YAGT - I just found out something I never wanted to hear

[BoldAsLove]

Okay, so me and my girlfriend had been going out for a little over a year and a half last summer. About half way through the summer my girlfriend decided that she didnt "love" me anymore so she broke up with me. I got her to admit at the time that she liked this other guy who she met when we were in washington dc together. I saw her flirting with him right in front of my face, which I of course took as nothing. So we both kind of went our separate ways for about 3 months...dating different people. She dated the guy we met in DC (he lived in California like us though) for about 2 months, before deciding that she still loved me and that she made a huge mistake (of course I still loved her). So we got back together and everything was going just fine until about a month ago. About a month ago, my friend was over and he accidentally slipped that she had done sexual deeds with him but not intercourse. Now, for some reason I have a VERY hard time dealing with this sort of thing. It stays in the back of my head and I can never get it out. I just picture the gross guy all over her in my head and I hate it. But I was going to live with it up until today. Today 2 of my friends, my girlfriend, and I were walking along the beach when somehow we got into the topic of the blabber mouth guy mentioned above. She then found out that he told me something but didn't think it pertained to her ex boyfriend. I refused to speak of what I knew, and so I had her go off with my other friend up ahead as I said I would tell my other friend (whom is a girl), about what I knew. I basically told her I knew what her and the guy did, and she took that as if I knew they had had sex. My heart literally dropped for a second. That was probably the worst feeling I have ever had. It felt almost as if everything in my body shattered. You are now probably going to think im a pussy or whatever, but if this ever happened to you and you loved someone as much as I love her, than you would feel the same exact way. She ended up taking me directly home wondering wtf was happening, but I think she figured it out cuz she started crying when she was letting me out the door.
The thing that ticks me off the most is that she never told me at all. Now granted, we have had sex many times since we have gotten back together. She had told me she never had sex with anybody else about a month ago. We were both virgins before we ever had sex together. For all I know, that guy had a disease and now I have chlamydia. Now i know Im going to get bashed here but whatever, I just needed to let this all out. Ohh and one more thing to add...on friday we were walking home with one of my frinds and we got on the topic of my ex girlfriend..these are the words out of her mouth, "oh yea if he had ever done anything with her, i probably wouldnt be able to touch him again"
fudging hypocrite.

cliffs
-
1. girlfriend broke up with me about 6 months ago
2. we dated other people in between then
3.we got back together about 3 months ago, and she told me she did nothing sexually with the other guy she dated
4. her friend just told me today that they had sex (they saw each other a total of about 5 times)
5. I could have an STD right now, as she never told me any of this.

 

[Aimster]

ouchhhh

dump

its over. you will never trust her again.

 

[xSkyDrAx]

ouch man. at this point i would say dump her before she dumps you. lying to your face like that, if she did it once, she'll do it again. it sucks but you'll find love again.

although dont take what i said too seriously cause im only going on what you posted.

 

[BoldAsLove]

the thing is....im in like a hole...i feel as if shes gonna kill herself if i break up with her...and then my friend who told me is gonna feel COMPLETELY like ******...ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh...worst day ever.

 

[mercanucaribe]

She probably didn't get an STD.

 

[BoldAsLove]

Originally posted by: mercanucaribe
She probably didn't get an STD.

the point is she lied to me.

 

[Ronstang]

I am really glad that when I was young and in college we did not have the internet. The drama was bad enough person to person in daily life. The reality is when a girl goes out with another guy after you, even if it is only for a short time, she IS GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH HIM. That simplifies the issue. If you break up and get back together another penis is in between the last time you did it before you broke up and the first time you do it after you get back together. Once you understand this simple concept it makes it much easier. It shouldn't even be a big deal. In the case you never had sex the first time you were a couple she still had sex with the guy she broke it off with you to date. He was more alpha than you and got her to give it up.....that is why she left you in the first place.

 

[EGGO]

You're never going to trust her again. You'll find better, trust me.

 

[BoldAsLove]

Originally posted by: Ronstang
I am really glad that when I was young and in college we did not have the internet. The drama was bad enough person to person in daily life. The reality is when a girl goes out with another guy after you, even if it is only for a short time, she IS GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH HIM. That simplifies the issue. If you break up and get back together another penis is in between the last time you did it before you broke up and the first time you do it after you get back together. Once you understand this simple concept it makes it much easier. It shouldn't even be a big deal. In the case you never had sex the first time you were a couple she still had sex with the guy she broke it off with you to date. He was more alpha than you and got her to give it up.....that is why she left you in the first place.

i believe she was a virgin...at least i hope so. but whatever. She was 15 at the time...so uhh yea.

 

[zerocool84]

Originally posted by: BoldAsLove

Originally posted by: Ronstang
I am really glad that when I was young and in college we did not have the internet. The drama was bad enough person to person in daily life. The reality is when a girl goes out with another guy after you, even if it is only for a short time, she IS GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH HIM. That simplifies the issue. If you break up and get back together another penis is in between the last time you did it before you broke up and the first time you do it after you get back together. Once you understand this simple concept it makes it much easier. It shouldn't even be a big deal. In the case you never had sex the first time you were a couple she still had sex with the guy she broke it off with you to date. He was more alpha than you and got her to give it up.....that is why she left you in the first place.

i believe she was a virgin...at least i hope so. but whatever. She was 15 at the time...so uhh yea.

15 at this day in age they are never virgins any more and I wouldn't trust what anybody said. Cover up and you won't have to worry.

 

[Ronstang]

Originally posted by: BoldAsLove

Originally posted by: Ronstang
I am really glad that when I was young and in college we did not have the internet. The drama was bad enough person to person in daily life. The reality is when a girl goes out with another guy after you, even if it is only for a short time, she IS GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH HIM. That simplifies the issue. If you break up and get back together another penis is in between the last time you did it before you broke up and the first time you do it after you get back together. Once you understand this simple concept it makes it much easier. It shouldn't even be a big deal. In the case you never had sex the first time you were a couple she still had sex with the guy she broke it off with you to date. He was more alpha than you and got her to give it up.....that is why she left you in the first place.

i believe she was a virgin...at least i hope so. but whatever. She was 15 at the time...so uhh yea.

Well, that is a little on the young side. I thought you were talking about college age here. Then again considering how young you kidddies are bumping uglies these days I wouldn't count anything out. It is better to NEVER discuss what you or her did with anyone else when you were not a couple. It leads to nothing but the problems you face now and it is completely irrelevant to the relationship anyway. If you guys are under the age of 18 anyway it is even more irrelevant as you are likely going to part ways anyway. Just let it pass dude. If you TRULY love her what happened with any other guy doesn't add up to a hill of beans anyway. There is a huge difference between screwing and making love....the only thing they have in common is they are both usually fun.

 

[xSkyDrAx]

If she was already doing guys after you guys broke up the first time, she's not gonna kill herself over any guilt or anything. Chances are your friend will stick by you if you just explain everything and that it's pretty much what you had to do either way and that it was best for you to know.

 

[npoe1]

Something like that happen to me once and the worst part was to find out that she was a liar, your best bet is to say her good bye, because when the trust is lost, you can not never get that back.

She did it once, she will do it again, you must not let her to get away with this, dump her, in the end it will be the best for you.

 

[ImDonly1]

OK correction #1... just from reading the first 2 sentences or so you keep saying "she loved me" and then she left you for a guy she sees and then she figures "she loves you again" and comes back. I'm sad to say but she doesnt love you. Clearly, you are more attached to her than she is to you. Move on.

 

[hzl eyed grl]

Originally posted by: zerocool84

Originally posted by: BoldAsLove

Originally posted by: Ronstang
I am really glad that when I was young and in college we did not have the internet. The drama was bad enough person to person in daily life. The reality is when a girl goes out with another guy after you, even if it is only for a short time, she IS GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH HIM. That simplifies the issue. If you break up and get back together another penis is in between the last time you did it before you broke up and the first time you do it after you get back together. Once you understand this simple concept it makes it much easier. It shouldn't even be a big deal. In the case you never had sex the first time you were a couple she still had sex with the guy she broke it off with you to date. He was more alpha than you and got her to give it up.....that is why she left you in the first place.

i believe she was a virgin...at least i hope so. but whatever. She was 15 at the time...so uhh yea.

15 at this day in age they are never virgins any more and I wouldn't trust what anybody said. Cover up and you won't have to worry.

That's not necessarily true for everyone. I know I'm a rarity, but I didn't lose my virginity until two months before I turned 26. That was about 5 years ago.

 

[Ronstang]

Originally posted by: hzl eyed grl
That's not necessarily true for everyone. I know I'm a rarity, but I didn't lose my virginity until two months before I turned 26. That was about 5 years ago.

Everything in life ususally follows a bell curve distribution and you are simply on the edge of the curve and rather atypical. Nothing wrong with that though.

 

[Skunkwourk]

sorry man, I agree with most of the replies. That is NOT something you should lie about, especially if you care about them and want to be with them. Im not trying to be just another tough guy telling you to move on, I really think you should.

 

[biggestmuff]

dump her now. she lied to you. learn this lesson now or suffer with all other relationships.

 

[Ronstang]

I am going to defend the girl in this situation about the lying part. She is young and was afraid of you reacting JUST the way you are reacting. An older girl will usually be more forthright about the situation but I still think it is something that is better left undiscussed as it is totally irrelevant to your relationship and just makes things difficult. It is highly likely that any girl is going to sleep with the guy she goes out with after you so just program that into your mindset if she comes back. Discussing it just makes it more problematic. There should be no problems and it isn't a trust thing as you were broken up and she can do whatever she likes so why create a mental picture to torture yourself.

 

[Skunkwourk]

Originally posted by: Ronstang
I am going to defend the girl in this situation about the lying part. She is young and was afraid of you reacting JUST the way you are reacting. An older girl will usually be more forthright about the situation but I still think it is something that is better left undiscussed as it is totally irrelevant to your relationship and just makes things difficult. It is highly likely that any girl is going to sleep with the guy she goes out with after you so just program that into your mindset if she comes back. Discussing it just makes it more problematic. There should be no problems and it isn't a trust thing as you were broken up and she can do whatever she likes so why create a mental picture to torture yourself.

I can see you're point of view, but the OP is reacting to the lie, not that she slept with someone else as quoted below

Originally posted by: BoldAsLove

Originally posted by: mercanucaribe
She probably didn't get an STD.

the point is she lied to me.

If you're going to commit to someone, you have to be honest, and let them choose whether or not to accept you for what you are now, not keep secrets in the hopes of gaining a favorable outcome.

 

[Ronstang]

Originally posted by: Eghck
If you're going to commit to someone, you have to be honest, and let them choose whether or not to accept you for what you are now, not keep secrets in the hopes of gaining a favorable outcome.

Read his reply....the girls is FIFTEEN!!! That explains a lot and also explains the lying out of fear. Cut her some slack. No matter what the OP thinks it is highly doubtful he is going to marry this girl.

 

[Kadarin]

When you get a little older and face a similar situation again, you pretty much just take it for granted that she's having sex with whoever the guy happens to be. Chalk this one up as a learning experience...

 

[I Saw OJ]

Originally posted by: Astaroth33
When you get a little older and face a similar situation again, you pretty much just take it for granted that she's having sex with whoever the guy happens to be. Chalk this one up as a learning experience...

Yep, sorry to say.

Shes gotta go though, theres too many good women out there to be getting heart ache from one bad one.

 

[BoldAsLove]

Originally posted by: Ronstang

Originally posted by: Eghck
If you're going to commit to someone, you have to be honest, and let them choose whether or not to accept you for what you are now, not keep secrets in the hopes of gaining a favorable outcome.

Read his reply....the girls is FIFTEEN!!! That explains a lot and also explains the lying out of fear. Cut her some slack. No matter what the OP thinks it is highly doubtful he is going to marry this girl.

shes 17 now...was 15 when we had sex for the first time.

 

[ForumMaster]

she lied to you about an important subject. go to the doctor and get checked. also, it's time to move on. there has to be trust in a relationship.