Thanks to everyone for the info. I tried "last good configuration".... no good, because the problem was in the registry and not in the drivers. I tried repairing from the install CD... couldn't find any registry tools in repair menu. I wasn't able to restore from my registry backup because Windows only lets you restore on the currently-running copy on Windows... and if my original system was still bootable, I wouldn't need to restore its registry. Anyway, I don't think that would have helped. If the registry-restore function is anything like the "Backup" system management tool, it overwrites backed-up data but doesn't remove newly-added stuff. Frankly, it seems like backing up your registry is a fool's errand... the only time you'll need the backup is when you can't get to it.
So anyway. I looked through MS's knowledge base, and found a good article about
how to recover from a corrupted registry that prevents XP from booting. It even made sense after I read it about a dozen times

.
Unfortunately, after I removed my corrupt registry and replaced it with a previous good one, XP refused to let me into my system. It couldn't find its activation info anymore, and wouldn't let me into the system so I could update it. It would show me a tantalizing split-second glimpse of my desktop, then revert back to the blue login screen. So I went back to the knowledge base for some more research, but I couldn't find any information about bypassing the product activation (go figure). My computer and I reached a standoff, with me waving my fully-licensed XP disk at the monitor and screaming obscenities while my computer politely waited for my login information so it could tease me with another glimpse of my desktop. I finally gave up, copied my files onto another drive, and reinstalled everything from scratch.
Oh, and this gets even better.... wanna guess why I was futzing around in my registry in the first place? I was trying to work around another XP bug that slows my blazingly-fast 15k SCSI drive down to a 5 Mb/s trickle (which made reinstalling XP take FOREVER.... but I've had just about all the irony that I can handle for today, thanks)
So, boys and girls..... the moral of this story is: don't bother trying to get good performance out of your Windows PC..... just shrug your shoulders, cast your eyes downward, and ask Microsoft "Thank you for the abuse, may I please have some more??"
New question..... would anyone care to donate a recent copy of Linux CD's and a hardware modem to a good cause?