YAGT: Help me not screw this one up

[slackerinabox]

I whine alot and over think things, I know that. But I'll quickly admit to being a sheltered momma's boy who's learning everything that many people take for granted a bit too late in life. So, yeah, don't whine about me whining..

Here's the situation. I'm looking for advice early on in the game because this is where I tend to screw up - I have one or two great dates then do something stupid, write an email that makes me sound desperate or ask too hang out too much.. or do something weird.. which ends up screwing things up....

Here's the situation in hyphen form:

- I met this girl on MySpace. But she's not your typical, annoying myspace girl. For the first part, she's older (28) and has a real career. And she's not emo or a wanna be artist, she's a regular girl who's smart and fun

-We had our first meeting on Friday. We went out for dinner and drinks
-I had a great time, she had a great time... She invited me out for a movie during the conversation
-One red flag: she broke up with her bf in July. Which made me step back a bit and be less aggressive. Unfortunately I was given the role of advise giver, but I gave real advice and I think she really dug that, I just don't want to immediately get into friend territory - which this is heading to.
-During our first get together, she said things like "i like making the move" and "i really need to know a guy first before getting into a relationship" which, again, put my game in check
-I emailed her thanking her for the groovy time and she emailed me back a simple "i had an excellent time "

I haven't replied yet. Now, what's your advice from this point forward? I would ask her to hang out again, that's my instinct - but i'm thinking I should wait. How long should I wait? Should I make it clear that I want a date by making somewhat romantic plans?

Be my obi wan, people!

 

[DaiShan]

First, NEVER discuss ex'es with a girl, second NEVER give legit advice, just echo what she says in different words. Girls don't complain because they want you to solve their problems, they do it because talking about it makes them feel better. Also, stop sending emails, a woman will appreciate it more if you at least call her. Why don't you call her Wednesday and see if she wants to go out on Friday? Also the second date isn't the time for some grandiose scheme that you think is romantic, you're still getting to know each other. Go some place where you can talk (dinner/coffee) then move from there.

 

[AnyMal]

You reply with: "I 'm glad to hear that. I look forward to our next evening out" NOTHING MORE

 

[her209]

Originally posted by: freedomsbeat212
-One red flag: she broke up with her bf in July. Which made me step back a bit and be less aggressive. Unfortunately I was given the role of advise giver, but I gave real advice and I think she really dug that, I just don't want to immediately get into friend territory - which this is heading to.
-During our first get together, she said things like "i like making the move" and "i really need to know a guy first before getting into a relationship" which, again, put my game in check

Sounds likes she's buttering you up to be her cuddlebitch. No offense.

 

[Kadarin]

Originally posted by: DaiShan
Girls don't complain because they want you to solve their problems, they do it because talking about it makes them feel better.

This statement is correct. Women are all about the whole emotional support system; it's not the situation that matters, but rather how they feel about the situation.

 

[slackerinabox]

Originally posted by: her209

Originally posted by: freedomsbeat212
-One red flag: she broke up with her bf in July. Which made me step back a bit and be less aggressive. Unfortunately I was given the role of advise giver, but I gave real advice and I think she really dug that, I just don't want to immediately get into friend territory - which this is heading to.
-During our first get together, she said things like "i like making the move" and "i really need to know a guy first before getting into a relationship" which, again, put my game in check

Sounds likes she's buttering you up to be her cuddlebitch. No offense.

It's possible. That's why I'm giving myself 3 strikes - if, after the 3rd date, we haven't made out then I'm moving on.

Though, to be fair, the things she said were out of context. She was talking about her relationship with her ex and said "I dated him for a year but knew him for 6 - I need to know a guy first before getting into a relationship and I even had to make the first move, though I prefer that sometimes"

Am I going to wait 6 years? F*ck no, but I think she was just stating how she felt in this one relationship and not in general. I hope...

 

[Stunt]

Cuddlebitch FTL!!

 

[sash1]

Originally posted by: freedomsbeat212
I haven't replied yet. Now, what's your advice from this point forward? I would ask her to hang out again, that's my instinct - but i'm thinking I should wait. How long should I wait? Should I make it clear that I want a date by making somewhat romantic plans?

Be my obi wan, people!

six days

 

[thehstrybean]

Pics? Linkage?

 

[slackerinabox]

Originally posted by: thehstrybean
Pics? Linkage?

An awful picture of her. She's much cuter in person but you're not going to believe me - I'll try to get a picture the next time i see her.

pic

 

[kt]

6 years?! I doubt it, she's 28. Time is ticking for her. I hope you are ready to settle down because most women in this stage of life is starting to look for a partner they would settle down with. That's not always the case, but more than likely. So if she doesn't see the "settle down" quality in you she will move on.

 

[slackerinabox]

Originally posted by: DaiShan
First, NEVER discuss ex'es with a girl, second NEVER give legit advice, just echo what she says in different words. Girls don't complain because they want you to solve their problems, they do it because talking about it makes them feel better. Also, stop sending emails, a woman will appreciate it more if you at least call her. Why don't you call her Wednesday and see if she wants to go out on Friday? Also the second date isn't the time for some grandiose scheme that you think is romantic, you're still getting to know each other. Go some place where you can talk (dinner/coffee) then move from there.

Good advice - i appreciate it. I'm going to make the move from advice giver to the listener, you're right.. And I shall call her on Wednesday or thursday.

2nd date possibility:
-Dinner
-Movie
-Dancing with my friends, as I always go dancing with my friends.

I think showing her how I interact with my friends can benefit me. A) They're really cool kids. B) I'm livelier, jumpier, and more fun around them. I think it's good for her to see the quiet side of me and the party animal, right?

I'll stay away from alcohol that night, limit myself to 3.. Just in case

 

[thehstrybean]

Originally posted by: freedomsbeat212

Originally posted by: thehstrybean
Pics? Linkage?

An awful picture of her. She's much cuter in person but you're not going to believe me - I'll try to get a picture the next time i see her.

pic

Link to myspace? Also, try some self-confidence. Geez. People'll believe you, you just have to believe in yourself!! /inspirational crap

 

[slackerinabox]

Originally posted by: kt
6 years?! I doubt it, she's 28. Time is ticking for her. I hope you are ready to settle down because most women in this stage of life is starting to look for a partner they would settle down with. That's not always the case, but more than likely. So if she doesn't see the "settle down" quality in you she will move on.

She did ask me that question that kinda scared me:

"What's your view of marriage? Do you believe in the institution?"

my reply was the following, which I think she liked:
"I believe in the institution but think people do it too quickly without working on themselves first. I want to be successful, I want to be someone before I get married and have kids - I don't someone to marry me right now, but the person I want to be.'

So, yeah, I think my answer was good but woudl I settle down???? That's a question to ask too soon - I'm 25, not young but not old. I'd like to have a stable relationship right now... but, i meant that, I don't want a marriage to sidetrack my career right now...

 

[slackerinabox]

Originally posted by: thehstrybean

Originally posted by: freedomsbeat212

Originally posted by: thehstrybean
Pics? Linkage?

An awful picture of her. She's much cuter in person but you're not going to believe me - I'll try to get a picture the next time i see her.

pic

Link to myspace? Also, try some self-confidence. Geez. People'll believe you, you just have to believe in yourself!! /inspirational crap

I won't link to her myspace, I don't think she'd appreciate that (linking her picture was probably not smart but it is tradition here so i'm being a good sport about that)

 

[thehstrybean]

Originally posted by: freedomsbeat212

Originally posted by: thehstrybean

Originally posted by: freedomsbeat212

Originally posted by: thehstrybean
Pics? Linkage?

An awful picture of her. She's much cuter in person but you're not going to believe me - I'll try to get a picture the next time i see her.

pic

Link to myspace? Also, try some self-confidence. Geez. People'll believe you, you just have to believe in yourself!! /inspirational crap

I won't link to her myspace, I don't think she'd appreciate that (linking her picture was probably not smart but it is tradition here so i'm being a good sport about that)

Eh, I'll give you props for that...But still...PM?

 

[kt]

Originally posted by: freedomsbeat212

Originally posted by: DaiShan
First, NEVER discuss ex'es with a girl, second NEVER give legit advice, just echo what she says in different words. Girls don't complain because they want you to solve their problems, they do it because talking about it makes them feel better. Also, stop sending emails, a woman will appreciate it more if you at least call her. Why don't you call her Wednesday and see if she wants to go out on Friday? Also the second date isn't the time for some grandiose scheme that you think is romantic, you're still getting to know each other. Go some place where you can talk (dinner/coffee) then move from there.

Good advice - i appreciate it. I'm going to make the move from advice giver to the listener, you're right.. And I shall call her on Wednesday or thursday.

2nd date possibility:
-Dinner
-Movie
-Dancing with my friends, as I always go dancing with my friends.

I think showing her how I interact with my friends can benefit me. A) They're really cool kids. B) I'm livelier, jumpier, and more fun around them. I think it's good for her to see the quiet side of me and the party animal, right?

I'll stay away from alcohol that night, limit myself to 3.. Just in case

Movie is never a good idea if you want to get to know a person. It doesn't allow you the opportunity to talk to each other. Places where loud music is being played are also not a good idea because you'll have to yell out your conversation.

Now dinner and a walk afterward will allow you to know the person because you two will have to speak to each other all the time. You don't have to put the move on her, but it gives you an opportunity to know her. The big risk is the possibility of awkward silences and not having anything to say. Will ruin your chances with her, but it would mean you two never meant to be anyhow.

 

[Chrono]

First. You're dumb. Second. Stop being dumb. Third. Dumb dumb dumb?

 

[JulesMaximus]

Wait for her to call you. Don't do anything at this point.

 

[slackerinabox]

Originally posted by: JulesMaximus
Wait for her to call you. Don't do anything at this point.

girls never call! actually, my ex (yes we're still friends) said it's now an unofficial rule to delete phone numbers, even if you like the guy - it prevents the girl from seeming desperate..

 

[slackerinabox]

Originally posted by: freedomsbeat212

Originally posted by: JulesMaximus
Wait for her to call you. Don't do anything at this point.

girls never call! actually, my ex (yes we're still friends) said it's now an unofficial rule to delete phone numbers, even if you like the guy - it prevents the girl from seeming desperate..

i just said this and realized, "wait, she called me on friday about dinner"... my ex might be wrong about something

 

[sash1]

Originally posted by: freedomsbeat212

Originally posted by: JulesMaximus
Wait for her to call you. Don't do anything at this point.

girls never call! actually, my ex (yes we're still friends) said it's now an unofficial rule to delete phone numbers, even if you like the guy - it prevents the girl from seeming desperate..

take some advice from Swingers:

"How about if I wait six weeks to call. I could tell her I found her number while I was cleaning out my wallet, I can't remember where we met. I'll ask her what she looks like and then I'll ask her if we fvcked. How about that? Would that be money?"

Yeah, but seriously. Wait 6 days.

 

[AnyMal]

Originally posted by: freedomsbeat212

Originally posted by: freedomsbeat212

Originally posted by: JulesMaximus
Wait for her to call you. Don't do anything at this point.

girls never call! actually, my ex (yes we're still friends) said it's now an unofficial rule to delete phone numbers, even if you like the guy - it prevents the girl from seeming desperate..

i just said this and realized, "wait, she called me on friday about dinner"... my ex might be wrong about something

Your ex is an idiot

 

[minendo]

God damn man stop ****** posting YAGT threads. You ****** them up everytime and then find some other hoe bag only to ****** it up and post about it on the internet.

 

[y2kc]

Originally posted by: minendo
God damn man stop ****** posting YAGT threads. You ****** them up everytime and then find some other hoe bag only to ****** it up and post about it on the internet.

just let it happen. this guy always makes me feel good about my personal life.

to the OP: be yourself, the rest will work itself out...lol.

edit: good luck.