To be honest, if she was genuinely interested, I might pursue her as well.
Just curious what your first thoughts are...
Edit: A little more detail... when we first met 4 years ago, we almost hit it off completely. we travelled to asia together, basically had an incredible time with each other. then one day, i called it off, pretty much before it ever really got to take off. we were going to be in different locations, and i didn't want the strain of a long-distance relationship. It didn't help that at that time, I didn't see myself being with her (or anyone for that matter) for an extended period of time, so any kind of "meaningful" relationship seemed purposeless. Since then, we've both expressed occassional regret, usually in what I thought was a bantering tone.
2 years ago I introduced her to one of my friends who was in the same area with her. they hit it off, and have been together ever since. He's actually one of my closest friends. The two of them have very little in common, but for some reason, they seem(ed) pretty attached to each other. By chance, the three of us ended up in the same location this summer. The two of them have been having some issues for the past month. Both of them turn to me for advice occasionally, but he's generally dispassionate about arguments, and she seems to revel in the drama (i'm being cruel, she's actually not that bad). We talk all the time, spend a lot of time alone together, but in my mind she's always been labelled "***'s girlfriend".
So today, I tell her that I'm going to new york for a conference this wednesday. She asks if she can come along, and stay with me. I tell her jokingly, "of course". But it turns out she's serious. I'm not the type to take every little sign as a profession of love, so I tell her that if she's serious, it's fine, and I'll put her up in a room near mine and we can go out during the evening. She insists that she wants to stay with me, and we go into this little spiel about the implications of that, etc. In the end, she basically forces me to tell her how i feel about her (i make it sound hesitant and truthful, but really i'm just trying to feel her out), and then she tells me that she might be in love with me. Right now, my cynic half is telling me, she's probably just been in an argument and is now on bad terms with ***, so she needs someone to make her feel desired and necessary. And while I'm considering that, she asks "would you be with me if I didn't have a boyfriend?" To be honest, if she was genuinely interested, I might pursue her as well.
Cliffs:
This is not some RANDOM girl.
Her boyfriend is one of my best friends.
We both have regrets about never following through with a relationship.
Have kept close regardless of distance/time
She says she loves me
I basically, indirectly said the same, although hopefully the phoniness of that went through; i'm not sure what i would do if she held me to that
finale: "would you be with me if i wasn't with ***"
+ I'm on extremely sketchy ground with my current girlfriend (being on opposite sides of the globe can do that)
EDIT2:
maybe i'm just trying to defend myself, or maybe subconsciously my mind was made up a long time ago, but i feel like he woudn't even take it badly if i ended up together with her. They've come extremely close to the breaking point several times (but i guess all relationships are like that), and i was actually the one that helped them work things out. I don't know if this concept is difficult to grasp, but I am as close with her as I am with him. Yeah, it might be some bizarre triangle destined for failure, but that doesn't change the fact that there are indeed feelings between her and myself. And they're not superficial, petty, first-sight emotions. they've evolved and matured with time, as we got to know each other better, etc.
i don't think that anyone can make the discernment between "bros and hoes" in this situation. because i sincerely care about both of them. my dilemma is more along the lines of "how do i separate a longing for the past and thoughts of 'what if?', from true feelings that can really develop into something worthwhile and fulfilling"
maybe i'm too young, looking too deep, and grasping at something existential. "hit and run" is coarse and vulgar, but there is some truth to it. My philosophy/mantra regarding relationships has been "don't look for true love before you're 25, because it doesn't exist".
But she's incredible and beautiful, and the more i'm with her, i feel like we're moving toward the point of no return; whether it be on the highway to heaven or hell, i'm still unsure.
+ and for you bastards, i'll get pics for you in a bit
related to this:
http://forums.anandtech.com/messageview...atid=38&threadid=1636036&enterthread=y
------------------
update:
she broke up with him to be with me.
we basically got together immediately after the breakup.
i still have a girlfriend, that i am desperately trying to get out of a relationship with.
we are being denounced on all sides
mass confusion ensues, all sides feel like they are "getting the shaft", "being pllayed", etc.
his blog:
http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=kidcapital
my retaliation:
http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=perfectsinner
sigh. where to go from here?
----------------
let this thread die, there's a new one, i didn't realize this one had been revived.
Just curious what your first thoughts are...
Edit: A little more detail... when we first met 4 years ago, we almost hit it off completely. we travelled to asia together, basically had an incredible time with each other. then one day, i called it off, pretty much before it ever really got to take off. we were going to be in different locations, and i didn't want the strain of a long-distance relationship. It didn't help that at that time, I didn't see myself being with her (or anyone for that matter) for an extended period of time, so any kind of "meaningful" relationship seemed purposeless. Since then, we've both expressed occassional regret, usually in what I thought was a bantering tone.
2 years ago I introduced her to one of my friends who was in the same area with her. they hit it off, and have been together ever since. He's actually one of my closest friends. The two of them have very little in common, but for some reason, they seem(ed) pretty attached to each other. By chance, the three of us ended up in the same location this summer. The two of them have been having some issues for the past month. Both of them turn to me for advice occasionally, but he's generally dispassionate about arguments, and she seems to revel in the drama (i'm being cruel, she's actually not that bad). We talk all the time, spend a lot of time alone together, but in my mind she's always been labelled "***'s girlfriend".
So today, I tell her that I'm going to new york for a conference this wednesday. She asks if she can come along, and stay with me. I tell her jokingly, "of course". But it turns out she's serious. I'm not the type to take every little sign as a profession of love, so I tell her that if she's serious, it's fine, and I'll put her up in a room near mine and we can go out during the evening. She insists that she wants to stay with me, and we go into this little spiel about the implications of that, etc. In the end, she basically forces me to tell her how i feel about her (i make it sound hesitant and truthful, but really i'm just trying to feel her out), and then she tells me that she might be in love with me. Right now, my cynic half is telling me, she's probably just been in an argument and is now on bad terms with ***, so she needs someone to make her feel desired and necessary. And while I'm considering that, she asks "would you be with me if I didn't have a boyfriend?" To be honest, if she was genuinely interested, I might pursue her as well.
Cliffs:
This is not some RANDOM girl.
Her boyfriend is one of my best friends.
We both have regrets about never following through with a relationship.
Have kept close regardless of distance/time
She says she loves me
I basically, indirectly said the same, although hopefully the phoniness of that went through; i'm not sure what i would do if she held me to that
finale: "would you be with me if i wasn't with ***"
+ I'm on extremely sketchy ground with my current girlfriend (being on opposite sides of the globe can do that)
EDIT2:
maybe i'm just trying to defend myself, or maybe subconsciously my mind was made up a long time ago, but i feel like he woudn't even take it badly if i ended up together with her. They've come extremely close to the breaking point several times (but i guess all relationships are like that), and i was actually the one that helped them work things out. I don't know if this concept is difficult to grasp, but I am as close with her as I am with him. Yeah, it might be some bizarre triangle destined for failure, but that doesn't change the fact that there are indeed feelings between her and myself. And they're not superficial, petty, first-sight emotions. they've evolved and matured with time, as we got to know each other better, etc.
i don't think that anyone can make the discernment between "bros and hoes" in this situation. because i sincerely care about both of them. my dilemma is more along the lines of "how do i separate a longing for the past and thoughts of 'what if?', from true feelings that can really develop into something worthwhile and fulfilling"
maybe i'm too young, looking too deep, and grasping at something existential. "hit and run" is coarse and vulgar, but there is some truth to it. My philosophy/mantra regarding relationships has been "don't look for true love before you're 25, because it doesn't exist".
But she's incredible and beautiful, and the more i'm with her, i feel like we're moving toward the point of no return; whether it be on the highway to heaven or hell, i'm still unsure.
+ and for you bastards, i'll get pics for you in a bit
related to this:
http://forums.anandtech.com/messageview...atid=38&threadid=1636036&enterthread=y
------------------
update:
she broke up with him to be with me.
we basically got together immediately after the breakup.
i still have a girlfriend, that i am desperately trying to get out of a relationship with.
we are being denounced on all sides
mass confusion ensues, all sides feel like they are "getting the shaft", "being pllayed", etc.
his blog:
http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=kidcapital
my retaliation:
http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=perfectsinner
sigh. where to go from here?
----------------
let this thread die, there's a new one, i didn't realize this one had been revived.
