YAGT: Am I a tool or what

[mdpdo]

I have been dying to ask this, and want honest, even cruel, answers.

I have known my wife for 21 years and have been married for 15, and have 3 beautiful children.
Problem is that I have a difficult time getting desirous for my wife. Nothing wrong in the hydrolics. The problem is that after 3 kids she has gained about 70 pounds and although I love her and she is often horny, I find it hard to get turned on by her appearance. To make matters worse, we had a few troublesome years and stopped kissing passionately, and can't seem to regain them. And of course like most couples with kids it is unusual for us to get much time alone. Still can't get the 2 year old in to a bed of her own.
Now comes the part, where I'll loose you. A few years back we seperated and I had a few encounters with younger more slender women. I think this has soured me. One encounter was quite serious but I chose to return to my wife.
I just can't seem to get beyond the visual. I have to admit that I have gained about 20 pounds since college as well so I am being a bit of a hipocrite.
I have also tried to get us both exercising, joined gym, bought bikes, treadmill ab machine and rowing machine, now have pool. And although she works from home she seems to never have the time.

Now let me have it.

 

[MrChad]

*Pulls up lawn chair*

 

[Steve]

What's your other screen name here?

 

[Blazin Trav]

hit it from the back

 

[Bulk Beef]

I'll take one for the team-I kicked a girl to the curb for about 20 lbs. There-I said it.

 

[Compudork]

Talk to her?

 

[mdpdo]

Originally posted by: sm8000
What's your other screen name here?

Ill admit that I have one but like a newbie I am too tracable by that one so I will choose to remain anonymous. I am sure you guys could figure it out but due to the nature of the conversation I ask that you let it lay.

 

[veggz]

Lyposuction or divorce.

 

[MrChad]

Originally posted by: mdpdo

Originally posted by: sm8000
What's your other screen name here?

Ill admit that I have one but like a newbie I am too tracable by that one so I will choose to remain anonymous. I am sure you guys could figure it out but due to the nature of the conversation I ask that you let it lay.

Well, that's the end of this thread ...

 

[neegotiator]

lotsa beer?

 

[mdpdo]

Originally posted by: Compudork
watch porn while you do it? seriously...

Try to some times. Thats the only thing I have found yet.

 

[Compudork]

Tell her you want to get back into shape with her, and work your bedroom magic because it'll help burn calories.

 

[Hyperblaze]

Whatever happened to the communication process?

 

[imported_LoKe]

Originally posted by: mdpdo

Originally posted by: sm8000
What's your other screen name here?

Ill admit that I have one but like a newbie I am too tracable by that one so I will choose to remain anonymous. I am sure you guys could figure it out but due to the nature of the conversation I ask that you let it lay.

I'm going to put all my doritos on the table and say you didn't use a proxy.

Your account is now gone.

 

[Eeezee]

I was going to call shens because it takes bravery to admit those kinds of things. I am not going to call shens though because you made your screen name for that post, and didn't have the guts to use your real screen name. That's a very good idea, without a doubt.

Anyway, tell her how you feel. Seventy pounds is a LOT of weight, and you should tell her that she needs to slim down. Women hate hearing it but it's for the best. If she wants you to sleep with her, she'll just have to start exercising. If you're halfway decent in bed, she'll try to slim down.

Use this line. "You badly need a case of anorexia." Works every time.

 

[veggz]

Originally posted by: LoKe

Originally posted by: mdpdo

Originally posted by: sm8000
What's your other screen name here?

Ill admit that I have one but like a newbie I am too tracable by that one so I will choose to remain anonymous. I am sure you guys could figure it out but due to the nature of the conversation I ask that you let it lay.

I'm going to put all my doritos on the table and say you didn't use a proxy.

Your account is now gone.

ahahahaha GG OP

 

[LanceM]

No matter what weight she was before, a 70-lb gain is unhealthy. I would not stand for it, and my wife would feel the same about me.

Appearance matters, no matter what anyone says.

 

[thehstrybean]

Originally posted by: MrChad
*Pulls up lawn chair*

*passes beer*

 

[mdpdo]

Originally posted by: LoKe

Originally posted by: mdpdo

Originally posted by: sm8000
What's your other screen name here?

Ill admit that I have one but like a newbie I am too tracable by that one so I will choose to remain anonymous. I am sure you guys could figure it out but due to the nature of the conversation I ask that you let it lay.

I'm going to put all my doritos on the table and say you didn't use a proxy.

Your account is now gone.

If I was smart in the first place I would have used a unique ID for anandtech but I didn't because I never intended to use the site for anything but technical advice but that was before I discovered ATOT. As you will attest this section is quite addictive.

 

[MrChad]

Originally posted by: thehstrybean

Originally posted by: MrChad
*Pulls up lawn chair*

*passes beer*

:beer:

 

[mdpdo]

Originally posted by: LanceM
No matter what weight she was before, a 70-lb gain is unhealthy. I would not stand for it, and my wife would feel the same about me.

Appearance matters, no matter what anyone says.

I have actually mention this to her more as a medical concern as her grandmother had diabetes.

 

[Nutdotnet]

Seventy lbs. is a ******-load of weight dude. You have every right to feel slightly disgusted my her appearance.

She probably has nasty stretch marks and ****** too...tell her how you feel man...if you're gonna be with her the rest of your life wouldn't you like to get it up every once in a while?

 

[eakers]

Honestly, while what you are feeling is every overweight woman's nightmare it is pretty natural to feel the way you do. The worst part is that you can't really talk to her about it because the shame and embarassment you will cause for her will just make the situation worse.

Can you try focusing on a part of her body that does turn you on? Maybe bigger boobs or but or something?

It would take a dedicated lifestyle change for your family not just her to change things. Maybe you can talk to her about the importance of showing your children how important it is to eat healthy and exercise by serving healthy meals and exercising together as a family.

 

[Bulk Beef]

btw, the point of my post was that you're probably not a tool, and if you are, there are bigger tools in the toolbox.