Would you adopt a kid due to ...

[LuckyTaxi]

My fiance has an uncle who's in his mid 30s. He already has a 10 y/o boy from his first marriage who he hardly acknowledges. He was messing with this other girl who also happens to have a 10 y/o boy of her own. Well, he got her pregnant and now she's due in a couple of weeks. Something happened over the weekend and she says she's done with the loser. In my opinion he is a loser. He's the type of guy that gives the good guys a bad rep. Anyways, they're not married and his intention was to just hit it and run, but obviously it's a little tougher now.

She is now talking about giving the baby up for adoption. She states the baby means nothing to her since the dad is a loser and she can't support another child by herself. She first asked her bf's brother if he wanted to adopt her unborn son and he said yes, but that guy is worst than her bf. This man can't even take care of himself! Sooooooooooo, my fiance found out and she feels sorry for her. Now she wants to adopt the baby.

Now, I'm a softy but this is a huge decision. I briefly spoke with the bf (soon to be dad), and she said his "gf" is acting dumb. However, i dont blame her for leaving him since he's a drunk and doesnt know how to treat his gf, let alone his own son! Anyways, he said he would keep the baby, but I dont think court would let him keep the baby since he had to go to court for his first son and he lost the battle.

Long story short, I'm actually thinking about this. I've been wanting to have a baby, but didnt think I would want one now, but it hurts to see a baby going to a stranger.

 

[huesmann]

Every day babies go to strangers.

 

[eakers]

there are a lot of families out there who would not even hesitate to adopt a child, even if it meant an open adoption. it would be the best bet.

 

[LuckyTaxi]

Originally posted by: huesmann
Every day babies go to strangers.

Yea but when the baby is a relative, it's hard to accept that he/she will go to someone else outside the extended family.

 

[HomeBrewerDude]

I would consider it, but seriously, you will need some expert legal advice. Either parent could probably prevent this from happening, and either parent could come back and clain custody rights if you screw it up. Don't let that stop you, because that little baby will need a good home, but goe into this informed and prepared. That will mean $$$

 

[HardcoreRobot]

the best thing that could happen is for that kid to go to a loving family

 

[thechinesehero]

dont do it because when you raise that child and if the kid turns out to be a good one.. their parents will come back and take it away from you

 

[LuckyTaxi]

Originally posted by: HomeBrewerDude
I would consider it, but seriously, you will need some expert legal advice. Either parent could probably prevent this from happening, and either parent could come back and clain custody rights if you screw it up. Don't let that stop you, because that little baby will need a good home, but goe into this informed and prepared. That will mean $$$

Yea, i wonder what the legal cost are? I'm not taking it too seriously since I know they'll probably fight it in court. He says he wants the baby (rightfully so), but EVERYONE knows he doesnt give a crap about this kid or his first kid. I think this all stems from this past weekend when his gf's son had to have emergency surgery to remove his appendix. My fiance's uncle never went to see the kid, he decided to stay home and drink with his friends. Hmmmmm, I have no respect for him whatsoever. Yea, it's not your own kid, but dang, you can't even visit the boy?

 

[KarenMarie]

If I were gonna do that... and yes, I would seriously want to... I would make damn sure that the baby would be mine.. forever and ever and ever....

none of this.. coming back years later and fighting it out in court so they could get it back.. sh!t. I have seen that on the news more than once and the kid almost always goes back to the bio parents.

There would have to be some kind of IRON CLAD, NO GET OUT OF, UNBREAKBLE, LOOPHOLESS way to get the kid forever.

 

[LuckyTaxi]

Originally posted by: thechinesehero
dont do it because when you raise that child and if the kid turns out to be a good one.. their parents will come back and take it away from you

Or the kid turns out "dumb" then I'm screwed. But how much does genetics play into that? My parents arent smart and english is their second language. They came here when they were in their mid 30s and I turned out fine.

 

[LuckyTaxi]

Originally posted by: KarenMarie
If I were gonna do that... and yes, I would seriously want to... I would make damn sure that the baby would be mine.. forever and ever and ever....

none of this.. coming back years later and fighting it out in court so they could get it back.. sh!t. I have seen that on the news more than once and the kid almost always goes back to the bio parents.

There would have to be some kind of IRON CLAD, NO GET OUT OF, UNBREAKBLE, LOOPHOLESS way to get the kid forever.

Yea, my fiance made that know today when speaking with the woman. She actually broke down and cried as she spoke. She told me that she didnt want to give her son to someone else unless it was "family." Considering she only dated my fiance's uncle for over a year, I found that very touching that she would even consider us. Actually, my fiance's family thinks we should've had a kid by now, but we're still young. I'm 25 and she's 22. We are both working and making a living just like your average joe.

 

[HomeBrewerDude]

Originally posted by: KarenMarie
If I were gonna do that... and yes, I would seriously want to... I would make damn sure that the baby would be mine.. forever and ever and ever....

none of this.. coming back years later and fighting it out in court so they could get it back.. sh!t. I have seen that on the news more than once and the kid almost always goes back to the bio parents.

There would have to be some kind of IRON CLAD, NO GET OUT OF, UNBREAKBLE, LOOPHOLESS way to get the kid forever.

i think this is why a lot of people adopt from china, russia, central america, etc... far few loopholes and redtape. Less $$$ too.

 

[LuckyTaxi]

Originally posted by: HomeBrewerDude

Originally posted by: KarenMarie
If I were gonna do that... and yes, I would seriously want to... I would make damn sure that the baby would be mine.. forever and ever and ever....

none of this.. coming back years later and fighting it out in court so they could get it back.. sh!t. I have seen that on the news more than once and the kid almost always goes back to the bio parents.

There would have to be some kind of IRON CLAD, NO GET OUT OF, UNBREAKBLE, LOOPHOLESS way to get the kid forever.

i think this is why a lot of people adopt from china, russia, central america, etc... far few loopholes and redtape. Less $$$ too.

Is there money involve? I assume it's not as easy as a parent saying " I give full custody to ..."

 

[KarenMarie]

Originally posted by: lilcam

Originally posted by: KarenMarie
If I were gonna do that... and yes, I would seriously want to... I would make damn sure that the baby would be mine.. forever and ever and ever....

none of this.. coming back years later and fighting it out in court so they could get it back.. sh!t. I have seen that on the news more than once and the kid almost always goes back to the bio parents.

There would have to be some kind of IRON CLAD, NO GET OUT OF, UNBREAKBLE, LOOPHOLESS way to get the kid forever.

Yea, my fiance made that know today when speaking with the woman. She actually broke down and cried as she spoke. She told me that she didnt want to give her son to someone else unless it was "family." Considering she only dated my fiance's uncle for over a year, I found that very touching that she would even consider us. Actually, my fiance's family thinks we should've had a kid by now, but we're still young. I'm 25 and she's 22. We are both working and making a living just like your average joe.

Having a kid is a HUGE responsibility and a LOT of work... trust me, I know.. but the rewards are... whew...

I have considered adopting.. cause I miss VeggieFrog and and am lonely for another one.. and am too old to have one of my own... I have decided against it.. cause I dont want to have the government poking into my life forever... if they want to check me out for the next five years and dig into everything from the day i was born... fine.. but once they give me the kid i dont want them interfering ever again. I want it to be MY kid..

And again... I also fear that I will invest years into a kid that the bio parents would want back one day. I would be insane over that.

but i think it was a great suggestion above that you talk to a lawyer.. they usually have free consultations so it will cost you nothing but an afternoon.

 

[Nitemare]

I'd kick you uncle-in-laws ass until he shaped up and did the right thing....

 

[Geekbabe]

You and your gal aren't even married yet.Your lives together are just beginning, why on earth would you want to ruin your chances by bringing other people's drama so directly into your lives?

The 1st year or so of marriage is hard work, why make it harder? The young woman should consult a reputable adoption agency. Open adoption can be a great thing but this has trouble written all over it.

 

[rezinn]

If you love yourself, don't do it. Consider everything that could happen in the future. I agree with Geekbabe's post above me.

 

[Landroval]

I think adoption is wonderful. The only thing I would ask is how much baggage the "real" parents are going to be. Are they going to insist on using you as the caretakers and come over when they want to and screw up your kid's life? If so, he or she is better off getting adopted elsewhere.

 

[MagicConch]

If I was going to adopt a kid, it definitely wouldn't be a kid from within my family. That happened in my father's family several times and everytime the kid grew up resenting the situation tremendously, taking it out both on the adoptive parents and the real parents. It's very obvious talkin to them that they would have been happier going to a family outside their real parents' family.

 

[JulesMaximus]

Originally posted by: lilcam
My fiance has an uncle who's in his mid 30s. He already has a 10 y/o boy from his first marriage who he hardly acknowledges. He was messing with this other girl who also happens to have a 10 y/o boy of her own. Well, he got her pregnant and now she's due in a couple of weeks. Something happened over the weekend and she says she's done with the loser. In my opinion he is a loser. He's the type of guy that gives the good guys a bad rep. Anyways, they're not married and his intention was to just hit it and run, but obviously it's a little tougher now.

She is now talking about giving the baby up for adoption. She states the baby means nothing to her since the dad is a loser and she can't support another child by herself. She first asked her bf's brother if he wanted to adopt her unborn son and he said yes, but that guy is worst than her bf. This man can't even take care of himself! Sooooooooooo, my fiance found out and she feels sorry for her. Now she wants to adopt the baby.

Now, I'm a softy but this is a huge decision. I briefly spoke with the bf (soon to be dad), and she said his "gf" is acting dumb. However, i dont blame her for leaving him since he's a drunk and doesnt know how to treat his gf, let alone his own son! Anyways, he said he would keep the baby, but I dont think court would let him keep the baby since he had to go to court for his first son and he lost the battle.

Long story short, I'm actually thinking about this. I've been wanting to have a baby, but didnt think I would want one now, but it hurts to see a baby going to a stranger.

I think it would be better for the child if he weren't around the birth Mom and Dad. Since you are related to these people I think it would be better if she put the baby up for adoption through normal channels.