Worst Geek Resume Ever.

amnesiac

Lifer
Oct 13, 1999
15,781
1
71
If any of you remember my Resume rant from the other day, here's some text transcribed from a resume I received for a "general office" position. The duties were clearly stated in the ad.

I think this guy was hoping a machine would read this one, getting him automatically hired by the sheer number of keywords hit. You tech-heads tell me if this is BS:

-snip-


Training\Certifications
Diploma in Network Administration\Systems Engineer Training Diploma in History Certified Novell Administrator
A+ Certified Technician

Technical Skills
Hardware: Bridges, Hubs, Repeaters, 3COM, RAID 0-5 Arrays, Token-Ring\Ethernet Cabling, PrintServers, Printers, Scanners, Fax Devices, Copiers, Laptops, Handheld Devices (PDA\Skytel), Lacie (CD-RW), Macintosh OS 3-10, Compaq, HP, Dell, Toshiba, Gateway, AMD, Intel.

Operating Systems: Windows 95, 98, ME, Xp, NT Server 4.0, NT WOrkstation 4.0, Windows 2000(Professional, Server, Advanced Server), AS\400, Solaris 6.5, 7.0, 2.7, Novell 3x (bindery), 4x (bindery\NDS\NDPS), 6x, Linux (Red Hat 6.0, Mandrake, Suse, Debian).

Protocols: TCP\IP, DHCP, IPX\SPX, RIP, SMTP, Telnet, Netbeui, PPP, NWLink, DLC, SNMP, Netbios

Connectivity: Ethernet STP\UTP\FiberOptic (10base2, 10 base T(X)), Fast Ethernet (10baseT\100baseX), TOken-Ring (4,10,16), ISDN, Frame Relay, X.25, X400, ATM, T1, T3, DSL, Cable, Wireless.

/* Here's where it gets funny */

Administrative Tools: Terminal Services, Telnet, Ping, Trace, Route, Tracert, Ipconfig, Ghost, Network Monitor, Performance Monitor.

-snip-


Ooh, he can use PING! We need a talented individual who can use PING!!
rolleye.gif


And the kicker? His work experience (which I won't list) ranges from SHIPPING CLERK to RETAIL to Customer service for a TOW TRUCK company. WTF?
 

nihil

Golden Member
Feb 13, 2002
1,479
0
0
sounds pretty ghetto to me. do an interview if you want to further humor yourself. ;)
 

amnesiac

Lifer
Oct 13, 1999
15,781
1
71
This one is almost as bad as the applicant who spent 7 years working at the ZOO, taking care of animals. :p
 

mrCide

Diamond Member
Nov 27, 1999
6,187
0
76
you shouldn't knock on people just trying to get a job, it's a hell of a lot more than some others are doing.
 

911paramedic

Diamond Member
Jan 7, 2002
9,450
1
76
He can use hubs and ping!!!

Hubs, bwaaaahahahahaha, its a hub, are you kidding me with that? Bwaaaaahahahaha!
 

AndyHui

Administrator Emeritus<br>Elite Member<br>AT FAQ M
Oct 9, 1999
13,140
6
81
Heh...looks like the meta-data crap people hide in their webpages to make search engines come up with them.
 

Yossarian

Lifer
Dec 26, 2000
18,010
1
81
It's a good thing he listed "copiers" on there, you wouldn't want to hire someone without such hard-to-find knowledge.
 

joohang

Lifer
Oct 22, 2000
12,340
1
0
I normally would tell you to at least conduct an interview, but that just sounds far too fake.
 

Magicthyse

Golden Member
Aug 15, 2001
1,095
0
0
I did once get a guy applying for a position as a JD Edwards Analyst because he wanted to "learn about computers and make decent money while doing it"...
 

AndyHui

Administrator Emeritus<br>Elite Member<br>AT FAQ M
Oct 9, 1999
13,140
6
81
Well, I wouldn't hire him. He doesn't know DOS.
 

pac1085

Diamond Member
Jun 27, 2000
3,456
0
76
Lacie (CD-RW), Macintosh OS 3-10, Compaq, HP, Dell, Toshiba, Gateway, AMD, Intel.

Yeah ok buddy your really gonna get a job with those. Give me a break, even my 85 yr old grandma knows how to use her compaq computer and cd-rw's.
 

XMan

Lifer
Oct 9, 1999
12,513
49
91
It's a good thing he listed "copiers" on there, you wouldn't want to hire someone without such hard-to-find knowledge.

Don't laugh. I've had customers who tried to get out of their lease agreements by saying that the copier was too complicated.
 

manly

Lifer
Jan 25, 2000
10,913
2,061
126
Sounds like the average MCSE to me. :D

Seriously though, a lot of people aren't familiar with ping or basic TCP/IP in general. They think they hook up their NICs to a hub, and file sharing is supposed to magically work. If it doesn't, they don't know where to look first.
 

joohang

Lifer
Oct 22, 2000
12,340
1
0
Originally posted by: manly
Sounds like the average MCSE to me. :D

Seriously though, a lot of people aren't familiar with ping or basic TCP/IP in general. They think they hook up their NICs to a hub, and file sharing is supposed to magically work. If it doesn't, they don't know where to look first.

I used to think that way. Back when I was 14. :D
 

HamSupLo

Diamond Member
Aug 18, 2001
4,021
0
0
it sucks to be out of a job. don't worry, someone out there will be laughing at your resume.
 

SuperTool

Lifer
Jan 25, 2000
14,000
2
0
Heh. A guy at college had a resume with big letters on top saying not his name, not his address, not his phone number, but guess what?
"RESUME" :)
 

GermyBoy

Banned
Jun 5, 2001
3,524
0
0
How is it the worst ever? I could make one up that is worse in like 2 minutes.

You shouldn't knock people though because of their resumes. Sometimes I've hired people to be mean to them, because they had bad resumes. They were some of the brightest people I've ever dealt with (and I've dealth w/people with perfect resumes). I'd help them out when it was time for them to go back to school, move, etc. and we'd fix up their resume.

Maybe you should take a chance. If you don't like him, fire him the day before his probation is over.

Peace,
GermyBoy
 

bandXtrb

Banned
May 27, 2001
2,169
0
0
My hardware skills:

computer, computers, systems, monitors, screens, keyboards, mouse, mouses, mice, CDs, discs, compact discs, bios, flash rom, ram, random rom, windows, microsoft, floppy disk, soft power, reset, speaker, pentium athlon, amd coppermine, West digital, maxster, cases, boxes, axt, chips, computer chips, PC-Chips, fan, heatsink, video, BIOS, copmact flash, simms, The Sims, dimms, Doom, Quake, Unreal Tournament, counterstrike.
 

amnesiac

Lifer
Oct 13, 1999
15,781
1
71
Originally posted by: GermyBoy
How is it the worst ever? I could make one up that is worse in like 2 minutes.

You shouldn't knock people though because of their resumes. Sometimes I've hired people to be mean to them, because they had bad resumes. They were some of the brightest people I've ever dealt with (and I've dealth w/people with perfect resumes). I'd help them out when it was time for them to go back to school, move, etc. and we'd fix up their resume.

Maybe you should take a chance. If you don't like him, fire him the day before his probation is over.

Peace,
GermyBoy

Let me put it gently: YOU DON'T SEND THIS KIND OF RESUME TO AN OPENING FOR "GENERAL OFFICE WORK
Yeah, if this was a tech support or netadmin job or something fine, but you don't go sending technobabble to an office with 2 computers.
I mean, I wouldn't apply to a financial consultant position with a resume listing my culinary achievements.
It's common sense to tailor your resume to the type of position you're applying to. For chrissakes, the dude didn't list ANY qualifications which would make him remotely acceptable for the job. Look, he didn't even put down MS Office. If he'd had the foresight to do that, I might have not bashed on it so hard. But it's still dumb.