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YAGT: nice guy vs. the axe hole

Nimloth

Senior member
Mar 5, 2001
808
0
76
Here is the summary of the relationship so far:

- met a girl when she was 18 and a virgin
- when I started dating her, I was also seeing another girl, who is now gone (to a different country)
- broke up with the first girl, decided to just remain friends (which I know is a bunch of crap) and a month later we mutually decided to pick things up where we left off
- when confronted by the girl, had to admit that I was in fact seeing multiple people during our first 'stint'
- girl leaves for the whole summer to a different country
- long-distance relationship ensues
- upon her getting back to the States, she lets me know that she has 'made out' with someone during the summer, and is now corresponding with him via email
- realization sets in that I need to forgive her, because now we're "even"
- fast forward a few months: she now says she has met someone here and for a few days thought she was in love, however she still wants to be friends
- let her know that I won't be a friend to her because of my feelings, and if she wants to break it off, it will be once and for all, as in complete break up with no further communication
- we agreed on a meeting later today, to discuss face to face where to go from here

Here is the question:

What course of action should I take? On one hand I want to continue this drama-filled relationship and see where it leads in the end; but on the other hand I realize that she is essentially using me as a crutch, and if in the future she meets someone else I will be ditched into the 'friend-zone' so fast that my head will spin, and I will be miserable for an indeterminate amount of time.
 

Nimloth

Senior member
Mar 5, 2001
808
0
76
Originally posted by: davestar
Originally posted by: Nimloth

- met a girl when she was 18 and a virgin
thanks for the info, but what does this have to do with anything?
thanks for making me sound like a bastard, but do you have any advice or constructive ideas?
 

y2kc

Platinum Member
Sep 2, 2000
2,547
0
76
tell her whatever she wants to hear and continue to do her until she dumps you (which you know is going to happen anyway), just don't fall in love...
 

lightpants

Platinum Member
Aug 13, 2001
2,452
0
76
In a mature relationship, there is no need to be "even". If one person does something wrong, you forgive them or you don't, you don't use it as and excuse to wrong them.


That said, this is not one of those relationships, obviously. So, hit it as many times as you can before she finds someone else. Keep your eyes open for your next chick the whole time.
Good luck.
 

TheoPetro

Banned
Nov 30, 2004
3,499
0
0
do whatever you want. You cant be that serious about her if you were dating other people while seeing her anyway so does it honestly matter?
 

Chrono

Diamond Member
Jan 2, 2001
4,959
0
71
She doesn't have high enough interest level in you anymore. Just forget it and pursue another now. Otherwise it's a disaster in the making.
 

yowolabi

Diamond Member
Jun 29, 2001
4,183
2
81
Break up with her and don't see her at all anymore, not even as "friends". I agree with the person who said there is no such thing as being "even". Once she forgave you and agreed to get back together, she lost the right to get even, the slate starts fresh. You should never have put up with that, especially when she said she was going to keep writing him.

Now it appears she's lost all respect for you and continues to use you as a backup plan while she searches for the man she really wants. You can do better. Even if you still wanted her, sticking around now is no way to keep her. When you see her, tell her that staying in a relationship now is out of the question. Tell her that you've grown up from the days of being with more than 1 person at a time and are ready for for a committed relationship with someone who you trusts wants the same. Tell her to take a few months to figure out what she wants and then let you know.

Meanwhile you take that few months to find someone better.
 

Ricochet

Diamond Member
Oct 31, 1999
6,406
20
81
Originally posted by: Mo0o
seems like a couple of assholes screwing each other
Yep. I don't even see the "nice guy" in the equation at all, just a bunch of @holes who lack commitment.

If the OP or his "girlfriend" wanted to be in a mature committed relationship, they would have to completely break off all ties to each other and pursue it somewhere else.
 

crownjules

Diamond Member
Jul 7, 2005
4,858
0
76
Originally posted by: ricochet
Originally posted by: Mo0o
seems like a couple of assholes screwing each other
Yep. I don't even see the "nice guy" in the equation at all, just a bunch of @holes who lack commitment.
Lack commitment...how? He dated two girls, what's wrong with that? Dating != commitment. When you're dating, you're still figuring things out.
 

Ricochet

Diamond Member
Oct 31, 1999
6,406
20
81
Originally posted by: crownjules
Originally posted by: ricochet
Originally posted by: Mo0o
seems like a couple of assholes screwing each other
Yep. I don't even see the "nice guy" in the equation at all, just a bunch of @holes who lack commitment.
Lack commitment...how? He dated two girls, what's wrong with that? Dating != commitment. When you're dating, you're still figuring things out.
As a general rule for dating, you date only one at a time. That is implied and expected. Any exception to that requires explanation upfront and full disclosure of your intention. The OP and his girlfriend hid their side relationship and disclosed said relationship after the fact. That is cheating period.

You can date around, "figure things out" and learn to be committed to the person you're dating. That's part of the maturing process.

 

crystal

Platinum Member
Nov 5, 1999
2,424
0
0
Originally posted by: yowolabi
Break up with her and don't see her at all anymore, not even as "friends". I agree with the person who said there is no such thing as being "even". Once she forgave you and agreed to get back together, she lost the right to get even, the slate starts fresh. You should never have put up with that, especially when she said she was going to keep writing him.

Now it appears she's lost all respect for you and continues to use you as a backup plan while she searches for the man she really wants. You can do better. Even if you still wanted her, sticking around now is no way to keep her. When you see her, tell her that staying in a relationship now is out of the question. Tell her that you've grown up from the days of being with more than 1 person at a time and are ready for for a committed relationship with someone who you trusts wants the same. Tell her to take a few months to figure out what she wants and then let you know.

Meanwhile you take that few months to find someone better.
If he tooks your advise and tell her all this, we all know it is just a bunch of bullsh*t from him. The way I see it, both of them will screw anyone that catch their fancy. There is no "nice guy" in this relationship.
 

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