out(I'm pretty sure she hasn't told anyone except my friend), then I will back off out of respect for her, if she plays it off then its fair game, I'm going to keep flirting.

I'v got a few questions, and I honestly don't know where else to go.

Firstly, how should I be flirting? I don't really understand how to do it properly, what i'm doing now is just smiling/making jokes/playfully mean/thats it. How can I show that I am interested in her, without appearing creepy or coming off as a giant tool.

I share a lot of classes with her, if i go and sit next, which I never do, would it be a good idea?

How do I know if she likes me? She kinda flirts back a bit and she kinda subtly pairs us together when shes talking about something, its hard to explain. She calls me over to sit next to her when she is alone, away from my friends.

I can't focus on work, I'm constantly thinking about her, its so frustrating. Theres so much uncertainty.

PS : I'm very confident and I know I look pretty nice, she is also really nice and she isn't incredibly hot, but she defiantly isn't a pushover either. but her personality is wonderful, and thats why I'm going for her.

Cliffs

-Me(16), notices girl that I never really knew/socialized with
-REALLY LIKES HER.
-Doesn't know how to act/show interest in her, without being creepy/a tool.
-Doesn't know how to tell if she likes me
-She has a boyfriend but she hasn't told me, and i know through a mutual friend(My best friend).
-I'm getting the idea that she isn't telling me because she thinks theres something between us, and doesn't want me to back off.

UPDATE
: Ok so... She got dumped by her BF on MSN and she told me. I tried not to be a shoulder to cry on because I didn't want to get friendzoned. Basically I told her to get over it and that it wasn't worth being sad over, in a much more empathic and kind way.

Next day she comes into school and is all like "Thanks for being nice on MSN i'm ok now".

Earlier that day my friend spoke to her, she is tight with him but me and him are like super bestest buddies ever, anyway essentially what happened was that she brought me up to him about how I was cool to her on MSN, and he said "Yea I think he might have a thing for you maybe.." He knows and I told him about it a long time ago, he brought it up to find out what she thought. She then said something about the lines of "Omg really? I can't imagine it working out though..."

Anyway today and for the past few days(week?) after I made this post I took the advice you guys gave me and I was nice/made some jokes about her/joked with her/laughed etc, then she started asking me to come to the photocopier and stuff with her... all good, I turned her down sometimes and I didn't come easily(pun not intended...). Anyway me and her have excellent rapport, she normally asks me to save her a seat in class next to her and stuff... BUT I think i'm in friendzone.

What i'm asking for here is, how can i definitively tell if she has a thing for me or not? My gut tells me she does, but her signals are mixed(or I can't read them).

Tomorrow and the day after i'm going to semi-ignore her, my plan is, (and I want input on what I should be doing from you guys too...) to not engage her in conversations and give her space, if she comes to me then i'll be like "oh hi", and return to my regular conversation, how her that I'm happy when I'm not around her too and that I might not be interested in her(at least that way she doesn't automatically take me out of BF material and put me in friendzone, I'v been told that if they figure out 100% that you like them you are stuck in friendzone.)

So if she comes to me, ill talk to her a bit, if she asks me to do something like save her a seat ill be like "Unless some other chick comes sits next to me", or something along those lines.

Also, I was sitting with my regular friends and I specifically addressed them, I looked at them (not at her, she pulled up a chair and sat next to me). I said something about the trailers for 300 and how I wanted to see it, then she immediately jumps in and says "Yea I wanna see it too." and the conversation just continued.

I'm planning on telling my friend if I come up again to say something like, "Well he doesn't talk about you at all." that will throw her right off.

Cliffs :

-Chicks BF broke up with her on MSN.
-I think I might be in friendzone(?) not sure.
-Planning on ignoring her and seeing if she comes to me for the rest of the week.
-If all goes well I'm planning on asking her out sometime next week.

 

meltdown75

Lifer
Nov 17, 2004
37,548
7
81
First off, you shouldn't really have to *try* to flirt IMHO. If you have chemistry with the person then it just sort of happens.

Secondly, there is nothing wrong with being "just a friend" for now. It sounds like you don't know her all that well anyway. Sit back in the bushes and see how the situation unfolds before you make your move.

I have to stress how downplayed (ie. underrated) the whole "friend zone" thing is. Some of the best little "relationships" I had in high school started out with friendship. When it gets stronger it is a true gift. Think about it - would you rather be the guy that is dating her now and kicked to the curb in a few months / weeks or the guy whose shoulder she is crying on when it happens?

Be cool and wait it out. Don't be too forward. Just be yourself and if something happens, it happens. Don't force the issue, you WILL come off as creepy and needy. Why is it that you can't get her off your mind? Dude, you're 16. good luck.
 

headRush

Member
Mar 25, 2006
70
0
0
I can't though, shes already got a BF and she defiantly isn't the kind of girl to string him along while she dates me at school. Its a guaranteed no. If I ask her now then everything is bound to be totally awkward. She might have feelings for me, but I doubt she's going to dump a guy SHE asked out a few days ago.

edit :
Originally posted by: leftyman
Im calling shens :) you are not 16. No 16 yr old writes like that.

Aspiring writer, I try.

(It helps that firefox has the inbuilt spell checker thing.
 

jlbenedict

Banned
Jul 10, 2005
3,724
0
0
freedomsbeat212 or Triforceofcourage will be along shortly.
They're like the "playas" of ATOT and you should seriously take their advice








:p
 

Cadop

Senior member
Mar 28, 2003
411
1
81
If she already has a BF then he beat you to the punch. No use in persuing it and breaking up a happy couple.
 

headRush

Member
Mar 25, 2006
70
0
0
Originally posted by: Cadop
If she already has a BF then he beat you to the punch. No use in persuing it and breaking up a happy couple.

To be honest, I spent a LONG TIME contemplating that. If he makes her as happy, as she makes me, then I'm happy for her, oddly enough when I heard about it I was calm and in a way, pleased, because I kinda know the guy and hes a really great guy. I wouldn't try to break them up, but if there is mutual attraction and she has feelings for me and my timing was awful... then who knows?
 

brandonb

Diamond Member
Oct 17, 2006
3,731
2
0
The first rule in people interaction is to gauge their interest.

-If a girl is waving you over to sit by her, she is interested...

-If she talks to you only if you make an effort, it means she has less interest but is leaving the window open to see if something develops. This is the most critical area of uncertainty.

-If she talks to you only if you make an effort, but looks bored or doesn't even really look at you when you are talking to her, then she has no interest. So bug off.

One thing people will notice is if you are trying too hard. The rule of thumb is to look ambigious. If you are trying to push yourself on her, she is going to think you are a tool. It has more to do with how you say things rather than what you say. For example look at the 2 lines here. Tell me which one sounds better?

"Hey... I heard that you may be dating Charlie, but I really like you. I think we should go out. Lets go to the dance on Friday then you can come back to my place and we can make out?"

"Hey... We have alot in common. If you would like to talk outside class sometime. Here is my phone number. nnn-nnn-nnnn. Or if you want to give me your phone, I can give you a call sometime."

One is more ambigious than the other. The 2nd one seems like you are confident where you aren't begging her to go out with you, but you are trying to proceed in the relationship and go farther. For some reason, it makes you end up looking like a tool when you try to throw yourself at a chick. They aren't flattered usually. Being more ambigious usually makes you seem like you have confidence (even if you don't) because you aren't worried about getting laid or if a girl will talk to you.

If you give her your number, and she calls, great. If she doesn't, don't get mad or upset, or even question her "Why haven't you called me yet?" That puts you into the no confidence zone. Just ignore it... She will give you the phone number to call her or she will call if she is interested. That is the best way to gauge it... That puts the ball into her court, and you can instantly tell how she feels by what she does. Its the same in reverse. If she gives you phone number, she is going to be gauging your interest based if you call her or not. But if you do call her, don't call her every 20 minutes, etc. Call her, have a nice 30 minute convo the first time, then back off for a week, and see if she will call you back. Again putting the ball into her court...


 

headRush

Member
Mar 25, 2006
70
0
0
Originally posted by: brandonb
The first rule in people interaction is to gauge their interest.

-If a girl is waving you over to sit by her, she is interested...

-If she talks to you only if you make an effort, it means she has less interest but is leaving the window open to see if something develops. This is the most critical area of uncertainty.

-If she talks to you only if you make an effort, but looks bored or doesn't even really look at you when you are talking to her, then she has no interest. So bug off.

One thing people will notice is if you are trying too hard. The rule of thumb is to look ambigious. If you are trying to push yourself on her, she is going to think you are a tool. It has more to do with how you say things rather than what you say. For example look at the 2 lines here. Tell me which one sounds better?

"Hey... I heard that you may be dating Charlie, but I really like you. I think we should go out. Lets go to the dance on Friday then you can come back to my place and we can make out?"

"Hey... We have alot in common. If you would like to talk outside class sometime. Here is my phone number. nnn-nnn-nnnn. Or if you want to give me your phone, I can give you a call sometime."

One is more ambigious than the other. The 2nd one seems like you are confident where you aren't begging her to go out with you, but you are trying to proceed in the relationship and go farther. For some reason, it makes you end up looking like a tool when you try to throw yourself at a chick. They aren't flattered usually. Being more ambigious usually makes you seem like you have confidence (even if you don't) because you aren't worried about getting laid or if a girl will talk to you.

If you give her your number, and she calls, great. If she doesn't, don't get mad or upset, or even question her "Why haven't you called me yet?" That puts you into the no confidence zone. Just ignore it... She will give you the phone number to call her or she will call if she is interested. That is the best way to gauge it... That puts the ball into her court, and you can instantly tell how she feels by what she does. Its the same in reverse. If she gives you phone number, she is going to be gauging your interest based if you call her or not. But if you do call her, don't call her every 20 minutes, etc. Call her, have a nice 30 minute convo the first time, then back off for a week, and see if she will call you back. Again putting the ball into her court...

I have her on MSN and we talk every now and then, asking her for her number would be sort of odd, as i see her everyday but I can understand the principle behind what you are trying to get across. The stuff we talk about, I dunno -- she asked me to go upstairs to a different part of the school because she needed to check something, i obliged. We walked up and a friend of mine who is a bit of a tool, made some retarded comment and I just blew it off/ignored him. We kept walking around and eventually we got to where she needed go and talked a bit and she seemed really responsive in the conversation, she did a lot of the talking, but it was pretty focused on the task at hand. I made a joke here and there and I made some cracks about how I liked what she had done to her eyes, she had some eyeliner on and I said something along the lines "I like what you've done with your eyes, the eyeliner looks nice, but you look kinda skanky now" and laughed about it, but it was jokingly and it was spur of the moment. We went back down to the library and when we got back the same guy made some stupid joke about me and her, and she said something along the lines of "Dont ever insinuate that again, omg thats disgusting." it was all in good fun though, I wasn't exactly paying attention at the time but she seemed repulsed. So I have absolutely no idea how she actually feels because stuff like this keeps happening.
 

eleison

Golden Member
Mar 29, 2006
1,319
0
0
Originally posted by: headRush
This is not a troll, I know the post count looks suspicious but I would legitimately like some help here.

She doesn't like you enough to really be your girlfriend. Your friend - yes; your girlfriend- sadly no...

If you can handle it, be her friend and move on... if not, then buy her a "dick in a box"... you have nothing else to lose except your dignity :)
 

Triforceofcourage

Platinum Member
Feb 21, 2004
2,911
0
71
Originally posted by: jlbenedict
freedomsbeat212 or Triforceofcourage will be along shortly.
They're like the "playas" of ATOT and you should seriously take their advice








:p

Come on, I know I am bad but to group me with Freedomsbeat212 is just wrong :D
 

Triforceofcourage

Platinum Member
Feb 21, 2004
2,911
0
71
Originally posted by: jlbenedict
freedomsbeat212 or Triforceofcourage will be along shortly.
They're like the "playas" of ATOT and you should seriously take their advice








:p

Come on, I know I am bad but to group me with Freedomsbeat212 is just wrong :D
 

jlbenedict

Banned
Jul 10, 2005
3,724
0
0
Originally posted by: Triforceofcourage
Originally posted by: jlbenedict
freedomsbeat212 or Triforceofcourage will be along shortly.
They're like the "playas" of ATOT and you should seriously take their advice








:p

Come on, I know I am bad but to group me with Freedomsbeat212 is just wrong :D

Yeah.. you're probably right. He's at the top of the list :D (with a huge gap down to second place)



 

IceBergSLiM

Lifer
Jul 11, 2000
29,932
3
81
Originally posted by: Cadop
If she already has a BF then he beat you to the punch. No use in persuing it and breaking up a happy couple.

why is there no use in that? Actually there is great use in breaking them up. THen he can have what he wants. Why would he want to put her bf's needs/wants before his. I say fvck her boyfriend who gives a rats ass about him.
 

IceBergSLiM

Lifer
Jul 11, 2000
29,932
3
81
Originally posted by: headRush
Originally posted by: brandonb
The first rule in people interaction is to gauge their interest.

-If a girl is waving you over to sit by her, she is interested...

-If she talks to you only if you make an effort, it means she has less interest but is leaving the window open to see if something develops. This is the most critical area of uncertainty.

-If she talks to you only if you make an effort, but looks bored or doesn't even really look at you when you are talking to her, then she has no interest. So bug off.

One thing people will notice is if you are trying too hard. The rule of thumb is to look ambigious. If you are trying to push yourself on her, she is going to think you are a tool. It has more to do with how you say things rather than what you say. For example look at the 2 lines here. Tell me which one sounds better?

"Hey... I heard that you may be dating Charlie, but I really like you. I think we should go out. Lets go to the dance on Friday then you can come back to my place and we can make out?"

"Hey... We have alot in common. If you would like to talk outside class sometime. Here is my phone number. nnn-nnn-nnnn. Or if you want to give me your phone, I can give you a call sometime."

One is more ambigious than the other. The 2nd one seems like you are confident where you aren't begging her to go out with you, but you are trying to proceed in the relationship and go farther. For some reason, it makes you end up looking like a tool when you try to throw yourself at a chick. They aren't flattered usually. Being more ambigious usually makes you seem like you have confidence (even if you don't) because you aren't worried about getting laid or if a girl will talk to you.

If you give her your number, and she calls, great. If she doesn't, don't get mad or upset, or even question her "Why haven't you called me yet?" That puts you into the no confidence zone. Just ignore it... She will give you the phone number to call her or she will call if she is interested. That is the best way to gauge it... That puts the ball into her court, and you can instantly tell how she feels by what she does. Its the same in reverse. If she gives you phone number, she is going to be gauging your interest based if you call her or not. But if you do call her, don't call her every 20 minutes, etc. Call her, have a nice 30 minute convo the first time, then back off for a week, and see if she will call you back. Again putting the ball into her court...

I have her on MSN and we talk every now and then, asking her for her number would be sort of odd, as i see her everyday but I can understand the principle behind what you are trying to get across. The stuff we talk about, I dunno -- she asked me to go upstairs to a different part of the school because she needed to check something, i obliged. We walked up and a friend of mine who is a bit of a tool, made some retarded comment and I just blew it off/ignored him. We kept walking around and eventually we got to where she needed go and talked a bit and she seemed really responsive in the conversation, she did a lot of the talking, but it was pretty focused on the task at hand. I made a joke here and there and I made some cracks about how I liked what she had done to her eyes, she had some eyeliner on and I said something along the lines "I like what you've done with your eyes, the eyeliner looks nice, but you look kinda skanky now" and laughed about it, but it was jokingly and it was spur of the moment. We went back down to the library and when we got back the same guy made some stupid joke about me and her, and she said something along the lines of "Dont ever insinuate that again, omg thats disgusting." it was all in good fun though, I wasn't exactly paying attention at the time but she seemed repulsed. So I have absolutely no idea how she actually feels because stuff like this keeps happening.

Tell you friend not to be a cockblock or you aren't friends anymore.
 

DougK62

Diamond Member
Mar 28, 2001
8,035
6
81
Originally posted by: IcebergSlim
Originally posted by: Cadop
If she already has a BF then he beat you to the punch. No use in persuing it and breaking up a happy couple.

why is there no use in that? Actually there is great use in breaking them up. THen he can have what he wants. Why would he want to put her bf's needs/wants before his. I say fvck her boyfriend who gives a rats ass about him.

Exactly. There is nothing wrong with going after a girl that has a bf. If she's really into her bf then she'll be quick to shoot you down.

 

headRush

Member
Mar 25, 2006
70
0
0
I'v decided to go slow and see where I end up. I'm about to leave for school so ill update when I get back.
 

LordMorpheus

Diamond Member
Aug 14, 2002
6,871
1
0
Originally posted by: headRush

-I'm getting the idea that she isn't telling me because she thinks theres something between us, and doesn't want me to back off.

No, she's not telling you because it's an akward conversation that she doesn't really want to have.

She's not in your future. Sorry.
 

Fern

Elite Member
Sep 30, 2003
26,907
173
106
Geez dude, you're over-thinking the sh!t out of this.

If you like her, find her interesting/attractive, tell her so. Say you wanna spend some time with her to get to know her better etc.

Oh, and "he told me that she asked someone out two days ago and he accepted" Is that what your calling a BF? Sounds to me like she's just interested in him, sounds like maybe she's interested in you, too.

Try going "staright forward" and quit making it all so complicated. Might work. If it doesn't move on.

Oh and about trying to flirt, IMHO it either comes natural or doesn't. Be yourself, do what's natural for you (your own style, it'll be far more comfortable).

Good luck with it.
 

headRush

Member
Mar 25, 2006
70
0
0
Ok I took the advice given here, I subtly brought it up and she told me they were going out, but there was a definite sign of resignation in her voice when she told me, then she locked eyes with me for like 3-4 seconds, and i was thinking "LOL WTF? ARE YOU SERIOUS!?", clearly there is something there but i'm not going to be "that guy" who is hitting/flirting/trying to get with her when shes going out with someone. Onto the friend ladder I go, she has this thing where she gets involved with male friends so ill wait until she breaks up with her current boyfriend/they fail, wait a little while, then ask her out.

Thanks for the advice guys. Next girl, ill definitely express interest earlier.