Would you have done the same thing...?

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Alphathree33

Platinum Member
Dec 1, 2000
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So the girl that I was talking about here, here and elsewhere invited me to a day trip to a beach a few hours away from here.

I let her down easily but firmly so there was no room for movement: no. Why? Because I know the more I see her in the next three weeks, the harder it will be when I move 300 km away from her.

Luckily I had a heads up as a few of my friends told me about her plans. When she called I was ready. (She had tried to call earlier but I wasn't home.) I know that I'm one of the main reasons she was planning this, and I clearly sadden her on the phone.

My logical side tells me that I just did a good thing: I passed up what would've been one of the best days I've had in a long time in order to avoid making moving away from home that much harder. But I still feel like crap for doing that to her. She seems to think that packing in as much as possible is good, I think that spending as little time with her as possible right now will be best in the long run.

I know from past experience that just spending a few hours with her makes me want to not move to waterloo at all, and then makes me depressed for another few days. I just don't want to deal with a whole day. Am I making any sense?
 
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Que-TiP

Senior member
Dec 8, 1999
685
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age old question.

is it better to have love and lost, or to never have loved at all.

As I get older I'm regretting the things that I didn't do, instead of the the things that I did do.

deep, eh?
 
AreaCode707

AreaCode707

Lifer
Sep 21, 2001
18,440
101
91
Well, last year when my (now ex) bf and I were going off to seperate far away colleges, we wanted to spend a lot of time together, because then we had those memories to take with us, and because we enjoyed each other's company. Why wouldn't you go? Sure it'll be hard to leave, but hard isn't measured in degrees and it'll probably be about equally hard whether you spend time with her now or not.
 
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Alphathree33

Platinum Member
Dec 1, 2000
2,419
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Originally posted by: HotChic
Well, last year when my (now ex) bf and I were going off to seperate far away colleges, we wanted to spend a lot of time together, because then we had those memories to take with us, and because we enjoyed each other's company. Why wouldn't you go? Sure it'll be hard to leave, but hard isn't measured in degrees and it'll probably be about equally hard whether you spend time with her now or not.
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It wouldn't be when I was leaving that would be hardest, it would be the next few days going on the day trip with her when I would be thinking about her even more and how much I want to stay... that's the thing... Or when I'm in my dorm trying to make new friends, and that would be one of the places I wish I could be instead...

In response to Que-TiP, I do see what you mean about regretting things you didn't do rather than what you did. And in the long run, I suppose I will regret not doing this. But for me, right now... I'm not sure.

I'm really confused. Life is confusing. :)
 
Modeps

Modeps

Lifer
Oct 24, 2000
17,255
44
91
Once upon a time, Intake was in college during the summer months for an internship... he met a wonderful woman one evening, and spent the next two weeks, the happiest man on earth... they confessed their love for one another, then determined that it would be best not to continue the relationship because she was moving about 300 miles away. He spent the next few months depressed and swearing off all women... wishing that she had stayed. Later that year, out of the blue, he met his future wife and found out the girl he lost decided she really was a lesbian.

moral: you never know.
 
FeathersMcGraw

FeathersMcGraw

Diamond Member
Oct 17, 2001
4,041
1
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Making yourself miserable in the present to postpone possible misery in the future seems like a good way to make reasonably sure that you live miserably.

This is the age of communication; it's not like distance is going to be an issue unless your relationship is a purely physical one. Enjoy your time while you can, and stay in touch when you're not.
 
R

Rainsford

Lifer
Apr 25, 2001
17,515
0
0
I'm going with the majority here. When dealing with relationships and friends, it is best to live in the moment. You never know when a conversation could be your last, or when a love could be forever. Thinking about the future can ruin the fun you can have in the moment.

But, eh, what do I know?
 
Mr.IncrediblyBored

Mr.IncrediblyBored

Lifer
Jun 18, 2000
11,123
700
126
Well aren't you the mental giant - turning down a girl you like and that likes you back. Here's a thought, and this is just my own humble opinion, mind you:

The simple fact that you are here questioning the decision leads me to believe you made the wrong one.
 
HardcoreRobot

HardcoreRobot

Lifer
Nov 7, 2000
16,404
3
81
Go go go! Enjoy it while you can. Its gonna suck to leave her no matter what. Focus on the positives and not the negatives.
 
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propellerhead

Golden Member
Apr 25, 2001
1,160
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0
Another "nope" response.

Forget the drama and go have fun with her. To this day, I still mumble to myself, "I should've banged my gf's roommate..." And that opportunity was like 10 years ago!
 
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mkchambers

Junior Member
Apr 25, 2002
15
0
0
I have a tendency to do the same thing, because I want to protect my own feelings, but I am SLOWLY learning that I should take advantage of any opportunity to indulge in the great feelings of love/happiness/etc. because these wonderful feelings are hard to come by.
Don't be afraid of missing someone more, because even emotions of loss can be a good experience. It just shows how much you care.
 
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Alphathree33

Platinum Member
Dec 1, 2000
2,419
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*screams in horror* NOooooooooooooo!!

God, I would look like such an idiot, too (by calling her back and changing my mind).

I don't have much to say now except that you guys are probably right, but that doesn't change my original concerns about going...
 
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AU Tiger

Diamond Member
Dec 26, 1999
4,280
0
76
Go! Deal with your feelings of loss when the time arrives. Don't let the thought of feeling depressed in the future keep you from enjoying life today.

I had many friends when I was a freshman that missed their girlfriend. Some made the effort to continue the relationship, some didn't. And amazingly they all survived without the one they missed.
 
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Lola

Enjoy the times you spend together. True, it might be harder to leave, but atleast you won't wonder "what if" for the rest of your life.

CARPE DIEM MAN!!!
 
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ThunderGirl

Senior member
Aug 17, 2001
606
0
0
Originally posted by: FeathersMcGraw
Making yourself miserable in the present to postpone possible misery in the future seems like a good way to make reasonably sure that you live miserably.
Click to expand...

oh I like that..good quote material.

 
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