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YAGT: I can't break up with her because she likes me too much

I

Ilmater

Diamond Member
The girl I'm seeing had a rough childhood (parents were BEYOND a$$holes), and has never had a good relationship. She's always treated like sh1t.

Well then I came along, and she thinks I'm the greatest man alive because I treat her like she should be treated. But now I realize that I just really don't want a relationship. I like the fact that I don't have anyone to answer to and nobody sets my schedule but me. So I know I have to end things, and I will, but how the hell do I do it? How do I tell a girl that the only guy that's ever treated her right isn't interested. I just feel like I'll crush her.

Am I the only one that's ever felt this way? What have you done? What the hell do I do?

EDIT: So she was all over me last night (gin does that to her) and let's not kid ourselves... we men aren't good at denying sex. So we had sex last night, and immediately afterwards she was upset that she didn't know what to do: stay in Florida (she loves the state) with her family, or move back here, go back to school (she'd have to wait for a year in Florida before she could do that), and be with me.

I know it's over, but I thought I should just let her enjoy her time while she's here and tell her on Monday (she leaves on Tuesday). Should I tell her now or should I wait? She has no other place to stay while she's in town, so if I tell her now, that will just make things incredibly awkward.

What do I do?
 
I think it's important that even if you stop seeing each other romantically you still stay close with her, so she has someone to depend on as a friend and to talk to. You should clear to her that you will be there as a friend even if you stop dating (not to act like a dick, but you should say that whether it is or isn't true).
 
aww man, i had this exact same thing happen. Went on for 9 years, and i never should have let it get that far.

if you know you don't want to be with her, do it now, and be prepared for alot of borderline "crazy" reactions (which is relatively understandable). Bottom line though, you gotta break it off.

but, if you think this is some kind of phase, and you will want to end up back with her, then suck it up.

how old are you?
 
well you probably are going to crush her.

breaking up with someone that loves you can be a crushing thing.

sorry no advice, I've just been cheated on, so it was an easy breakup.
 
Be honest. If you don't, you'll end up resenting her, and hurting her worse. You aren't responsible for someone's elses troubled past.
 
Originally posted by: junkerman123
I think it's important that even if you stop seeing each other romantically you still stay close with her, so she has someone to depend on as a friend and to talk to. You should clear to her that you will be there as a friend even if you stop dating (not to act like a dick, but you should say that whether it is or isn't true).
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100% right! Be honest and truthful, as I'm guessing you already have been. Just tell her you're not ready, but you'd still like to remain good friends.
 
Just break up with her. It will be better in the long run. Don't be friends, just breakup.

I was in your situation and I ended up turning into the most horrible gf ever doing terrible things trying to get him to break up with me.. It wasn't even on purpose I just started to resent him becaues I was so mean to him and he worshipped the ground I walked on. Eventually I broke up with him, he told me he loved me, I told him to get over himself and we never spoke again.
 
Originally posted by: calvinbiss
aww man, i had this exact same thing happen. Went on for 9 years, and i never should have let it get that far.

if you know you don't want to be with her, do it now, and be prepared for alot of borderline "crazy" reactions (which is relatively understandable). Bottom line though, you gotta break it off.

but, if you think this is some kind of phase, and you will want to end up back with her, then suck it up.

how old are you?
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i was thinking the same thing. don't do something you might regret later on dude. yeah, how old are you?
 
tell her you just want to be friends.

I mean its not gonna help keeping her around longer, that would just make things worse.

It sucks but really you need to be happy in your life and if the relationship doesn't make you happy you would be doing yourself a disservice by staying involved.


In the future though, go for girls without tons of emotional baggage.
 
Originally posted by: ironcrotch
The best way is too be honest to her, you'll just be another asshole in her life if you do otherwise.
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Agreed.

I've been in those shoes before and sorta there again but, this time, I kinda like her. 🙂
 
Originally posted by: junkerman123
I think it's important that even if you stop seeing each other romantically you still stay close with her, so she has someone to depend on as a friend and to talk to. You should clear to her that you will be there as a friend even if you stop dating (not to act like a dick, but you should say that whether it is or isn't true).
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I would totally be there for her, but the problem is, she lives 6 states away. She wants to move back (she just recently moved there) - partly for me, partly because she wants to finish schooling and she'd pay out of state where she is now - but that's a little far to "be there for her."
 
Originally posted by: conjur
Originally posted by: ironcrotch
The best way is too be honest to her, you'll just be another asshole in her life if you do otherwise.
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Agreed.

I've been in those shoes before and sorta there again but, this time, I kinda like her. 🙂
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hey, you got unbanned?

congrats :beer:
 
i bet if you broke up with her, next week you would be bored and would want to spend time with her again... i would rethink think this a bit!
 
I have this same problem right now. My friend is really nice and I treated her with kindness from day one, but nobody else had her whole life. My solution is fvcked up, but I am thinking of being mean to push her away. Not really mean, but less responsive, etc., either way it's not easy to do.
 
Originally posted by: Ilmater
Originally posted by: junkerman123
I think it's important that even if you stop seeing each other romantically you still stay close with her, so she has someone to depend on as a friend and to talk to. You should clear to her that you will be there as a friend even if you stop dating (not to act like a dick, but you should say that whether it is or isn't true).
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I would totally be there for her, but the problem is, she lives 6 states away. She wants to move back (she just recently moved there) - partly for me, partly because she wants to finish schooling and she'd pay out of state where she is now - but that's a little far to "be there for her."
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Oohhh, yeah. If you would have asked before I would have told you that LDR's usually never ever ever work. Now considering that she's 6 states away it might make breaking up easier. You'll have less annoying ex-gf psycho calls. But how do you know your feelings won't change when she decides to move back. This feeling is common among the long distance kids when they are away from each other for too long. This usually change once close again. Just my observations though.
 
This situtation is remarkably similar to the one I experienced less than 12 hours ago but in reverse order. May god be good to me later on.. i've suffered enough.

It is crushing. I know.
 
Originally posted by: Ilmater
Originally posted by: Syrch
wow, how old are you?
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Why does everyone keep asking this? I'm 26 and she's 24, but I'm extremely curious to know why everyone's asking me this.
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Because being 26 and 24 is a lot different then being 16 and 14 and being like 'OMG IM IN LOVE YOU 4-EVA'
 
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