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YAGT: Dilemma between me and her best friend....

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Omegachi

Diamond Member
hellos, i am posting about a serious dilemma that i currently having and i have no idea what i should do about it. well, i was seeing this girl, she is perfect, seriously perfect to me, but... she has one flaw... she has a guy best friend. they know each other for 5 years already, way back from high school. they talk about everything and they would hangout at each other's house sometimes. but there is nothing going on between them, and she assure me of that. when i was seeing her she would still hangout with him just one on one and it makes me feel like i am not the only guy in her life. i had a problem with this and i have confronted her quietly about it several times. we would never have a solution to this problem, and it is always me who ends up trying to have to deal with it and learn to igore it. One thing i wouldn't do is tell her to stop seeing her best friend, that is just not right.... well... i confronted her about it couple days ago, and we decided that it is better if we are not seeing each other anymore because there is too much stress between us due to this issue....

so i am wondering if you guys have any suggestion of how this problem could be solved.... because we still like each other very much, it is just this problem that is keeping us apart...

helpful comments please....thanks

*update
her best friend used to like her long time ago, and i don't konw if he still does. i have a feeling that he wants to hang around so that when things go bad she can always go to him for comfort and win her over.
 
Originally posted by: Omegachi
hellos, i am posting about a serious dilemma that i currently having and i have no idea what i should do about it. well, i was seeing this girl, she is perfect, seriously perfect to me, but... she has one flaw... she has a guy best friend. they know each other for 5 years already, way back from high school. they talk about everything and they would hangout at each other's house sometimes. but there is nothing going on between them, and she assure me of that. when i was seeing her she would still hangout with him just one on one and it makes me feel like i am not the only guy in her life. i had a problem with this and i have confronted her quietly about it several times. we would never have a solution to this problem, and it is always me who ends up trying to have to deal with it and learn to igore it. One thing i wouldn't do is tell her to stop seeing her best friend, that is just not right.... well... i confronted her about it couple days ago, and we decided that it is better if we are not seeing each other anymore because there is too much stress between us due to this issue....

so i am wondering if you guys have any suggestion of how this problem could be solved.... because we still like each other very much, it is just this problem that is keeping us apart...

helpful comments please....thanks

*update
her best friend used to like her long time ago, and i don't konw if he still does. i have a feeling that he wants to hang around so that when things go bad she can always go to him for comfort and win her over.
Click to expand...

Same shvt happened to me with my current gf. And right before we became official, the bastard pulls the "I love you" line on her. Too bad his face was ASS-ugly, as she described it. At first they still hung out a lot, but I kept her to myself most of the time so he got pwned. You gotta man up and just jack her time from him.

Also, he still wants to bone her. Please review
Ladder Theory.
 
well you do have the theory right about if things go bad he can comfort her, but the point is that why didnt he go for her when she was single.

In anycase, you got some trust issues (just like my ex did). You can trust her and begin to love her and know that you trust her and she trusts you. Now if either breaks it.. then there are problems.

I dont see a problem with a girl having a guy as a best friend as a guy having a girl as a best friend.
 
Originally posted by: TheGoodGuy
well you do have the theory right about if things go bad he can comfort her, but the point is that why didnt he go for her when she was single.

In anycase, you got some trust issues (just like my ex did). You can trust her and begin to love her and know that you trust her and she trusts you. Now if either breaks it.. then there are problems.

I dont see a problem with a girl having a guy as a best friend as a guy having a girl as a best friend.
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I have to disagree. Please read ladder theory. http://www.intellectualwhores.com/masterladder.html
 
well... to me, i think the only thing that is keeping them apart is that her family don't like him and she has no feelings for him... but if her family likes him for some reason then i don't know if she will have feelings for him she tried comforting me by saying that things would have worked out between them in the past 5 years if anything... but somehow that is still not very comforting...
 
Originally posted by: Omegachi
well... to me, i think the only thing that is keeping them apart is that her family don't like him and she has no feelings for him... but if her family likes him for some reason then i don't know if she will have feelings for him she tried comforting me by saying that things would have worked out between them in the past 5 years if anything... but somehow that is still not very comforting...
Click to expand...

Just fvck her and leave your heart out of it. It's so simple. One of these days a girl is going to break your heart and you will realize they ain't nuthin but bitches and hoez (tupac shakur). Then you will be like imma bang many women, and leave my heart out of it.
 
Originally posted by: FlyLice
Originally posted by: Omegachi
well... to me, i think the only thing that is keeping them apart is that her family don't like him and she has no feelings for him... but if her family likes him for some reason then i don't know if she will have feelings for him she tried comforting me by saying that things would have worked out between them in the past 5 years if anything... but somehow that is still not very comforting...
Click to expand...

Just fvck her and leave your heart out of it. It's so simple. One of these days a girl is going to break your heart and you will realize they ain't nuthin but bitches and hoez (tupac shakur). Then you will be like imma bang many women, and leave my heart out of it.
Click to expand...


i got enough of that sh~7 already, i am ready to settle down.
 
you sound pretty insecure. if she is so perfect, you should be playing the game and making sure YOU'RE the man. if she breaks your heart then she breaks it.


what are you going to not date any girl who has a good guy friend? do you have to be the ONLY man in your girl's life? come one. 😕
 
Originally posted by: dethman
you sound pretty insecure. if she is so perfect, you should be playing the game and making sure YOU'RE the man. if she breaks your heart then she breaks it.


what are you going to not date any girl who has a good guy friend? do you have to be the ONLY man in your girl's life? come one. 😕
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i dunno, it might be something easy for you to say... i can guarentee that if you are in my position you would feel uneasy about this issue too...
 
I would feel uneasy about it. Been there before. I hated it and I couldn't do anything. I never brought it up. I found myself a girlfriend "friend" of my own.
 
Originally posted by: Omegachi
still, i need help 🙁
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Been there, done that. Its not worth it. The last thing you need is a guy waiting in the wings constantly. They both say theres no feelings involved, but Ill never buy it.

Your "feeling" about it is dead on. Guys can have female friends, but they almost always invariably want to sleep with them. If you say he had a thing for her in the past, then he still definitely does.

Honestly, aside from the fact that the guy himself will wreck things just by his mere presence, you really, really dont want a girl that is oblivious to everyones feelings, your own, and her friends etc. She's not worth it.
 
Honestly, the only thing you can do in this situation is put your foot down. You or him. She'll almost definitely say him. Then walk along, and don't look back. And be sure to remind her that as long as she keeps her friend around, this same thing will happen to each and every guy she gets with, unless theyre total retarded and cant see the forest for the trees.
 
BD2003 is....unfortunately correct. That guy definately still wants to bone her. And you better believe everytime things get a bit uneasy between you two, he'll be right there going "you're right, he's wrong...what an asshole" undermining the relationship in subtle ways...hoping against hope that she'll either suddenly fall in love with him or become so disgusted with other men that she sleeps with him in a moment of weakness.

 
This could be a deal breaker for your relationship with this woman. Jump ship now, if you can not handle her friends.


BTW, no one is "perfect" You will continously be disappointed if you insist upon perfection.
 
Originally posted by: PingSpike
BD2003 is....unfortunately correct. That guy definately still wants to bone her. And you better believe everytime things get a bit uneasy between you two, he'll be right there going "you're right, he's wrong...what an asshole" undermining the relationship in subtle ways...hoping against hope that she'll either suddenly fall in love with him or become so disgusted with other men that she sleeps with him in a moment of weakness.
Click to expand...

Yup. Seen it happen time and time again. There is absolutely no way you can have a relationship with him always with her. It is absolutely IMPOSSIBLE. Dont even think of attempting it.

Ive been on both sides of the coin. With my ex, she started hanging out with this other guy. I was well past the point where I already wanted to break up with her, but he, and other male friends pretty much ended it. She never knew where to draw the line when it came to that, and I'm honestly glad I'm done with her. I'd never recommend a girl like that to ANYONE.

On the other hand, I used to be really good friends with a girl. I'd hang out with her all the time, even when she had boyfriends. I'd even sneak into her room etc...honestly, I never wanted a relationship with her, but I'm most definintely have boned her. Then she got a *real* boyfriend, and next thing I knew, she wasnt even talking to me anymore. I acted immature about it for a while, but then I just realized it had to happen like that. We still talk every now and then online, but I havent seen her in years. Still with the same guy, and I'm happy for her, and I'm glad I never ended up ruining anything for her.

And on top of all of that, my current gf IS smart enough to know where to draw the line. She doesnt push the trust I put in her, and likewise I don't flirt around or act like girls I want to bone are just friends.
 
Originally posted by: PingSpike
BD2003 is....unfortunately correct. That guy definately still wants to bone her. And you better believe everytime things get a bit uneasy between you two, he'll be right there going "you're right, he's wrong...what an asshole" undermining the relationship in subtle ways...hoping against hope that she'll either suddenly fall in love with him or become so disgusted with other men that she sleeps with him in a moment of weakness.
Click to expand...

So what? She has a right to have male friends, just as you have a right to have female friends. If you love her and she loves you, you have nothing to worry about. If the other guy is interested in her and makes a move, she probably refuse and won't hang out with him anymore (if she genuinely cares about you). If she doesn't, well, then you can dump her.

This is an insecurity and trust issue. I can't believe you would leave someone who obviously means a lot to you just because she has a male friend.
 
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