So there I was: contemplating (alone in my dorm room with the shades drawn and Jenna Jameson moaning on my computer monitor) the wonders of girls, and I began to ask myself, "How do I get a girlfriend?" I mean, I'm smart, funny, and a great guy. I'm a devout Christian, and I believe that "sex can wait - masturbate!" I go to an uber-Christian school so it should be easy for me to meet a great gal, right? I spend 16 hours a day doing homework, but that doesn't mean that school and a girlfriend are mutually exclusive, right?
So I decided to go for a drive to sort out my thoughts. Let me say this right now: I HATE FVCKING COP PIGS. COPS CAN ROT IN HELL. I'VE NEVER MET A GOOD COP. THEY ARE ALWAYS DRIVING WITH THEIR SIRENS ON TO GO TO BURGER KING. THEY NEVER DO SH!T FVCK THE PIGS. Like I said - I'm a great Christian.
While I'm driving, I roll up on a pig making a traffic stop. I'll preface what I'm about to say by telling you I HATE COPS. So anyway, I drove around to an empty church parking lot and decided to see what my sound system could do. I pumped up NWA's "Fvck tha' Police," but my 1982 Dodge Omni's sound system doesn't really do too well with a lot of bass.
So I decided to show the pig a good time.
I drove out of the parking lot so that I was facing the pig car head on. I gunned the engine, and the menacing 84 HP growl of a Mopar engine echoed through my town. I motored toward the cop car and pulled out at the last second, nearly killing the pig and endangering the life of the bystanding citizen at the same time. Then I pulled out my Glock and fired a couple shots at the pig for good measure.
Then I turned around and drove home, making sure to stay under the speed limit. All of a fvcking sudden, like FIVE cop cars are on my ass! WTF? I didn't do anything wrong! I didn't kill anyone! I'm a good Christian, dammit!
So the cops follow me into my driveway and they pull me out of the car. And here they are sticking their guns in my face! WTF, I was so mad! They gave me a choice of talking to my parents or going to jail. I figured my parents would understand, so I chose the former.
My parents totally sided with me, and after the cops left they were totally cool about the whole "shots fired" thing. I can't believe those sh!tty pigs. Why do they have to fvck with me like that? Fvcking assholes!
So anyway, does anyone here know the inner workings of a girl's mind? 'Cause I really want a girlfriend who doesn't want to have sex and can appreciate an extremely studious guy, but I can't understand why girls aren't interested in me!
So I decided to go for a drive to sort out my thoughts. Let me say this right now: I HATE FVCKING COP PIGS. COPS CAN ROT IN HELL. I'VE NEVER MET A GOOD COP. THEY ARE ALWAYS DRIVING WITH THEIR SIRENS ON TO GO TO BURGER KING. THEY NEVER DO SH!T FVCK THE PIGS. Like I said - I'm a great Christian.
While I'm driving, I roll up on a pig making a traffic stop. I'll preface what I'm about to say by telling you I HATE COPS. So anyway, I drove around to an empty church parking lot and decided to see what my sound system could do. I pumped up NWA's "Fvck tha' Police," but my 1982 Dodge Omni's sound system doesn't really do too well with a lot of bass.
So I decided to show the pig a good time.
I drove out of the parking lot so that I was facing the pig car head on. I gunned the engine, and the menacing 84 HP growl of a Mopar engine echoed through my town. I motored toward the cop car and pulled out at the last second, nearly killing the pig and endangering the life of the bystanding citizen at the same time. Then I pulled out my Glock and fired a couple shots at the pig for good measure.
Then I turned around and drove home, making sure to stay under the speed limit. All of a fvcking sudden, like FIVE cop cars are on my ass! WTF? I didn't do anything wrong! I didn't kill anyone! I'm a good Christian, dammit!
So the cops follow me into my driveway and they pull me out of the car. And here they are sticking their guns in my face! WTF, I was so mad! They gave me a choice of talking to my parents or going to jail. I figured my parents would understand, so I chose the former.
My parents totally sided with me, and after the cops left they were totally cool about the whole "shots fired" thing. I can't believe those sh!tty pigs. Why do they have to fvck with me like that? Fvcking assholes!
So anyway, does anyone here know the inner workings of a girl's mind? 'Cause I really want a girlfriend who doesn't want to have sex and can appreciate an extremely studious guy, but I can't understand why girls aren't interested in me!
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