YAGT: Is it wrong to...

[NikPreviousAcct]

Do things like diet and work out with your significant other as the driving motivation behind your doing so? Instead of doing it ONLY for yourself, is it wrong to do it for THEM, not really caring about doing it for yourself? What about things like working to become a better man for your significant other instead of doing it for yourself?

Significant other is being defined as someone you love more than life itself and are in an exclusive relationship with, intending on marrying them and spending the rest of your life with them.

 

[Feldenak]

Naw, it's not wrong.

 

[Garet Jax]

Nope it's not wrong, but you will lose your motivation very quickly.

 

[notfred]

No, I don't think there's a problem with it.

 

[PanzerIV]

You will have the most success in life with things you do for YOURSELF and not for others. You have to be happy with you first before you please others.

 

[Feldenak]

Originally posted by: PanzerIV
You will have the most success in life with things you do for YOURSELF and not for others. You have to be happy with you first before you please others.

Well, it depends on why you are doing it for others. Personally, I would consider things like that an investment in the relationship with the added benefit of making me a better person in general.

 

[PanzerIV]

Originally posted by: Feldenak

Originally posted by: PanzerIV
You will have the most success in life with things you do for YOURSELF and not for others. You have to be happy with you first before you please others.

Well, it depends on why you are doing it for others. Personally, I would consider things like that an investment in the relationship with the added benefit of making me a better person in general.

I understand where you are coming from but I still say do it for you and not her. Yes, she reaps the added benefit of having a healthier, slimmer mate but you ulitmately come out the winner for a lifetime if you keep at it.

 

[CraigRT]

I thought doing stuff like going to the gym, getting buff, and getting fit really was only for others. (some sarcasm intended)

I don't do either of those, I do the sports I like to keep fit, I am not muscular, and I don't care. my GF likes big muscles like every other girl, but Id only be doing it for her if I worked on them. don't need big pecks to win women over.. if you do, ya suck

 

[Feldenak]

Originally posted by: PanzerIV

Originally posted by: Feldenak

Originally posted by: PanzerIV
You will have the most success in life with things you do for YOURSELF and not for others. You have to be happy with you first before you please others.

Well, it depends on why you are doing it for others. Personally, I would consider things like that an investment in the relationship with the added benefit of making me a better person in general.

I understand where you are coming from but I still say do it for you and not her. Yes, she reaps the added benefit of having a healthier, slimmer mate but you ulitmately come out the winner for a lifetime if you keep at it.

Heh, I think we're both kinda making the same points. :beer:

 

[KarenMarie]

if she is not happy, no one is happy

 

[NikPreviousAcct]

Originally posted by: KarenMarie
if she is not happy, no one is happy

It's not like that at all.

 

[fredtam]

Getting some from the SO is my prime reason for working out and eating healthy. The endurance gains help out a bunch too. Want to keep her satisfied. It is also my reason for working and most other things. If I were by myself and knew I was destined to stay that way I would be a bum.

 

[djheater]

On a personal level I don't believe that conviction is tenable.

I can't help but feel over the years you've realayed to us a certain degree of passionate conviction that your relationship is more important than your own comfort or happiness. It presents itself as a little co-dependant if you ask me, not that you did.

Doubtless I've developed the wrong impression. I'm sure you'll be happy together. At least, I hope so. Truly.

 

[NikPreviousAcct]

Originally posted by: djheater
On a personal level I don't believe that conviction is tenable.

I can't help but feel over the years you've realayed to us a certain degree of passionate conviction that your relationship is more important than your own comfort or happiness. It presents itself as a little co-dependant if you ask me, not that you did.

Doubtless I've developed the wrong impression. I'm sure you'll be happy together. At least, I hope so. Truly.

I couldn't have said it better myself.

 

[djheater]

Originally posted by: FFMCobalt

Originally posted by: djheater
On a personal level I don't believe that conviction is tenable.

I can't help but feel over the years you've realayed to us a certain degree of passionate conviction that your relationship is more important than your own comfort or happiness. It presents itself as a little co-dependant if you ask me, not that you did.

Doubtless I've developed the wrong impression. I'm sure you'll be happy together. At least, I hope so. Truly.

I couldn't have said it better myself.

Now you see, this is what I mean. Your tone in the past has implied that you believe this to be a somehow morally superior position. The foundation of your relationship cannot be based on this type of conviction. It will falter or else not be healthy. You cannot continually sacrifice your own happiness for anyone. Here's a question, would you want her to be unhappy and uncomfortable for sake of the relationship? If the answer is no then you CANNOT endure it either.

Healthy relationships exist between equals.

 

[NikPreviousAcct]

Originally posted by: djheater

Originally posted by: FFMCobalt

Originally posted by: djheater
On a personal level I don't believe that conviction is tenable.

I can't help but feel over the years you've realayed to us a certain degree of passionate conviction that your relationship is more important than your own comfort or happiness. It presents itself as a little co-dependant if you ask me, not that you did.

Doubtless I've developed the wrong impression. I'm sure you'll be happy together. At least, I hope so. Truly.

I couldn't have said it better myself.

Now you see, this is what I mean. Your tone in the past has implied that you believe this to be a somehow morally superior position. The foundation of your relationship cannot be based on this type of conviction. It will falter or else not be healthy. You cannot continually sacrifice your own happiness for anyone. Here's a question, would you want her to be unhappy and uncomfortable for sake of the relationship? If the answer is no then you CANNOT endure it either.

Healthy relationships exist between equals.

Nobody's asking her to be unhappy or uncomfortable. She makes her own decisions and fixes what she wants fixed. I do the same.

 

[StageLeft]

There is nothing wrong with not wanting your SO to vomit at the sight of your disrobed, disgusting physique.

 

[djheater]

Originally posted by: FFMCobalt

Originally posted by: djheater

Originally posted by: FFMCobalt

Originally posted by: djheater
On a personal level I don't believe that conviction is tenable.

I can't help but feel over the years you've realayed to us a certain degree of passionate conviction that your relationship is more important than your own comfort or happiness. It presents itself as a little co-dependant if you ask me, not that you did.

Doubtless I've developed the wrong impression. I'm sure you'll be happy together. At least, I hope so. Truly.

I couldn't have said it better myself.

Now you see, this is what I mean. Your tone in the past has implied that you believe this to be a somehow morally superior position. The foundation of your relationship cannot be based on this type of conviction. It will falter or else not be healthy. You cannot continually sacrifice your own happiness for anyone. Here's a question, would you want her to be unhappy and uncomfortable for sake of the relationship? If the answer is no then you CANNOT endure it either.

Healthy relationships exist between equals.

Nobody's asking her to be unhappy or uncomfortable. She makes her own decisions and fixes what she wants fixed. I do the same.

Am I wrong in thinking that this opinions illustrates your beilief that "Yes, it's wrong to do it for them and not yourself"? To me it seems to. If nobody is asking her to make herself uncomfortable, and nobody's asking YOU to be uncomfortable than YOU are apparently choosing to go exercise and choosing to be a better person for yourself. If that's the case what's the point of the question? Curiosity?

 

[NikPreviousAcct]

Originally posted by: djheater

Originally posted by: FFMCobalt

Originally posted by: djheater

Originally posted by: FFMCobalt

Originally posted by: djheater
On a personal level I don't believe that conviction is tenable.

I can't help but feel over the years you've realayed to us a certain degree of passionate conviction that your relationship is more important than your own comfort or happiness. It presents itself as a little co-dependant if you ask me, not that you did.

Doubtless I've developed the wrong impression. I'm sure you'll be happy together. At least, I hope so. Truly.

I couldn't have said it better myself.

Now you see, this is what I mean. Your tone in the past has implied that you believe this to be a somehow morally superior position. The foundation of your relationship cannot be based on this type of conviction. It will falter or else not be healthy. You cannot continually sacrifice your own happiness for anyone. Here's a question, would you want her to be unhappy and uncomfortable for sake of the relationship? If the answer is no then you CANNOT endure it either.

Healthy relationships exist between equals.

Nobody's asking her to be unhappy or uncomfortable. She makes her own decisions and fixes what she wants fixed. I do the same.

Am I wrong in thinking that this opinions illustrates your beilief that "Yes, it's wrong to do it for them and not yourself"? To me it seems to. If nobody is asking her to make herself uncomfortable, and nobody's asking YOU to be uncomfortable than YOU are apparently choosing to go exercise and choosing to be a better person for yourself. If that's the case what's the point of the question? Curiosity?

The motivation isn't for myself, though. I want to make her happier. Whether she's would prefer that I look differently or not, I want to present to her an image that I believe is more attractive to her.

Does that make sense?

The point of the question is to gain insight from the opinions of other people -to see just how looney and self-sacrificial I am.

 

[dirtboy]

Nothing wrong with it, but I can say if your SO lacks the motivation to do things and needs you to keep her going, then be prepared to spend alot of time in the future motivating her. Odds are she won't change.

 

[NikPreviousAcct]

Originally posted by: dirtboy
Nothing wrong with it, but I can say if your SO lacks the motivation to do things and needs you to keep her going, then be prepared to spend alot of time in the future motivating her. Odds are she won't change.

This is not about motivation for things that are required to maintain the relationship.

 

[oboeguy]

Suppose you were an unrepentant smoker and your SO asked you to quit smoking. Would that be wrong? Nope. OTOH, if you're not obese and your SO demands you drop your body fat to 6%, there's clearly something wrong with that. Anyway, I voted "not wrong".

 

[NikPreviousAcct]

Originally posted by: oboeguy
Suppose you were an unrepentant smoker and your SO asked you to quit smoking. Would that be wrong? Nope. OTOH, if you're not obese and your SO demands you drop your body fat to 6%, there's clearly something wrong with that. Anyway, I voted "not wrong".

She's not asking anything. It's me doing something for her without her asking, or even feeling like I need to for her.

 

[rgwalt]

No, it isn't wrong to do it just for your SO and not for yourself. However, you will begin to see the personal benefits to doing something to improve yourself (eating right, exercising, etc). Becoming a better man for your SO is a very good thing, but other motivating factors may develop.

For instance... I'm a pretty hairy guy. My last girlfriend wanted me to shave my back. I personally didn't care if my back was hairy or not, but I let her shave my back. Now, this was something I did completely to make her happy, and there is nothing wrong with that.

Ryan