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YAGT: Am I right to feel weird about this?

Deeko

Deeko

Lifer
My girlfriend of 11 months has been asked to 3 different dances by 3 guys at her school. She is still in high school, I am at college, a little less than an hour away. These dances are all like specialty dances that only certain people may attend (for instance, one is an ROTC ball, the guy asking her is in it). She basically implied that she wanted my opinion on her going, without directly asking, and I didn't really give a direct response, just more of a general "maybe those guys should get dates that don't have girlfriends). Tonight, she told me she does want to go to at least one of them, just as friends, because she doesn't want to be exluded from social activites because her boyfriend goes to another school. I told her I'd by lying if I were totally comfortable with her being another guy's date to a formal dance, but that I wouldn't get mad at her if she goes. I related it to how she would feel if I went to a frat party or something down here with another girl. I think she wanted me to say something to the effect of 'oh, go ahead, I don't care', but I can't say that because I'm honest. Like I told her, I won't be mad at her if she goes, but I'm still not really comfortable with it. Am I justified in feeling this way, or am I just being jealous?
 
no it's not wrong if you to feel that way. but then there's the whole issue of trust. do you trust her? let's be honest here, you don't fully trust her to make the right decisions...
 
Am I right to feel weird about this?
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I dont think you have to be "right" about feeling weird. If going to the dance would make you feel weird, then you should go by your feelings. Your feelings are what count, not if other people think you are correct about them. Just MHO.
 
Definitely be honest about how you feel, but if you trust her enough to let her go with these guys, let her make her own decisions. Ask her, maybe, to make it clear to these guys that she's in a dedicated relationship, not to let them think they've got a chance with her. She should do that, to be fair to both them and you. If they still want to go with her after that, she should be able to enjoy the dance. Terms should be clearly set out though. It's okay to feel weird, but let her still make her own choices.
 
Just a note, I do totally trust her, its not a matter of me thinking she will cheat on me if she goes, I just feel kinda weird about it...other guys scare me, I used to have a pretty severe confidence problem, and while for the most part that's gone, I still have an underlying fear of her thinking another guy is better than me and leaving me for him, even though I know that's not going to happen by her going to this dance with a guy she's been friends with for years.
 
...the caged bird and all...

If you love something... let it go...

know what I'm sayin sayin

If she is true she will be if she is not you will know... if you pay attention.

 
Originally posted by: Deeko
Just a note, I do totally trust her, its not a matter of me thinking she will cheat on me if she goes, I just feel kinda weird about it...other guys scare me, I used to have a pretty severe confidence problem, and while for the most part that's gone, I still have an underlying fear of her thinking another guy is better than me and leaving me for him.
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you're not even being honest in that statement. if you did totally trust her, it would not matter what others may try. You have to believe that she will make the right decision. If not, then she's just a cheating whore. 😛

As for a confidence problem, that's your issue, not hers. And you're feeling weird because you are concerned about these guy's intentions. Don't be the dick boyfriend that prevents her from having fun. Keep her happy and she will stay. Restrict her too much and she will look elsewhere.
 
Originally posted by: frizzlefry
Originally posted by: Deeko
Just a note, I do totally trust her, its not a matter of me thinking she will cheat on me if she goes, I just feel kinda weird about it...other guys scare me, I used to have a pretty severe confidence problem, and while for the most part that's gone, I still have an underlying fear of her thinking another guy is better than me and leaving me for him.
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you're not even being honest in that statement. if you did totally trust her, it would not matter what others may try. You have to believe that she will make the right decision. If not, then she's just a cheating whore. 😛

As for a confidence problem, that's your issue, not hers. And you're feeling weird because you are concerned about these guy's intentions. Don't be the dick boyfriend that prevents her from having fun. Keep her happy and she will stay. Restrict her too much and she will look elsewhere.
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I said I'm not restricting her, she can go if she wants, and I know her going isn't going to change anything, its just my old confidence problem, which I am over, having a little aftershock on me. I know how other guys think, but I also know how she thinks, and I know she won't leave me because she went to a dance with another guy.
 
let her go..

then find out who she went with.. and kick his ass!

ehhe j/k

just chill and let her have fun. Girls love dances and formals.. why deprive her just because you already graduated? Get your butt down there and go with her. Or ask a friend who you trust to go with her. Or just let her go with whoever and get over your issues...
 
She also said that she feels bad about wanting to go, she doesn't want to want to go to such an event, she just needs to get out of the house. When I was home(just went to college a few months ago), we were together almost every day, so she kinda lost her social life, and it doesn't help that two of her best friends are gone(one went to the same college as me, the other moved in with her boyfriend 2 hours away). Now that she can only see me on weekends, she has nothing to do during the week, and basically wants to go to the dance so she can be with her friends, not to be with the guy.
 
Originally posted by: frizzlefry
so what do you feel weird about then?
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Would you like your woman, wife, g/f, whatever, going with some dude to a social function without you? I know I wouldn't if I had a woman🙁
 
so what do you feel weird about then?
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I don't know, I guess its just the weird stigma that she is someone else's "date" that makes me feel weird.
just chill and let her have fun. Girls love dances and formals.. why deprive her just because you already graduated? Get your butt down there and go with her. Or ask a friend who you trust to go with her. Or just let her go with whoever and get over your issues...
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She can't go with me to this one(I am going with her to her christmas formal in january), it is only for ROTC members & their dates, she is not an ROTC member. And we went to different high schools, so its not like I can hook her up with someone I trust from down there, I only know 2 guys from her school, and they graduated with me.
 
Originally posted by: djheater
...the caged bird and all...

If you love something... let it go...

know what I'm sayin sayin

If she is true she will be if she is not you will know... if you pay attention.
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No no no..

If you love something, set it free...if it doesn't come back, hunt it down and kill it.
 
Trust her, let her go, especially if she's know the guy as a friend for a long time. I have a lot of guy friends, and doing things and going places with them shouldn't bother anyone.
 
Originally posted by: amdskip
Originally posted by: frizzlefry
so what do you feel weird about then?
Click to expand...

Would you like your woman, wife, g/f, whatever, going with some dude to a social function without you? I know I wouldn't if I had a woman🙁
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nope that's the beautiful thing about trust. you trust them to go as friends. that's it. if she cheats, then she's out the door.
 
Its natural to feel this way. So its not weird. Just let her go. If she is yours she will always be yours, not matter what others do.
 
It's okay to feel weird, but if she is just friends with someone nothings going to happen anyways. If she is faithful, you've found a great girl. If she cheats, don't sweat it because you're both you and you'll probably have many more relationships before you find the one.

Besides, she's in high school. Let her get a feel for other guys, because that is the only way she'll truly appreciate what she has. Many times a woman will date someone all through high school and dump their bf in college so they can see if they're missing out on something. At this tender age, if you really do want something long-long term, I'd let her go to all the dances.
 
Well reguardless of her having a girlfriend or not, I'd still feel wierd (To put it mildly) if MY girlfriend went out with someone else.

But (sitting in my seat and not yours) I'd say let her go.

(But if one of them TOUCHED HER...I'd probably have to kill them a little bit...) 😉
 
Originally posted by: Brutuskend
Well reguardless of her having a girlfriend or not, I'd still feel wierd (To put it mildly) if MY girlfriend went out with someone else.

But (sitting in my seat and not yours) I'd say let her go.

(But if one of them TOUCHED HER...I'd probably have to kill them a little bit...) 😉
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ROFL 😀

 
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