- Jul 12, 2007
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So as some of you know my father decided last year to relocate back to the United States at the ripe old age of 80. His decision was predicated on an invitation from my brother and I to come back to the states. Prior to inviting my father back, my brother and I decided that my father would split time between our households, living part of the year with me and my family, and part of the year with my brother.
My father took us up on the invitation, and relocated to the states in the middle of last year. For the ensuing 8 months he stayed with me, during which time it became eminently apparent that my father would require quite a bit of care (as most 80 year olds would). While I am sure my wife and I did not fulfull his every desire, we did take care of him quite well in my opinion.
That being said, about 3 months ago my father flew down to another state to begin his stay with my brother. During that time I have spoken regularly with my father over the phone, and I have been very surprised to hear about how my brother is treating him. To make a long story short, my brother is treating him like a pet. He doesn't take my father out of the house except to go grocery shopping once a week (for a about 15 minutes). He doesn;t make sure there is food in the house for my father to eat (my father cannot get it himself because he has no car and my brother's house is in the sticks), etc. As a result, my father is spending enormous amounts of time alone in my brothers house, with no one checking on him or even talking to him. As a result my father has started to show signs of depression.
Last weekend I finally got fed up, called my brother, and screamed at him over the phone that he needs to take better care of our father. He was outraged that I was so upset, arguing that he "had to work" etc., to which I responded that he needed to put my father's needs above his own on occasion. My brother (who is 41, has no kids, and has never had to care for anyone but himself) simply cannot seem to understand this concept.
Anyway, I am contemplating relocating my father back to my house permanently, which (obviously) would be hard (in some ways) on my family and would clearly be a material change in the agreement between my brother and I. But I am at a loss as to what to do otherwise. My brother seems to be dropping the ball big time with respect to our father, and to my father's detriment.
So what say you ATOT? Am I overreacting or under reacting? And what would you do in this situation?
Cliffs-
-OP's father relocated to the states on invitation by OP and OP's brother
-OP's and OP's brother agreed to mutually support father by housing him part time at their respective homes
-OP housed father for 8 months, did well. Took care of father's basic needs. Integrated him into family, etc.
-OP's brother is acting like a selfish nitwit and is treating father like a pet. Leaving him home alone for long stretches without checking on him, not taking him out of the house, etc.
-Father is starting to show signs of depression
-OP is pissed and screamed at brother, wants to know if he under reacted or over reacted, and if he should relocate father back to his (OP's) house.
My father took us up on the invitation, and relocated to the states in the middle of last year. For the ensuing 8 months he stayed with me, during which time it became eminently apparent that my father would require quite a bit of care (as most 80 year olds would). While I am sure my wife and I did not fulfull his every desire, we did take care of him quite well in my opinion.
That being said, about 3 months ago my father flew down to another state to begin his stay with my brother. During that time I have spoken regularly with my father over the phone, and I have been very surprised to hear about how my brother is treating him. To make a long story short, my brother is treating him like a pet. He doesn't take my father out of the house except to go grocery shopping once a week (for a about 15 minutes). He doesn;t make sure there is food in the house for my father to eat (my father cannot get it himself because he has no car and my brother's house is in the sticks), etc. As a result, my father is spending enormous amounts of time alone in my brothers house, with no one checking on him or even talking to him. As a result my father has started to show signs of depression.
Last weekend I finally got fed up, called my brother, and screamed at him over the phone that he needs to take better care of our father. He was outraged that I was so upset, arguing that he "had to work" etc., to which I responded that he needed to put my father's needs above his own on occasion. My brother (who is 41, has no kids, and has never had to care for anyone but himself) simply cannot seem to understand this concept.
Anyway, I am contemplating relocating my father back to my house permanently, which (obviously) would be hard (in some ways) on my family and would clearly be a material change in the agreement between my brother and I. But I am at a loss as to what to do otherwise. My brother seems to be dropping the ball big time with respect to our father, and to my father's detriment.
So what say you ATOT? Am I overreacting or under reacting? And what would you do in this situation?
Cliffs-
-OP's father relocated to the states on invitation by OP and OP's brother
-OP's and OP's brother agreed to mutually support father by housing him part time at their respective homes
-OP housed father for 8 months, did well. Took care of father's basic needs. Integrated him into family, etc.
-OP's brother is acting like a selfish nitwit and is treating father like a pet. Leaving him home alone for long stretches without checking on him, not taking him out of the house, etc.
-Father is starting to show signs of depression
-OP is pissed and screamed at brother, wants to know if he under reacted or over reacted, and if he should relocate father back to his (OP's) house.
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