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YAGT: my girlfriend is terrible at managing money

A

apac

Diamond Member
I love her to death, but it's getting ridiculous. We've been together nearly 2 years (college students). A few weeks ago she told me she was nearly broke and asked if I could lend her some money. I've lent her a bit in the past, and it turned out fine, so I lent her $200. Since she was also going to San Francisco for an interview the following week (position for next Summer), I didn't want her to get stuck there without any emergency cash, so I gave her another $200 "just in case".

Well, she apparently decided that none of her travel luggage was appropriate for the interview, so she went and bought a $75 bag to take with her. Then, one night after she got back, she comes by with a $20 pizza from the local gourmet shop. Today I check my account and my roommate had just deposited a check I'd given him a month ago, so my account balance was much less than I expected. Of course, when I asked her for the $200 back, she told me her checks would bounce.

<rant>

Now, I appreciate pizzas and all, but god damn I lent you money because you told me you were using your accounts overdraft protection to buy food. I know you have finals and need to buy $5 of belgium chocolate to satisfy some craving, but there comes a time where you just have to suck in your pride and accept the fact that you can't. afford. something. Especially when you refuse to ask your parents for any money because you're too ashamed. Why the hell can't you appreciate my gesture and control yourself? If that were me, I'd eat fvcking ramen noodles for a month to make that money last. But I can't tell you that because you'll just get more stressed out and depressed, so I have to be supportive and tell you it doesn't matter.

Guess what, it does!!

</rant>

And to make matters worse, as my graduation gift my parents are flying me and her back to my home in New York so we can see the city for a few days. Shes known about this trip since last August, but now shes sad because on the trip she will literally be broke. Again, maybe it's just me, but if I knew I was getting an all expenses paid trip to NYC I'd have saved every penny to enjoy it.


cliffs: don't lend money to SOs
 
So you learned the lesson the hard way. At least you won't make that mistake again.

I once had a girl friend who came to me all excited because she got her phone bill down to less than her rent. I asked for her CC's and cut them up. So much for that relationship. 🙂
 
Originally posted by: apac
Originally posted by: JS80
it's ridiculous how many people spell rediculous.
Click to expand...

lol, good catch. I just saw that post today too 😀
Click to expand...

I hope you don't marry her. She sounds like the type of girl that needs a guy with tons of cash to burn for her use (aka sugar daddy).
 
Some girls are just reckless with £££, others aren't.

Hopefullly she'll change.

She must LEARN THE VALUE OF MONEY. You lending her £££ all the time IS NOT HELPING HER. She needs to get to a point where she actually has to starve for a day or a few meals to realise she can't go spending on more up market 'foods'.

I think some tough love is in order for her.

I'm sure once she gets use to actually being broke she'll economise a bit. Don't lend her any £££. A bit of starving won't harm her for a few meals.

I'm kind of glad we were poor growing up as I didn't spend on random stuff or when I don't have any £££. I have £££ now and save a lot of it. You don't miss what you didn't have so I save it 🙂

Koing
 
Well, she apparently decided that none of her travel luggage was appropriate for the interview, so she went and bought a $75 bag to take with her.
Click to expand...

She sounds like she has no financial sense. Did she bring the luggage to the interview? I bet she declares bankruptcy before she's thirty.
 
My friend's Ex was similar, but in a different way. She would spend way too much money on other people. She was fine when she had no money, she took very little for herself and was usually broke. Whenever she did have money she would spend it on others. We would go out and she would buy everyone drinks or dinner. If you didn't have any cash with you, don't worry, she has you covered. It was cool sometimes, but really annoying for her BF because he knew she couldn't afford it. Of course if he said anything she called him cheap.

Also whenever they went shopping together and he tried to get things that were on sale or save money somehow, she would flip out. She would always cook this big expensive dinners for all of us and hardly eat any of it herself. We called her the sugar-momma with no sugar.
 
Originally posted by: cyclistca
Well, she apparently decided that none of her travel luggage was appropriate for the interview, so she went and bought a $75 bag to take with her.
Click to expand...

She sounds like she has no financial sense. Did she bring the luggage to the interview? I bet she declares bankruptcy before she's thirty.
Click to expand...

That was part of her reasoning, that she had to check out of the hotel and bring her travel bags with her. I offered her a small sport duffel and she told me she already had one like that. I don't see a problem with a blonde girl in a business suit bringing a travel bag to an interview where they KNOW you're taking a flight home that night.
 
Originally posted by: JS80
Originally posted by: apac
Originally posted by: JS80
it's ridiculous how many people spell rediculous.
Click to expand...

lol, good catch. I just saw that post today too 😀
Click to expand...

I hope you don't marry her. She sounds like the type of girl that needs a guy with tons of cash to burn for her use (aka sugar daddy).
Click to expand...

See theres the thing, she will be out of college with a degree that will make her bank. I think she just likes buying things, regardless of whos money it is.
 
She's taking advantage of you. Boyfriends != the bank.

First thing to do right off is stop loaning her money. If you think she needs food and you feel like helping, drop off groceries. Don't feel obligated.

Second thing, have a brief discussion with her about choice and consequence, and tell her that you're concerned about her level of responsibility. Don't push it, just bring it up so she knows how you feel.

Third thing, let her deal with her own money and related problems in her own way. It sounds like the only way she'll learn is if she gets buried a few times and has to dig her own way out.
 
Originally posted by: apac
See theres the thing, she will be out of college with a degree that will make her bank. I think she just likes buying things, regardless of whos money it is.
Click to expand...

It doesn't matter how much she is going to make, if she is going to spend it all and then some. I hope you don't end up marrying her either, because a woman like that can destroy the family. If you are intending to marry her, she better get some counseling.
 
Originally posted by: apac
Originally posted by: JS80
Originally posted by: apac
Originally posted by: JS80
it's ridiculous how many people spell rediculous.
Click to expand...

lol, good catch. I just saw that post today too 😀
Click to expand...

I hope you don't marry her. She sounds like the type of girl that needs a guy with tons of cash to burn for her use (aka sugar daddy).
Click to expand...

See theres the thing, she will be out of college with a degree that will make her bank. I think she just likes buying things, regardless of whos money it is.
Click to expand...

That just means she'll spend even more when she does make money, and it'll get scary. She'll go from $100 purses to $500 purses to $2000 purses. I'm telling you it's progressive and there's way too much available credit out there for people with good salaries. Girls can easily blow $20k shopping at nordstroms or saks.
 
Ditch the....
It doesnt sound like you two will end up together so might as well save your money. Find a cheaper date.
 
Originally posted by: Dacalo
Originally posted by: apac
See theres the thing, she will be out of college with a degree that will make her bank. I think she just likes buying things, regardless of whos money it is.
Click to expand...

It doesn't matter how much she is going to make, if she is going to spend it all and then some. I hope you don't end up marrying her either, because a woman like that can destroy the family. If you are intending to marry her, she better get some counseling.
Click to expand...

It's a shame too, cause her mom is so fiscally responsible (triple digits running her own loans business).

Good idea with the groceries, I've done that before.
 
Originally posted by: buck
Ditch the....
It doesnt sound like you two will end up together so might as well save your money. Find a cheaper date.
Click to expand...

Easier said than done after you've become emotionally attached to someone 🙁.
 
Originally posted by: apac
Originally posted by: buck
Ditch the....
It doesnt sound like you two will end up together so might as well save your money. Find a cheaper date.
Click to expand...

Easier said than done after you've become emotionally attached to someone 🙁.
Click to expand...

yeah, but this kind of bahavior is "deal breaker" stuff. She's definately NOT marriage material. It will be one long credit ruining road.
 
Originally posted by: apac
Originally posted by: Dacalo
Originally posted by: apac
See theres the thing, she will be out of college with a degree that will make her bank. I think she just likes buying things, regardless of whos money it is.
Click to expand...

It doesn't matter how much she is going to make, if she is going to spend it all and then some. I hope you don't end up marrying her either, because a woman like that can destroy the family. If you are intending to marry her, she better get some counseling.
Click to expand...

It's a shame too, cause her mom is so fiscally responsible (triple digits running her own loans business).

Good idea with the groceries, I've done that before.
Click to expand...

So you're saying her mom is a loan shark?
 
Originally posted by: orakle
Originally posted by: apac
Originally posted by: Dacalo
Originally posted by: apac
See theres the thing, she will be out of college with a degree that will make her bank. I think she just likes buying things, regardless of whos money it is.
Click to expand...

It doesn't matter how much she is going to make, if she is going to spend it all and then some. I hope you don't end up marrying her either, because a woman like that can destroy the family. If you are intending to marry her, she better get some counseling.
Click to expand...

It's a shame too, cause her mom is so fiscally responsible (triple digits running her own loans business).

Good idea with the groceries, I've done that before.
Click to expand...

So you're saying her mom is a loan shark?
Click to expand...

No, her mom is just one of the smartest business women I've ever met.
 
Originally posted by: Dacalo
BTW, has she always been like this or is this something that has occurred recently?
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Hard to say. Part of it is definitely stress - shes really overworked with classes, etc. But no, it's funny that she's always been a spender with buyer's remorse. i.e., gets a pair of $100 jeans and then a few days later is depressed cause she knows she shouldn't have spent the money. One of the things that really gets to me is that she really, really needs to fill out her FAFSA for next semester, but she has really stuck her head in the sand and gets upset when anyone tries to remind her of it. The more I think about it, I don't think it's money as much as general irresponsibility.

Blech.
 
"She took mah money, when I'm neee-eee-eed... yeah she a thriflin' friend in deed"


hahaha you = sucker

 
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