YAGT: Ditch her or keep her?

huberm

Golden Member
Dec 17, 2004
1,105
1
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so my girlfriend of about 6yrs recently entered the workforce as a nurse and has been living at my house. She works nights and I work days. After 4 months of it, I never see her and on the days she has off, she goes and does other stuff without me.

Yesterday she told me she was going out to the bars w/ friends (it was her day off). I told her why not stay home for one evening, and she declined. So, I went and saw the movie we were planning on seeing by myself, and she didn't get home until 3:30AM.

I also told her that she needs to re-evaluate her priorities and either 1)switch to the day shift (which she said is possible previously) or 2)start looking for a new job. She declined both ideas and said she was happy where she was at.

I'm tired of feeling alone, what should I do?
 

Bozono

Banned
Aug 17, 2005
2,883
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Give her permission to screw you while you sleep and all will be for the better.
 

thelanx

Diamond Member
Jul 3, 2000
3,299
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Dude man you gotta communicate better. Don't just set demands and then let her just say no. Both your demands and her reply seem irresponsible. You need to tell her "hey we need to talk" and voice your thoughts on this situation, and listen to her thoughts. Tell her you are feeling distanced from her and want to spend more time together etc... If you are both mature you should be able to come out of a talk with a much better idea of where your relationship is going. The key is for both of you to compromise on the issue. Of course, why doesn't she want to spend time with you, going bar hopping with friends instead? Seems like there are a couple issues you need to talk to her about and resolve.
 

mrrman

Diamond Member
Feb 8, 2004
8,498
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compromise on both ends...if you want to keep a relationship, you both should talk...if its only one sided, then move on and tell her to move out
 

Pepsei

Lifer
Dec 14, 2001
12,895
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Originally posted by: tami
drop her. she doesn't sound interested in the relationship anyway.


wow, that's fast, but then again, I think I'd say the same thing, but I can't help but wondering if there are more information that the OP can share before I go that route.
 
Jun 27, 2005
19,251
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Been there done that. Right now she has a place to stay while she looks for another guy. Hard to say with such little info but I'm inclined to tell you to move on and have her move out.
 

sixone

Lifer
May 3, 2004
25,162
4
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Originally posted by: tami
drop her. she doesn't sound interested in the relationship anyway.

Agreed. If she's choosing bar-hopping over spending time with you, that's a huge red flag. Disregard it at your own risk.
 

bob4432

Lifer
Sep 6, 2003
11,694
28
91
is this a one time thing? or do you ask to spend time with her a lot and she would rather go bar hopping? if it is a one time thing, i would say no biggie, but if it happens all the time, i would say there are some issues. but you need to communicate and not make black/white options

i have been married for 8.5 yrs and i know you each have to be on the same page.
 

Rage187

Lifer
Dec 30, 2000
14,276
4
81
She's freeloading, dump her.

Or you can wait and be the sucker when she tells you she has found someone else.
 

Kadarin

Lifer
Nov 23, 2001
44,303
15
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Originally posted by: sixone
Originally posted by: tami
drop her. she doesn't sound interested in the relationship anyway.

Agreed. If she's choosing bar-hopping over spending time with you, that's a huge red flag. Disregard it at your own risk.

I agree. I have been in a similar situation once, and trust me, it will not end well.
 

kranky

Elite Member
Oct 9, 1999
21,014
137
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Looks as though your answer is in your own post. She doesn't want to change shifts or look for a new job, and you are tired of feeling alone. This has been going on for months, and it only seems to bother you.

That doesn't leave much in the way of options. No relationship can survive, let alone thrive, in those conditions. You never see each other during the week, and when you both are off, she does other things. Your relationship is already over - everything but the moving out by someone.

You already know the answer, I think.
 

tami

Lifer
Nov 14, 2004
11,588
3
81
Originally posted by: Pepsei
Originally posted by: tami
drop her. she doesn't sound interested in the relationship anyway.


wow, that's fast, but then again, I think I'd say the same thing, but I can't help but wondering if there are more information that the OP can share before I go that route.

i'm a girl. i know how we relate. there's nothing to salvage if she's already moved on, and it looks like she has. i also have suspicions that she's not alone, if you get what i'm trying to say.
 

LookingGlass

Platinum Member
Jul 8, 2005
2,825
0
71
You're in a relationship, and you're lonely. If you can't work it out, work together, time to say goodbye.
 

huberm

Golden Member
Dec 17, 2004
1,105
1
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Originally posted by: tami
Originally posted by: Pepsei
Originally posted by: tami
drop her. she doesn't sound interested in the relationship anyway.


wow, that's fast, but then again, I think I'd say the same thing, but I can't help but wondering if there are more information that the OP can share before I go that route.

i'm a girl. i know how we relate. there's nothing to salvage if she's already moved on, and it looks like she has. i also have suspicions that she's not alone, if you get what i'm trying to say.


i get that feeling too. She has distanced herself physically, which can't be a good sign. Some nights she sleeps in the bed upstairs for weird reasons like she had cramps, or kept tossing and turning.
 

LookingGlass

Platinum Member
Jul 8, 2005
2,825
0
71
If she keeps distancing, she has moved on. Watch those late nights. Can she be anymore obvious.
 

envy me

Golden Member
Nov 5, 2005
1,000
0
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When she is gone working take all of her belonging and leave them outside and change your locks. Oh and take pictures and post them here.