YAGT: How to deal with this problem:

[dullard]

Whelp, 20 months into our relationship my otherwise perfect GF just brought out my most dreaded female tactic. Completely out of the blue on a day when we were having a good time, she says that she is ticked off at me and won't tell me why.

I probed a bit, and she didn't budge. So later last night, I probed again and she said it was minor so she won't bring it up. But then she said it will someday turn into our first argument (ie it isn't minor). Something about my philosophy on an issue.

So, how do you deal with this tactic? Clearly, since I do not know what is wrong, I will do it/say it again. And again, and again. Each time she'll get more and more mad because I repeatedly do/say something wrong. Then, of course I'll be the bad guy. Not only did I do/say it once, but I didn't fix the problem.

Every woman I've dated so far has eventually used this tactic on me. What are some good defenses that I need to know about.

And NO, dumping her isn't an option up for consideration.

 

[Triforceofcourage]

Tell her if she wants to act like an adult and have a mature discussion about it she knows where to find you. Until then, you do not want to hear about it.

 

[ch33zw1z]

You simply tell her this: "I can't try to fix it until I know what it is, until then it's your problem." ie, what Courage said!

 

[Spineshank]

Tell her or act like you dont give a crap what it is.

 

[IceBergSLiM]

why isn't ignoring it an option? If its important it will rear its ugly head in an obvious manner at a later time. don't play her little games.

 

[Aikouka]

Originally posted by: Triforceofcourage
Tell her if she wants to act like an adult and have a mature discussion about it she knows where to find you. Until then, you do not want to hear about it.

^ Sounds good to me.

It's unfortunate that some wimmenz are too emotional and don't think with that sort of logic. It's not fair to put us poor men through such mental torture!

 

[MrDudeMan]

good responses so far.

 

[Gibson486]

there is no way but to deal with it. When my gf does it, I just ignore her and do my own thing.

 

[leftyman]

I just say Im going to the store for something and go to the bar for a couple of hours. When I get home she is more then willing to let me know why she is upset.

 

[Krazy4Real]

Really the only solution is to piss her off more. Tell her you don't want to hear about it until she's ready to have a meaningful discussion about it. Eventually, she'll blow up and you'll find out what's wrong. After a few years of this my gf doesn't do this anymore. She's straight up about issues and we deal with it promptly. She's even said that she doesn't know why she used to be so difficult. I think it's something they can grow out of, but they need help growing out of it. I think I was in the exact same situation as you. Everything else is perfect and wonderful except for that. Now that that is out of the way everything couldn't be better.

 

[EGGO]

This is what I said to my girlfriend that I'm still with after 2 years:

"Okay. When you grow up and mature you know my phone number. Till then I don't feel like being in the same room with someone who likes to keep secrets from me."

I walked away, got in the car and began to drive off. She called as I turned the corner, apparently the poor girl stayed stubborn until she saw me walking to my car and then chased after me. I really felt bad but it also felt good. We worked things out in my car and we moved on.

Oh, and when she reads this, because she goes to this forum, "I'm so so sorry. I swear I didn't see you as I drove away."

She grew up from there and never had a problem like that again.

 

[Platypus]

Originally posted by: Triforceofcourage
Tell her if she wants to act like an adult and have a mature discussion about it she knows where to find you. Until then, you do not want to hear about it.

+10000, there's no reason to waste your time on school girl tactics.

 

[Roguestar]

OP: You're screwed! Haha! Either tell her to wise up and grow up and have a discussion about it like adults or ignore her until she admits it.

 

[Luthien]

She is feeling powerless in the relationship so is using this as a means to gain power over you. Courage solution is a good one.

 

[deerslayer]

She needs to grow up or get out. Since you said dumping her isn't an option, I would take one of the suggestions above (Triforceofcourage or EGGO seem to be on the right track) and run with it.

 

[CityShrimp]

Another vote for "just ignore her until she cracks".
If you keep questioning her about it, she'll either a) get annoyed at you, b) if she's an attention-whore, she'll keep it from you so you keep worrying about her. Either way, it won't end well for you.

 

[KB]

Tell her you care about her and want to be there for her... but that you don't know how to be there for her unless you know what it is.

 

[swimscubasteve]

Originally posted by: Gibson486
there is no way but to deal with it. When my gf does it, I just ignore her and do my own thing.

Best answer ^^

 

[sdifox]

say this: "Now isn't that a strange coincidence. I am also pissed off at you but I am not going to tell you either."

 

[amdskip]

When my gf does this, I pull out a phrase: No BS, straight to the point. I hate it when they do this and expect you to make it all better when you don't even know what the problem is. I tell her I am not a mind reader and that she's playing a game from high school.

 

[yllus]

Sit her down and explain to her the method of productively discussing an issue using I Feel Statements (scroll down to the section of the same name). Doing this in an earnest fashion which displays your willingness to reasonably listen to her complaints and not dismiss them out of hand should go a long way.

 

[dullard]

Thanks everyone for the advice.

Originally posted by: KB
Tell her you care about her and want to be there for her... but that you don't know how to be there for her unless you know what it is.

That is what I tried, but it got nowhere.

I'll try to ignore it for now. But it really put a pall over my day. We took some major strides forward in our relationship this weekend, and I thought things were going very well. Then this. I hope it is not related to something big we did, but instead I hope it is related to something small I said.

If it comes up again, I'll confront her and tell her that tactic makes me mad (I shouldn't sit here mad at her and not tell her why either - I don't want to be a hypocrite).

 

[McGyver]

picture or banned!

 

[dullard]

Originally posted by: McGyver
picture or banned!

Oops.

 

[McGyver]

Originally posted by: dullard

Originally posted by: McGyver
picture or banned!

Oops.

women love surprises. so, don't be too straight forward when u talk to her.