Don't do it. They really have no other close friends who can come up with 10'000? pre-inherit or something from their grand parents? They do have grand parents, no? Your GFs mum, can't SHE come up with a little bit? Can't your girlfriend come up with a little bit? How much money do you have totally now if I may ask? I'm just telling you, money is, where friendship ends.
Ciber
Platinum Member
- Nov 20, 2000
- 2,531
- 30
- 91
Ok, here's a good way for you to look at this, state the reasons why giving them your money is a GOOD THING and why you want to give them your money.
So
Pros
Your gf will be happy and her family will think you're really nice and helpful
Cons
you can lose 10k
you can lose 10k
when it comes time to get your money, if they dont have it the relationship with your gf's family will be destroyed and possibly the one with your gf since you will hate her mom and whoever else had to do with your money and will most likely also blame your gf for it.
you can lose 10k
Your gf wont be happy with it at first but she will get over it and if she doesnt then you dont need her.
No matter what you say on this board it is very clear, at least to me that this is all about pleasing your gf, there is no way that you're even considering this for any other reason.
So
Pros
Your gf will be happy and her family will think you're really nice and helpful
Cons
you can lose 10k
you can lose 10k
when it comes time to get your money, if they dont have it the relationship with your gf's family will be destroyed and possibly the one with your gf since you will hate her mom and whoever else had to do with your money and will most likely also blame your gf for it.
you can lose 10k
Your gf wont be happy with it at first but she will get over it and if she doesnt then you dont need her.
No matter what you say on this board it is very clear, at least to me that this is all about pleasing your gf, there is no way that you're even considering this for any other reason.
Originally posted by: SCSIfreek
It aint Friday yet so I still can back out....maybe perhaps maybe not
I wouldn't do it, at the very least think of all the intrest you could make off of 10K. Are they really that selfish that they would ask for all that money without any compinsation, and then would be offended that you want some sort of legal contract. Yes it will make things difficult, but in the long run it will be a LOT more difficult if you lend them the money. If by the grace of God you do get the money back, for the rest of your life you'll have distent "relatives" comming to you for money.
Nothing puts a bigger burdon on a relationship that finacial issues. Trying to collect money from relatives is a HUGE finacial issue.
Originally posted by: SCSIfreek
It aint Friday yet so I still can back out....maybe perhaps maybe not
weak minded fool, it seems like you know that you shouldn't do this, your inner feelings and common sense tells you that ATOT people are right, yet you are still not convinced. It's your money though.
I will lose all respect for you if you make the foolish decision to lend them 10 thousand diollars.
after reading scsifreek's responses to this thread, i have come to the conclusion that he is an idiot. he will do it even though 50 ppl have told him that it's a horrible idea. why even ask the question?
Originally posted by: SCSIfreek
my GF want to do it since her aunty is fairly close to her. Its gonna be a mess if I don't write that check. I don't want to ruined our relationship over something like this...
I have to agree with what Carbonyl said, "Only give money to friends or family never loan."
How & why would your girl friend know how much money you have?
How could they afford his education if they don't have 10K?
How much do you care for this girl & how long has the relation ship been?
Have she ever ask you for anything before?
Ask yourself the above question then weight the options.
Good luck!
If this GF's Aunt's son needs a student visa then I am assuming that neither he nor his mother live in the US?
Originally posted by: SCSIfreek
I'm pretty much stuck, er..relative(GF's Mom's sister) knew I had the money. I need to write a check by the end of this week
how much heatware does he have?
i personally won't do it - reasons already given - see above posts.
Originally posted by: SCSIfreek
It aint Friday yet so I still can back out....maybe perhaps maybe not
Nohr is right, your mind is set. You've heard how everyone in this thread has said no yet you still want to 'loan' your GF's mother's sister the money. Why bother asking for suggestions when you don't care about them? Perhaps you were looking for words of encouragement? "Good idea, SCSI! Loan your savings with no gurantee of return! Good job!" Perhaps? Sorry. Anyone with reasonable logic knows that this will just screw you later on.
Originally posted by: SCSIfreek
Yeah I know but its my GF relative so she considered being mines as well.
Try to evaluate the chances that by July 2004
a) your GF will still be your GF or wife
b) your GF will be your ex-GF or ex-wife
Sorry, but I have to chime in here. As almost EVERYONE has said DO NOT LOAN/GIVE THE MONEY!!!!!!! Also as one of the previous posters has said (sorry forgot who it was) you will LOSE your money because this is to prove that they can pay for school, and they obviously DON'T have money for school.... so I wonder where this money is going to go...
It is NOT your responsibility or duty to help this "cousin". It is extremely RUDE to even have asked you in the first place because loans of this size should only take place between DIRECT family members not cousins of your gf. I am asian so I do understand this trust issue, but why do you have to follow it? 10k is too much to trust to someone you don't even know. The only benefit I could see from this is that you would be maintaining/strengthening the relationship with the family on a whole and especially so with the mother. BUT this is only initially, most likely your relationship with the family as a whole will become very strained.
I say this because you must remember that generally money RUINS relationships not help them, that's why people here are saying if you are going to give/loan money don't expect it back. The reason why I say that it ruins relationships is that if you were to lend them the money and they don't pay you back, which most likely will happen since they can NOT do so since they have to spend it, you would most likely feel cheated/disconnected from the family and you would not only feel anger towards the family, but they would also feel anger towards you since you should not be asking for the money back. So basically you lose all the ground you made by originally lending them the money, but also you lose $10K!!!
Now lets say you do lend them the money, well guess what... you are now offically the bank of the family and you WILL be hit up for more money. The problem will be that you really can't say no without causing a LOT of anger, animosity, and jealousy. This is because the other family members will wonder why you only lent the cousin money and will not lend them money also. Believe me you do not want to become the bank of the family it will suck so bad and you will most likely break out of the relationship thus making the originally loan which was to better the relationships a useless and very costly gesture.
Also if your gf breaks up with you(which you said would not happen, but lets pretend) because you didn't lend the money then she's obviously in the relationship for the wrong reasons and it was better for both of you. The mother would most likely be angry at you, but I think it is more important to do what is better for YOU and not the mother because it is YOUR money.
This is a very tuff decision because I am pretty sure you are getting a LOT of pressure to lend the money, but just because everyone says to jump off the bridge does not mean you should
So basically if I were to put my whole argument in one sentence it would be: DO NOT FRIGGIN LEND THEM THIS MONEY BECAUSE IT IS NOT WORTH IT AND WILL CAUSE YOU MORE PROBLEMS THEN IT IS WORTH AND IF YOU DO LEND THEM THE MONEY YOU ARE 100% WHIPPED AND NEED TO GROW SOME BALLS!!!!!!!!!
Good Luck!
It is NOT your responsibility or duty to help this "cousin". It is extremely RUDE to even have asked you in the first place because loans of this size should only take place between DIRECT family members not cousins of your gf. I am asian so I do understand this trust issue, but why do you have to follow it? 10k is too much to trust to someone you don't even know. The only benefit I could see from this is that you would be maintaining/strengthening the relationship with the family on a whole and especially so with the mother. BUT this is only initially, most likely your relationship with the family as a whole will become very strained.
I say this because you must remember that generally money RUINS relationships not help them, that's why people here are saying if you are going to give/loan money don't expect it back. The reason why I say that it ruins relationships is that if you were to lend them the money and they don't pay you back, which most likely will happen since they can NOT do so since they have to spend it, you would most likely feel cheated/disconnected from the family and you would not only feel anger towards the family, but they would also feel anger towards you since you should not be asking for the money back. So basically you lose all the ground you made by originally lending them the money, but also you lose $10K!!!
Now lets say you do lend them the money, well guess what... you are now offically the bank of the family and you WILL be hit up for more money. The problem will be that you really can't say no without causing a LOT of anger, animosity, and jealousy. This is because the other family members will wonder why you only lent the cousin money and will not lend them money also. Believe me you do not want to become the bank of the family it will suck so bad and you will most likely break out of the relationship thus making the originally loan which was to better the relationships a useless and very costly gesture.
Also if your gf breaks up with you(which you said would not happen, but lets pretend) because you didn't lend the money then she's obviously in the relationship for the wrong reasons and it was better for both of you. The mother would most likely be angry at you, but I think it is more important to do what is better for YOU and not the mother because it is YOUR money.
This is a very tuff decision because I am pretty sure you are getting a LOT of pressure to lend the money, but just because everyone says to jump off the bridge does not mean you should
So basically if I were to put my whole argument in one sentence it would be: DO NOT FRIGGIN LEND THEM THIS MONEY BECAUSE IT IS NOT WORTH IT AND WILL CAUSE YOU MORE PROBLEMS THEN IT IS WORTH AND IF YOU DO LEND THEM THE MONEY YOU ARE 100% WHIPPED AND NEED TO GROW SOME BALLS!!!!!!!!!
Good Luck!
read this whole thread and i just have to comment:
DON'T DO IT.
If you do decide to do it, make SURE you understand that you are GIVING them 10k, not "loaning" them 10k. Do NOT "loan" them the money expecting to get it back later, it just won't happen. Now, if you understand that you are just GIVING them 10k, and you are OK with that, then go ahead.
PLEASE be logical. PLEASE listen to every memeber that has posted here. DON'T DO IT!!!11
DON'T DO IT.
If you do decide to do it, make SURE you understand that you are GIVING them 10k, not "loaning" them 10k. Do NOT "loan" them the money expecting to get it back later, it just won't happen. Now, if you understand that you are just GIVING them 10k, and you are OK with that, then go ahead.
PLEASE be logical. PLEASE listen to every memeber that has posted here. DON'T DO IT!!!11
ultimatebob
Lifer
- Jul 1, 2001
- 25,134
- 2,450
- 126
Hmm.... Doesn't that fact alone tell you something?!? Anyway, I suggest that you talk this over with your parents or your other friends, and see what they think about this "loan". They (hopefully) know more about you than we do, and perhaps they can give you some objective advice.
NO KIDDING!!!
SCSIfreek needs a serious butt kicking... His head is not screwed on correctly...
Damm, this is so wrong in so many ways...
I wonder how old SCSIfreek is, he must be young...
Grasshopper
thanks for the advice. I know exactly what everyone thinks. I'll try my best to avoid lending it out. I'll update as we progress into Thursday.
Anyone here ever did a Student VISA? please speak up.
--Scsi
Anyone here ever did a Student VISA? please speak up.
--Scsi
Originally posted by: SCSIfreek
I'm pretty much stuck, er..relative(GF's Mom's sister) knew I had the money. I need to write a check by the end of this week
Having the money does not require that you hand it over...
You could be worth a million bucks, you still shouldn't hand it over, unless it is simply a gift. Even then I personally wouldn't do it...
Grasshopper
Originally posted by: SCSIfreek
my GF want to do it since her aunty is fairly close to her. Its gonna be a mess if I don't write that check. I don't want to ruined our relationship over something like this...
If this sort of thing would "ruin" your relationship with your g/f, then your DON'T HAVE A RELATIONSHIP with your "g/f".
This is not something that would justify her leaving you, period.
DO NOT WRITE THE CHECK! IF YOU DO, YOU'RE A FOOL!!!
Grasshopper <--- my 3.2 cents...
Geez, just write the check to me instead. Looks like you've dug yourself a hole to step in, the only question now is how big will it be. If you are firm and say NO at least you'll be able to crawl out of it (at the risk of ruining your relationship with your GF, but if you're GF is the understanding type this shouldn't be an issue at all). If you are weak and say YES then prepare to face the worst down the road.
I too believe the request was WAY out of line.
If you feel like donating money, why not split the $10k between all the guys here who're helping you out eh? *hint hint!!* j/k
I too believe the request was WAY out of line.
If you feel like donating money, why not split the $10k between all the guys here who're helping you out eh?
*hint hint!!* j/kOriginally posted by: SCSIfreek
I won't die or have financial problems after lending out the 10K. It just bugs me to lend out my savings to someone I have never seen. As some of you had suggested to write a contact, this won't be a option since my GF considered this as a trust issue(chinese family trust type of thing). Furthermore, there won't be any monthly payment plans, as they agreed to give it all back once the application process completes. This Friday will mark as a sad day for my bank account.
Hey man, I'm Chinese, I need some cash... I'd be insulted if you wanted paperwork, please give me some. Heck, even $500 would be enough to hold me over for awhile, I'll pay you back in two years, honest!!!
Will you lend me $500 based on that?
The same answer should apply to your own situation.
Grasshopper
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