worried about my brother....

[otispunkmeyer]

he's abit of an arrogant git, wont accept help, even when he needs it and is 100% certain he knows best.

i have no idea why he's like this

so far in his first year of college (thats upper HS to you i think? he's only 17) the highest grade he has is a C in politics, D in maths, U in statistics.

those, IMHO arent very good results, considering he's a very capable lad - he's much better than me at mental arithmatic for instance.

i have offered to help him with maths and stats, and even physics (hasnt taken an exam for that yet, but i think he's fine in it) but he maintains he hasnt acted on it.

he's also decided that he wont be going to Uni either. this made no sense to me untill i discovered his girlfriend (who is a year older) also wont be going to university either. i might be jumping to conclusions here but i have a feeling he is basing his decisions off what his GF is doing.

he chose further maths (which is actually quite hard to do, and people normally only choose to do it if they are really good at maths, in my experience...only those exceptionally good at maths do well in it) because his previous GF chose to do it. now hes chosing not to aim for university because his current GF isnt either.

now its maybe not so much of a bad thing if he really doesnt want to go to University, but me n my mum think it would be at least a good idea if he left college with good grades that would enable him to go to university should he change his mind. at the moment most uni's wouldnt think twice about throwing his application in the bin.

i have told him, that if he wants the best chances in life, university is a good way to go. i think you'll get alot more out of life, and get further in the world of work with a respectable degree, but he seems to think thats BS. short of him being some kind of one off entrepreneur with a amazing idea, i think he's setting himself up for a fall.

at the moment, he spends pretty much all his spare time with his gf, just doing nothing....no home work, not studying, nothing. i believe he's wasting himself.

my mums worrried, im worried....we dont want to see him fail because of his "he knows best" arrogant attitude. he's making his choices based on his GF and even if being with her forever makes him happy regardless, you cant deny that a solid job and good pay are beneficial in todays world.

cliffs.

*brother is arrogant, know it all who is only 17 and yet to experience the real world
*bases many big choices/decisions on what his GF is doing
*has decided not to aim for uni, *probably* becuase his GF isnt going to uni either (he wont admit this tho)
*spends every minute of spare time with GF, neglects studies and homework
*college results are disappointing at best for someone with such potential
*my mother is worried that he'll end up married early, with a dead end or hard to progress in job, living in a council house in this ****** hole called Middlesbrough
* we dont want to see him fail


what should i do? i wanna show him that at least having a good oppertunity to get into a good uni is worth having, even if he doesnt want to go, at least he's got the option should things not turn out as he would like in his magical ideal world. University is honestly the best time of mylife to date, so im thinking of bringing him down sometime to sample the student life. if he doesnt like it, fair enough, at least he tried and has something from which to base his decisions.

basically deciding his future because of the girl he's with at the time is incredibly idiotic IMO.

 

[pulse8]

At that age, I think you need to let him make his own mistakes. He's either going to fail or straighten up and fly right.

I'm not sure there's much you can do other than to just help him if he eventually asks for it.

 

[Modular]

Best thing to do is get him away from that GF and spending time with you. She's obviously having a negative influence. Show him life at the university. He will follow..

I disagree with leaving him alone. Sometimes people need guidance rather than aimlessly floating around. I would say that at his age, he is unable to discern the realities of his decisions, as a result, he needs you as a guide. Do what you know is right.

 

[nageov3t]

he's a teenager... not much else needs to be said.

I knew everything there was to know when I was a teenager and forgot it all the moment I grew up

 

[imported_cheapdude]

Beat him into submission, violence can solve all family problems.

 

[George P Burdell]

Leave him be.

 

[Lemodular]

He's young and foolish; most of us were. He is making a mistake but there is a fine line between guidance and demanding and that's interpreted only by him. He may resist and revolt against your guidance and slips further into his ways. I would try to show him the good things in life especially if he casre for his gf. Tell him that if he wants a good life hr him and his gf, he needs to be able to support them both. We all know that there is a 99% chance that he will not stay with this one for life, but as long as you can convince him that the way to a better life for them both would be through school.

disclaimer, I am not a psychiatrist, I just play one onTV

 

[otispunkmeyer]

cheers guys

im on a placement now so im actually at home with him most of the time. my new house back at uni is getting sorted soon so i think ill bring him down for a week to see what university is actually like. hes in 1st year of college right now (gf is in 2nd and final year) so he does have about 1 year to change his mind about university before he has to get the UCAS forms off for application. his GF was rather disinterested until it was a little too late, sent the UCAS application off late and for some reason expected something other than being rejected.

i think, the college he goes to now is quite, i dunno, cautious/watchful with their students...they check up on them 24/7. i mean really thats good an bad....its good because it gets them to turn up for all classes, and turn up on time, but at the same time it's not giving them that extra bit of freedom you'd normally associate with being a young adult.

i think once he realises university just isnt like that, he may warm to the idea. its definately worth going to uni...its the best years of your life and you end up being more employable at the end of it (as long as basket weaving and Jamaican studies isnt your degree)

im gonna help him with maths and stats, possibly if he likes it or not. he'll soon realise that, actually im not that bad of a resource afterall.

 

[secretanchitman]

i was born in Middlesbrough!!! lol anyways...

just help out your bro and tell him that while you may want to pursue your gf, he needs to do something good to himself.

 

[IGBT]

Originally posted by: pulse8
At that age, I think you need to let him make his own mistakes. He's either going to fail or straighten up and fly right.

I'm not sure there's much you can do other than to just help him if he eventually asks for it.

..:thumbsup: experience is a teacher and a punisher. lets see if he learns from mistakes.

 

[otispunkmeyer]

Originally posted by: secretanchitman
i was born in Middlesbrough!!! lol anyways...

just help out your bro and tell him that while you may want to pursue your gf, he needs to do something good to himself.

middlesbrough UK?

 

[otispunkmeyer]

Originally posted by: IGBT

Originally posted by: pulse8
At that age, I think you need to let him make his own mistakes. He's either going to fail or straighten up and fly right.

I'm not sure there's much you can do other than to just help him if he eventually asks for it.

..:thumbsup: experience is a teacher and a punisher. lets see if he learns from mistakes.

i hope he will, but he is very very reluctant to admit when things are going wrong and just carriers on regardless to save face. he will come round at some point, but usually thats when somethings gone catastrophically wrong.

now that was fine when he was younger, but as you ebb toward the real world, big mistakes carry a hell of a lot more weight, and not just to the present and immediate future....but sometimes the long term future too.

 

[Modular]

Originally posted by: IGBT

..:thumbsup: experience is a teacher and a punisher. lets see if he learns from mistakes.

Mistakes like not going to university or college (depending on your liking) are not ones you can really "learn from" until it's too late.

Going to college in the US nets an adult an average of $1 million dollars more over a 50 year work period than someone who doesn't.

In Chicago, that translates to more like 2-4 million lifetime. That's not a mistake you can make up for.

 

[meltdown75]

live & learn

as a brother myself i know how you feel but you can't always be there holding his hand and guiding him along. sooner or later he will have to make his own decisions. the sooner the better IMO.

 

[Alone]

Is he happy?

 

[MmmSkyscraper]

Originally posted by: cheapdude
Beat him into submission, violence can solve all family problems.

WWYBYWB?

20 PPD too.

 

[dullard]

Originally posted by: otispunkmeyer
he's abit of an arrogant git, wont accept help, even when he needs it and is 100% certain he knows best.
...
what should i do? i wanna show him that at least having a good oppertunity to get into a good uni is worth having, even if he doesnt want to go, at least he's got the option should things not turn out as he would like in his magical ideal world. University is honestly the best time of mylife to date, so im thinking of bringing him down sometime to sample the student life. if he doesnt like it, fair enough, at least he tried and has something from which to base his decisions.

Pot, I have a black kettle that I would like you to meet.

By that, I want to say you BOTH appear to believe you know with 100% certainty what is right even though neither of you are looking at the big picture. His is ignoring his future while focussing on his present. You are ignoring the fact that most people do quite well (most don't even have a university degree) and that most people need to find thier own path which includes happiness (GF) along the way. Not all people are suited for the university path in life, even if they have potential.

What should you do? You should live your life and let your brother live his. Nagging won't work. There is a concept called spite that I think you need to learn about. A successful sibling nagging a less successful sibling what to do will in almost all cases lead to spite. Your sibling will do exactly the opposite of what you say. The more you nag, the more he'll do the exact opposite of what you want. The more you nag, the more he'll go to his GF and do what she says and wants.

That said, I pretty much agree with your intentions. He probably is underachieving and he probably would be better off with a university degree. But you are going about it the wrong way. Don't tell him to focus on studies. Don't force him into a university path that he doesn't want. Instead, show him the proper path through you living your life the proper way. Show him that the university is the best time in your life. Bring him to the fun events. Show him the hot girls, the stimulating learning aspects, the free life that you have. Show him all that he is giving up. Show him how entertaining it is to be a univeristy student. Show him WITHOUT lecturing him about his life. Then get out of the way. Let him decide on his own to attend the university.

If he still doesn't attend, he'll still be just fine. At least you'll have a brother who finds you fun and wants to hang out with his sibling.