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YAGT: Polm makes the call....but things don't workout as planned...or do they ? *UPDATE*

P

polm

Diamond Member
OK...so after a bizzilion threads concerning the girl of my dreams, I finally took the overwhelming advice of ATOT and called her to tell her I couldn't see or hear from her anymore.

She freaked out...she cried...she begged me not to cut her out.

We talked for hours and hours.

She explained that she has just graduated from college and she is horrified about starting a new world that does not involve school, and tests, and the world as she has known it for the last 4 years.

She explained that she loves me and cares more for me than I will ever imagine.

She explained that the boy she is dating is farther from serious as anyone could get. That she is with him only because she does not have to invest any time or effort into their relationship.

She explained that she truly beleives that if we are meant to be together that we will be.

She beleives that the timing of my Israel trip could not be any more perfect. She needs the next 6 months without anyone interfering in her life. She needs to be independant and get a job, house, etc. on her own. She beleives that she will have her life in order when I come back, and that hopefully we will be able to be together then.

She just kept telling me how much she feels bad for hurting me, but that she knows I would rather her be honest, than to spare me the pain.

She said she would love to tell me that she didn't have feelings for me. She said she would love to tell me that her boyfriend is the one, and that I should just move on. But she can't. She sais that deep down she still sees me and her together in the end.

Most of all she just kept telling me how much she needs me in her life. How important our friendship is to her, and that she cou;dn't bare to lose me right now.

I couldn't argue. I couldn't follow through with my plan.

Did I screw up ?

UPDATE: I was wrong. I still stayed up all night thinking about her. I can't keep this up for 2 more months. I called her about 5 min. ago. I told her we had to stop talking. She agreed. Thats that. 🙁
 
man i wish i could find a chick that actually wanted to get a job and make a future for themselves
 
Uh, no. You didn't lose.

You've got feelings for her.
She's got feelings for you.

You go away to Isreal, come back in six months, and see what happens.
In the meantime, she can dump her "useless boyfriend" and live life as a bachelorette for awhile. It won't kill her to be single.

- M4H
 
You did good. Go to Israel or whatever it is you're going to do. Don't keep too close of contact with her while you're gone or maybe even consider cutting off communications for a bit. Maybe e-mail every couple weeks or so. When you get back, call her up and catch up. You'll know if she wants you then. Otherwise I wouldn't get all worked up about her. Let her do her thing and mentally start moving away from her just in case she decides that she doesn't want you later.
 
Yes you screwed up. You being used as an emotional tool. The back up guy. You are the nice guy which means you are not the one she is banging.

"She explained that the boy she is dating is farther from serious as anyone could get. That she is with him only because she does not have to invest any time or effort into their relationship" WTF does this mean? I'll tell ya what it means, it means that she doesn't think you aren't good enough either but she still wants your attentions. How much of an insult are you going to take?

Follow the previous advice given to you. Drop her and move on. You are only in for more heartache. I'm sure more people will be a long to heap more on ya.
 
Originally posted by: Mandrill
Yes you screwed up. You being used as an emotional tool. The back up guy. You are the nice guy which means you are not the one she is banging.

"She explained that the boy she is dating is farther from serious as anyone could get. That she is with him only because she does not have to invest any time or effort into their relationship" WTF does this mean? I'll tell ya what it means, it means that she doesn't think you aren't good enough either but she still wants your attentions. How much of an insult are you going to take?

Follow the previous advice given to you. Drop her and move on. You are only in for more heartache. I'm sure more people will be a long to heap more on ya.
Click to expand...

 
Look whether or not she is with this guy, she CANT be with me.

Right now we just CANNOT be together.

I am moving to Israel.

It's not that I am not good enough...it's that I am not available.
 
Originally posted by: her209
She doesn't want you. Trust me.
Click to expand...

I would have to kind of agree with this. To me if she has this much emotion and feelings towards you why wouldn't she dump her bf and get with you. I don't buy her excuse of "new world" and that she doesn't want the pain. To me it sounds as if she is just stringing you along and playing games with you.
Another route is that she could be playing it safe, she knows that she has you on a leash and if she needed anything (ie emotional support, etc.) she could come to you.
Also her excuse for her boyfriend is kind of scary because it makes her sound like a VERY clingy person... and it also makes her sound like a b*tch because she basically admitted that she is using her boyfriend and who is to say that she isn't using you too.
You have to remember that all she is doing with you is talking, she "says" she is sorry, she "says" that she thinks you guys will be together in the end, but the problem is where is the action? I don't know everything that has happened between you two, but has she actually done anything to indicate that she is going to get with you? If she dumped her bf and said that she would wait for you then I would say yes go for her, but she hasn't.
Basically I don't know all the info so you can take my advice any way you want, but one piece of advice I hope you take is to be VERY WARY of this girls goals and motives.
 
I would have to kind of agree with this. To me if she has this much emotion and feelings towards you why wouldn't she dump her bf and get with you. I don't buy her excuse of "new world" and that she doesn't want the pain. To me it sounds as if she is just stringing you along and playing games with you.
Another route is that she could be playing it safe, she knows that she has you on a leash and if she needed anything (ie emotional support, etc.) she could come to you.
Also her excuse for her boyfriend is kind of scary because it makes her sound like a VERY clingy person... and it also makes her sound like a b*tch because she basically admitted that she is using her boyfriend and who is to say that she isn't using you too.
You have to remember that all she is doing with you is talking, she "says" she is sorry, she "says" that she thinks you guys will be together in the end, but the problem is where is the action? I don't know everything that has happened between you two, but has she actually done anything to indicate that she is going to get with you? If she dumped her bf and said that she would wait for you then I would say yes go for her, but she hasn't.
Basically I don't know all the info so you can take my advice any way you want, but one piece of advice I hope you take is to be VERY WARY of this girls goals and motives.
Click to expand...

I guess I just have trouble seeing this girl as someone who would conciously screw me over like that.

We dated for a while. And we have been great freinds for many years. She has been there for me coultess times, as well as me for her. Right now we just cant be together. I am just starting to understand that.

For me, these threads were started because I was having problems being this close to her (she has lived in another city for the past 4 years, but now has moved back to our home town) . I wanted to ask you guys what to do, and the majority said RUN RUN RUN !

But after talking with her last night, I feel like I understand where she is in life a little better, and I think the last thing she needs is a 2 month fling with me before I go to Israel.

I will try to calm my emotions, and keep being her friend. If it doesn't work, and I find myself hurting still..then I will cut it off.

But today, I am willing to give our friendship the chance it deserves.

i think.......
 
Originally posted by: polm
I would have to kind of agree with this. To me if she has this much emotion and feelings towards you why wouldn't she dump her bf and get with you. I don't buy her excuse of "new world" and that she doesn't want the pain. To me it sounds as if she is just stringing you along and playing games with you.
Another route is that she could be playing it safe, she knows that she has you on a leash and if she needed anything (ie emotional support, etc.) she could come to you.
Also her excuse for her boyfriend is kind of scary because it makes her sound like a VERY clingy person... and it also makes her sound like a b*tch because she basically admitted that she is using her boyfriend and who is to say that she isn't using you too.
You have to remember that all she is doing with you is talking, she "says" she is sorry, she "says" that she thinks you guys will be together in the end, but the problem is where is the action? I don't know everything that has happened between you two, but has she actually done anything to indicate that she is going to get with you? If she dumped her bf and said that she would wait for you then I would say yes go for her, but she hasn't.
Basically I don't know all the info so you can take my advice any way you want, but one piece of advice I hope you take is to be VERY WARY of this girls goals and motives.
Click to expand...

I guess I just have trouble seeing this girl as someone who would conciously screw me over like that.

We dated for a while. And we have been great freinds for many years. She has been there for me coultess times, as well as me for her. Right now we just cant be together. I am just starting to understand that.

For me, these threads were started because I was having problems being this close to her (she has lived in another city for the past 4 years, but now has moved back to our home town) . I wanted to ask you guys what to do, and the majority said RUN RUN RUN !

But after talking with her last night, I feel like I understand where she is in life a little better, and I think the last thing she needs is a 2 month fling with me before I go to Israel.

I will try to calm my emotions, and keep being her friend. If it doesn't work, and I find myself hurting still..then I will cut it off.

But today, I am willing to give our friendship the chance it deserves.

i think.......
Click to expand...

Ah ic. I also agree with others that it might be best that you cut off everything with her because it seems as though you are very emotionally attached to her and as long as you are friends with her your emotions for her will blind you from other girls. She might want a relationship with you in the future, but the fact remains that she currently has a boyfriend so you should really try hard to get her out of your mind and find someone else. Otherwise you might be waiting a LONG time. Sometimes you just have to move on.
 
Originally posted by: polm
Originally posted by: her209
She doesn't want you. Trust me.
Click to expand...
care to ellaborate ?
Click to expand...
Someone said earlier that if she really felt this way towards you, what is stopping her?

Like any good plan, don't base it on assumptions and promises. Plan for worst case scenarios.

 
I was wrong. I still stayed up all night thinking about her. I can't keep this up for 2 more months. I called her about 5 min. ago. I told her we had to stop talking. She agreed. Thats that.
 
I kinda feel sorry for the other boyfriend. What if he has feelings for her too? It sounds like she is just using him until you and her can finally be together. If that's true, why not just be single for awhile instead of stringing along another guy? Oh well, real life relationships seems too complicated -- one of the few times I'm glad I've never been in one.
 
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