Note the quotations around married. That's a term that I'm using for people who have found a boyfriend/girlfriend (Hereto referred to as Significant Other, SO) and that's the last you ever hear/see of them again. If that. Its origin comes from the all too common fact that once a man gets married the time spent with his buddies takes a sharp nose dive.
As the title said, this happened to my best friend. Or at least I thought he was. Spent four of the five years in High school (from Canada here) as good friends. Visited each others houses, went to movies a few times a month, went to parties, hung out at lunch. All the things you'd expect of good friends. Then, the summer after graduation, nothing. I'd heard he'd got a girlfriend through another friend of ours, surprised the hell out of me. She was out of province, and despite their being together online for over a year, he'd never once mentioned it to me or any of his other friends. I was surprised and hurt that he had not said something before as I thought we were good buds, but expected to at least meet her at some point, especially since she was moving in locally.
Wrong. Dead wrong. As soon as high school ended, that was practically the last I saw of him. He vanished. Despite going to the same university for the past four years, we've talked perhaps ten times. Most of those were run-ins in the halls between classes. I've met his SO two, three times. I can't remember her name and he never talks about her on his own. The only way he does is when I basically sit down and play inquisitor, and he volunteers information about as readily. All the times I saw him, it was either alone or with his SO, never anyone else.
I bring this up because myself and the friend who told me about the SO originally, we decided to track down our poor "married" friend and see what the situation was. Took us a while on a cell phone right outside his house before we even got him to let us inside. Did spend a nice four hours catching up on what everyone was doing. The SO sat things out on the couch in the living room, paying us no mind at all. The really shocking thing was when his next door neighbour showed up and joined in. Despite my friend living across him for most of his life, and them being really good friends, they had not spoken in the past two years, despite his also attending the same university. From what I was able to gather, my former friend does not have any people that might be called friends in his life at all, besides his SO of course. None.
The end of the story is that my former friend and the SO are now off in Alberta to start work on masters degrees. The last thing he had promised us was that as he would be leaving his home town, we'd get together for one last night of fun and drinks as friends. Never happened, despite us attempting to call him. Certainly lets one know where they stand 🙁
How many others have had this happen to them? How many of you were disgusted by that person, that your friendship together seemed to suddenly matter so little to them? Yes, being with someone you love is important, but there's still the matter of the other people.
For any on the other side of things, how on earth could you totally ditch your friends for a SO? Was it your choice, their choice, or did it seem the 'natural' thing to do for both of you? Are you still together, and if not how did your friends take your return?
I had heard of these things happening before, but never expected it to happen with someone I knew. I had always vowed that if I ever met someone I could consider a real SO, I would never, ever, sacrifice my old friends just for that person. Never. And it has happened. I have a wonderful SO, but I still keep in touch with those who were my friends.
Anyway, looking forward to hearing some thoughts from this group.
Cliffnotes: How many of you have had a friend who upon finding a significant other promptly and completely vanishes from your/their circle of friends? (and no, I am not providing pics. I have none. Suffice to say, she is far from goddess)
-- Jack
We really don't have enemies. It's just that some of our best friends are trying to kill us.
-- Anonymous
As the title said, this happened to my best friend. Or at least I thought he was. Spent four of the five years in High school (from Canada here) as good friends. Visited each others houses, went to movies a few times a month, went to parties, hung out at lunch. All the things you'd expect of good friends. Then, the summer after graduation, nothing. I'd heard he'd got a girlfriend through another friend of ours, surprised the hell out of me. She was out of province, and despite their being together online for over a year, he'd never once mentioned it to me or any of his other friends. I was surprised and hurt that he had not said something before as I thought we were good buds, but expected to at least meet her at some point, especially since she was moving in locally.
Wrong. Dead wrong. As soon as high school ended, that was practically the last I saw of him. He vanished. Despite going to the same university for the past four years, we've talked perhaps ten times. Most of those were run-ins in the halls between classes. I've met his SO two, three times. I can't remember her name and he never talks about her on his own. The only way he does is when I basically sit down and play inquisitor, and he volunteers information about as readily. All the times I saw him, it was either alone or with his SO, never anyone else.
I bring this up because myself and the friend who told me about the SO originally, we decided to track down our poor "married" friend and see what the situation was. Took us a while on a cell phone right outside his house before we even got him to let us inside. Did spend a nice four hours catching up on what everyone was doing. The SO sat things out on the couch in the living room, paying us no mind at all. The really shocking thing was when his next door neighbour showed up and joined in. Despite my friend living across him for most of his life, and them being really good friends, they had not spoken in the past two years, despite his also attending the same university. From what I was able to gather, my former friend does not have any people that might be called friends in his life at all, besides his SO of course. None.
The end of the story is that my former friend and the SO are now off in Alberta to start work on masters degrees. The last thing he had promised us was that as he would be leaving his home town, we'd get together for one last night of fun and drinks as friends. Never happened, despite us attempting to call him. Certainly lets one know where they stand 🙁
How many others have had this happen to them? How many of you were disgusted by that person, that your friendship together seemed to suddenly matter so little to them? Yes, being with someone you love is important, but there's still the matter of the other people.
For any on the other side of things, how on earth could you totally ditch your friends for a SO? Was it your choice, their choice, or did it seem the 'natural' thing to do for both of you? Are you still together, and if not how did your friends take your return?
I had heard of these things happening before, but never expected it to happen with someone I knew. I had always vowed that if I ever met someone I could consider a real SO, I would never, ever, sacrifice my old friends just for that person. Never. And it has happened. I have a wonderful SO, but I still keep in touch with those who were my friends.
Anyway, looking forward to hearing some thoughts from this group.
Cliffnotes: How many of you have had a friend who upon finding a significant other promptly and completely vanishes from your/their circle of friends? (and no, I am not providing pics. I have none. Suffice to say, she is far from goddess)
-- Jack
We really don't have enemies. It's just that some of our best friends are trying to kill us.
-- Anonymous
