- Jun 30, 2001
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Stumped Doc
A man goes to see the doctor and tells the doc that his penis has turned orange. The doctor looks at it and says, ?I haven't ever seen any thing like this before in my entire medical career. What do you do for a living? Do you work around any hazardous materials?? The man says no. The doctor asks the man what he does all day. The man responds, ?Nothing.? The doctor is really puzzled now and says, ?You can't not do anything. What do you do at home all day?? The man replies, ?Honestly, doc I, don't do anything. I just sit around, watch porno flicks and eat Cheetos.?
***************************************************
Famous People Say the Darndest Things
"There are only two reasons to sit in the back row of an airplane: Either you have diarrhea, or you're anxious to meet people who do."
Henry Kissinger (former US Secretary of State)
"Things you'll never hear a woman say: 'My, what an attractive scrotum!'
Patricia Arquette
"And God said: "Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on Satan."
George Burns
"Luge strategy? Lie flat and try not to die."
Carmen Boyle (Olympic gold medalist in luge, 1966)
"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships."
Sharon Stone
"My girlfriend always laughs during sex-no matter what she's reading."
Steve Jobs (Founder: Apple Computers)
"My cousin just died. He was only 19. He got stung by a bee-the natural enemy of a tightrope walker."
Dan Rather (News anchorman)
"I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, 'Thyroid problem?"
Arnold Schwarzenegger
"Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps."
Tiger Woods
"I read somewhere that 77 per cent of all the mentally ill live in poverty. Actually, I'm more intrigued by the 23 per cent who are apparently doing quite well for themselves."
Jerry Garcia (Grateful Dead)
"I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a Great White or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot."
Axel Rose (Guns'n'Roses)
"Capital punishment turns the state into a murderer. But imprisonment turns the state into a gay dungeon-master."
Rev. Jesse Jackson
"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."
Jack Nicholson
"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."
Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady)
Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."
Robin Williams
"Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself."
Roseanne
"In the last couple of weeks I have seen the ads for the Wonder Bra. Is that really a problem in this country? Men not paying enough attention to women's breasts?"
Hugh Grant
"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?"
Dustin Hoffman
"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house."
Rod Stewart., aging cover band singer
************************************************************
A guy walks into a coffee shop and sees President Bush and Colin Powell sitting together. He introduces himself and asks President Bush, "How goes the War effort, Sir?"
President Bush answers, "We're getting ready to kill 40 million Iraqi's and one blonde."
The guy asks in astonishment, "Why are you killing one blonde?"
President Bush turns to Colin Powell and says, "See, I told you people wouldn't care about the Iraqi's."
A man goes to see the doctor and tells the doc that his penis has turned orange. The doctor looks at it and says, ?I haven't ever seen any thing like this before in my entire medical career. What do you do for a living? Do you work around any hazardous materials?? The man says no. The doctor asks the man what he does all day. The man responds, ?Nothing.? The doctor is really puzzled now and says, ?You can't not do anything. What do you do at home all day?? The man replies, ?Honestly, doc I, don't do anything. I just sit around, watch porno flicks and eat Cheetos.?
***************************************************
Famous People Say the Darndest Things
"There are only two reasons to sit in the back row of an airplane: Either you have diarrhea, or you're anxious to meet people who do."
Henry Kissinger (former US Secretary of State)
"Things you'll never hear a woman say: 'My, what an attractive scrotum!'
Patricia Arquette
"And God said: "Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on Satan."
George Burns
"Luge strategy? Lie flat and try not to die."
Carmen Boyle (Olympic gold medalist in luge, 1966)
"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships."
Sharon Stone
"My girlfriend always laughs during sex-no matter what she's reading."
Steve Jobs (Founder: Apple Computers)
"My cousin just died. He was only 19. He got stung by a bee-the natural enemy of a tightrope walker."
Dan Rather (News anchorman)
"I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, 'Thyroid problem?"
Arnold Schwarzenegger
"Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps."
Tiger Woods
"I read somewhere that 77 per cent of all the mentally ill live in poverty. Actually, I'm more intrigued by the 23 per cent who are apparently doing quite well for themselves."
Jerry Garcia (Grateful Dead)
"I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a Great White or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot."
Axel Rose (Guns'n'Roses)
"Capital punishment turns the state into a murderer. But imprisonment turns the state into a gay dungeon-master."
Rev. Jesse Jackson
"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."
Jack Nicholson
"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."
Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady)
Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."
Robin Williams
"Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself."
Roseanne
"In the last couple of weeks I have seen the ads for the Wonder Bra. Is that really a problem in this country? Men not paying enough attention to women's breasts?"
Hugh Grant
"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?"
Dustin Hoffman
"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house."
Rod Stewart., aging cover band singer
************************************************************
A guy walks into a coffee shop and sees President Bush and Colin Powell sitting together. He introduces himself and asks President Bush, "How goes the War effort, Sir?"
President Bush answers, "We're getting ready to kill 40 million Iraqi's and one blonde."
The guy asks in astonishment, "Why are you killing one blonde?"
President Bush turns to Colin Powell and says, "See, I told you people wouldn't care about the Iraqi's."
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