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YAGT? Need help/advice

B

BullyCanadian

Platinum Member
A little background info to just show where Im coming from. A little over a year ago, I was fat (276 lbs in a 5'10" frame) , lazy and unmotivated to succeed (my university grades were horrible, I was on the verge of flunking out, was on probation because my gpa was very low. After taking a long hard look at my life at the beggining of last summer I decided to change my life, started exercising, got active, and even changed around my grades (made the dean's list, my gpa for the past year was 3.1 compared to 1.7 for the year before). My weight is down to 212lbs, I look MUCH better than last year, and my plans are to continue to lose weight until I reach about 180lbs.

So I go to thinking, why havent I ever had a date/kissed (I have kissed on the cheek but never made out with) a girl? Im 20y/o and I have never had a relationship, its PATHETIC. I never have the courage/balls to go up to a girl I like and ask her for number, put the moves or do ANYTHING. My confidence is pretty low, (I think related directly to the fact that i was overweight and tried a couple of times, got shot down, got me very discourage and scared me away from trying again) I'm so bad at it, that I am nervous as hell when talking to a chick Im attracted too. How can I fix this? I know my looks are not bad (Ive been told on a number of occasions that I look "hot" or "cute" from close female friends, and one has even told my brother that she wants to hook up with me).

Now what I want to do is approach this girl in my summer course Im taking. Its the second week in, and I havent spoken to her yet. I atleast think shes interested because on the first day of lecture (this is a small lecture class maybe 80 students total when everyone's there) she was sitting by herself when I walked in the door, she was looking and me and moved her chair out for me to sit beside her but like an idiot that I am, I just smiled at her and sat with my friends. (I would have sat beside her but I didnt want to make an idiot out of myself infront of her on the first day lol) . I dont know how to introduce myself to her, etc.... I need advice on how to start a convo with her. It seems very easy if I wasnt attracted to her. I (hopefully) want to get a date out of her (if shes single of course).

I know what most of you are going to say, grow some balls, be a man and just TALK to her. But I honestly DONT KNOW HOW to do it without getting in the friends zone. So help a fellow ATOT'er out!

Cliff notes:
1. was fat , lazy and unmotivated
2. lost weight, got active, got motivated
3. never had a real gf
4. want a gf/good time with a chick
5. want your advice on approaching a chick in class.
 
I suck at it too. all my relationships come from knowing a girl as a friend before dating.

I am no good at the getting random numbers at a bar/class/etc.
 
Just try catching up with her after class and saying, "Hi." Maybe ask how she likes the class. You can probably get a feel about whether she's interested based upon her responses. Good luck! 🙂
 
You need more confidence.

You really should just talk to her. Once you get a women talking they do most of the work for you. Talk about an exam, the surf, homework, or whatever.
 
Stop being a puss. Stop thinking about it. Confidence can be picked up by people around you, but so can shyness.

Just freakin' do it.
 
other than needing more confidence, number one thing is that it will take practice. When you and your first gf part ways you're going to be like 1) wow, I was so STUPID and 2) I learned so damn much that's going to help me in the future. If you shoot yourself in the foot, learn from your mistake, but don't think you'll always fail and just give up.
 
The thing is, do it once. Do it again. It won't take very long, provided you're anything close to a normal person. After that first relationship, or even after the first week of that first relationship, chances are you'll look back at yourself and laugh.
 
I am good at starting conversations with pretty much anyone. its just the asking for the number, screen name, or event to do after the conversation that gets me. I am a wus..But i dont have low self esteem. I dunno heh.

 
There is no such thing as "the friend zone". *LOTS* of people get into relationships with people they've been friends with for a long time.
 
Originally posted by: notfred
There is no such thing as "the friend zone". *LOTS* of people get into relationships with people they've been friends with for a long time.
Click to expand...

this is true. I find that most people I know that have been dating the longest met as friends first...after all..you are friends with people you like/get along with.
 

take your girl to a club. do some exctasy or whatever, have a good time, and go with the flow. If you can take a girl out to a club and end up having a good time, you will remember it, and so will she. It isnt as hard as you make it out to be. Girls love clubs and if you are the one taking them out then just make a move. Its soo easy.. trust me. just go with the flow and you will both have a great time, provided you go to a decent club.

 
Be interesting, but don't blatantly hit on her, and exude confidence. When going for the digits try and be creative. Make her feel like she needs to give you her number because it's what she wants and if she doesn't she'll miss her chance forever. You're the prize.

Where's Pepsei at? He's almost always got a good post dealing with this sh1t.
 
Originally posted by: notfred
There is no such thing as "the friend zone". *LOTS* of people get into relationships with people they've been friends with for a long time.
Click to expand...

As Mayor of the Friend Zone, I declare you know nothing about the Friend Zone and that you wouldnt know the friend zone if it stared you in the face. That said...

I am just like you, except 3 inches shorter and only 19. Ive been on a couple dates, but never kissed or had a gf. After going on a couple dates and getting shot down a number of times, as well as having the worlds worst timing, I decided to embrace the single life and enjoy it while I can. Now I am to the point that if i never have a gf or anything, I dont care, I enjoy my life the way it is, and if that means being single all my life, so be it.
 
Originally posted by: pcnerd37
Originally posted by: notfred
There is no such thing as "the friend zone". *LOTS* of people get into relationships with people they've been friends with for a long time.
Click to expand...

As Mayor of the Friend Zone, I declare you know nothing about the Friend Zone and that you wouldnt know the friend zone if it stared you in the face.
Click to expand...

This is not the "Friend Zone" that people talk about. The mythical friend zone is the one in which you would have had a chance with a girl, but you lost that chance due to becoming her friend. If you're in this zone perpetually it's because either A: you never had a chance in the first place, or B: you never tried to take things past being friends.
 
Originally posted by: notfred
Originally posted by: pcnerd37
Originally posted by: notfred
There is no such thing as "the friend zone". *LOTS* of people get into relationships with people they've been friends with for a long time.
Click to expand...

As Mayor of the Friend Zone, I declare you know nothing about the Friend Zone and that you wouldnt know the friend zone if it stared you in the face.
Click to expand...

This is not the "Friend Zone" that people talk about. The mythical friend zone is the one in which you would have had a chance with a girl, but you lost that chance due to becoming her friend. If you're in this zone perpetually it's because either A: you never had a chance in the first place, or B: you never tried to take things past being friends.
Click to expand...
I can think of at least 6 different women off the top of my head that I am stuck in the friend zone with, trust me when i say i know all about the friend zone. Like I mentioned, I have the worlds worst timing.
 
Most of the time girls will cut you a little slack if you're good looking. Just catch up to her after class, talk to her about whatever random small talk stuff you can, ask for her number and then call her in 3-5 days to ask her out. Don't worry about it if you suck at talking to girls. You'll get better and most girls like to talk, so they'll help you out there. You can do it! I believe in you!
 
uhm, just go up to her and start talking... you don't need to score the number the first day... give it a few and then muster up and say... hey you want to hang out sometime?
 
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