YAGT Solutions: How to approach the opposite sex

[RichUK]

Where are all the n00b cakes asking for a sticky, hiding?? :laugh:

 

[LS20]

if youre ugly - or, more diplomatically: if target girl does not find you attractive - aint no words gonna patch it up

 

[eits]

Originally posted by: LS20
if youre ugly - or, more diplomatically: if target girl does not find you attractive - aint no words gonna patch it up

this is probably true 8-9/10 times...

 

[davestar]

Originally posted by: eits

example: i went to see glassjaw when i went back home for winter break with a bunch of my friends. there was an extremely gorgeous girl who was in line in front of us. whenever we got in, we saw the girl and her friends again. my buddies and i started betting how old she was. i said she was probably 19 and they all said 17ish.

so, i walked up to her and her friends and said, "excuse me, my friends over there and i were betting on how old you were. i said 19." she said, "yeah, i'm 19... you?" so, i said i was 23. then, we started talking about glassjaw and whatnot. i talked to her friends, too, but after that, we went off and talked for a bit before the bands played. i ended up getting her number, but didn't call her because she lived in towson, which is like 1.5 hrs away from my house. besides, i go to school in missouri.

nice, i was at that show as well. not sure how much i like the new stuff though.

 

[joecool]

hey, here's a radical idea. how about walking up to a woman and saying, "Hi, my name is xyz. What's yours?" Then try a little small talk - the weather, the big game, the place your in (bar, grocery store, whatever). Then ask her about herself (where are you from, what do you do, seen any good movies, what's your favorite band/tv show/book), maybe give her a compliment - she's pretty, she looks great in that outfit, she's got a smile to stop a tank. It's not hard, guys. What it mostly takes is the courage to do it, and then do it again, and again, and again. You will get better with practice, I promise!

Hey, and on the flip side of the coin, don't worry so bleeding much about meeting a woman. They are nice and fun and all but they aren't the center of the universe. It actually is possible to be happy and lead a fulfilling life without a partner. Try just being happy being you for a while!

 

[eits]

Originally posted by: davestar

Originally posted by: eits

example: i went to see glassjaw when i went back home for winter break with a bunch of my friends. there was an extremely gorgeous girl who was in line in front of us. whenever we got in, we saw the girl and her friends again. my buddies and i started betting how old she was. i said she was probably 19 and they all said 17ish.

so, i walked up to her and her friends and said, "excuse me, my friends over there and i were betting on how old you were. i said 19." she said, "yeah, i'm 19... you?" so, i said i was 23. then, we started talking about glassjaw and whatnot. i talked to her friends, too, but after that, we went off and talked for a bit before the bands played. i ended up getting her number, but didn't call her because she lived in towson, which is like 1.5 hrs away from my house. besides, i go to school in missouri.

nice, i was at that show as well. not sure how much i like the new stuff though.

i definitely liked 'jesus glue'

 

[DJFuji]

Originally posted by: Tuktuk
You know what, I stopped reading when you threw the armchair critic line out again. We are both sitting behind a keyboard and both have no idea who the other pereson is, so your 'I'm socially superior to you but its okay here is why' argument is flawed. If you wanted to have a discussion about social behavoir that is one thing but I do not feel like being lectured to with the precondition that you are all-knowing and I am by default inferior to your knowledge. It isn't an ego thing, it is the simple fact that you are restricting yourself from being wrong which makes any further debate pointless.

The armchair critic comment was not meant to offend so i apologize if that's the way it was taken. But when someone makes a statement that is so incorrect that it demonstrates a blatant lack of experience in a particular field, you tend to assume that's the case. Consider this analogy. Say someone (person A) posts on the AT hardware forum and says that he has a problem with his computer POSTing. Someone else (person B) says the best way to troubleshoot it is to check windows properties to see if device manager shows any yellow question marks. Now, assuming you know hardware, you're going to tell person B that his advice is SO off that he clearly does not understand the fundamentals of computer troubleshooting. It's not a personal insult, it's not an inherent superior/inferior thing, it's merely an observation that his opinions are coming from a place of little experience.

Originally posted by: joecool
hey, here's a radical idea. how about walking up to a woman and saying, "Hi, my name is xyz. What's yours?" Then try a little small talk - the weather, the big game, the place your in (bar, grocery store, whatever). Then ask her about herself (where are you from, what do you do, seen any good movies, what's your favorite band/tv show/book), maybe give her a compliment - she's pretty, she looks great in that outfit, she's got a smile to stop a tank. It's not hard, guys. What it mostly takes is the courage to do it, and then do it again, and again, and again. You will get better with practice, I promise!

joecool,

Not putting you down man, and if you're approaching with that i applaud you for having the balls to approach, but that style has very limited success potential. If it worked consistently, everyone would do it and we wouldnt be having this discussion. Here's why:

a) It's EXACTLY the same thing as what every other guy says to her. If she's an attractive girl, she's already heard the same thing 10 times today alone. Not only does this get old, but she then stereotypes you as boring, unimaginative, and lacking creativity. This is what i described in my OP as a bad situational opener. It's basically the same thing as "so....do you come here a lot?" LAME.

b) This type of approach attempts to seek rapport with her. In another words, you're trying to get to know her. If she doesnt immediately find you attractive from your physical appearance, she does not WANT to get to know you. And if she's an attractive woman, she's already heard this so many times, she just wants to get away from you. Courtship follows a very linear model which can be observed in social psychology. The prerequisite to rapport is attraction. As humans, we dont want rapport with someone unless we are attracted to them on some level. And we are attracted to that which has value to us. A bum on the street has absolutely zero value to us, so we are not attracted to him (in any sense). One reason he has no value to us is because we just see him as someone who constantly takes value from us and never gives. Likewise, if you approach a woman and try to seek rapport without first generating attraction, it won't work. Asking her name, asking her questions about herself, etc., that's all rapport seeking behavior. It can work if she's already physically attracted to you or if you are wicked funny responding to her answers, but for most of us, it's a downward spiral into "i have a boyfriend."

c) You're putting her on a pedestal. You're implying that she has more social value than you and you would be lucky to be with her. Have an attitude like that and she'll believe it too...and she'll think she can do better. The adage that "nice guys finish last" has an element of truth to it. It's not that they LIKE jerks, but jerks are more likely to exhibit dominant alpha male traits and they are evolutionarily hard wired to be attracted to that. If you don't believe me take a quick look at basic social psychology.



As for the rest of you who are claiming this doesn't work, don't approach groups, it's too hard, people will shut you down, etc., I understand your doubt. If i hadn't seen it with my very eyes...or done it myself...week after week after week...i too would probably be skeptical. It is easier to doubt something and dismiss it than to actually go out and try it for yourself and possibly push past your comfort zone. After all, no one wants to challenge their comfort zone. It is by its very nature difficult to do and hard on the ego. But I'm really not concerned with those people. They can doubt all they want. They won't change or improve until they're ready.

I wrote the original post to help out those who *are* willing to change; willing to learn; willing to try new things and expand their horizons. For people like the OP of the other thread (thehstrybean) who have not yet been jaded by their peers into thinking that they must accept their harsh lot in life and have no power to change or improve it. Most of the people around you don't really want you to succeed. Because it threatens their place in the social hierarchy.

There is no magic bullet. No magic pill. No instant road to success or achievement. It's a skill set like anything else, and not a particularly easy one at that. And there's only one way to get better at it -- by doing it. Over, and over, and over again like a sport, musical instrument, or video game. If it WAS simple, everyone would be good at it. But it's NOT easy. Nothing worth doing ever is.

"What the thinker thinks, the prover proves."