Why We Love Children

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johnjohn320

johnjohn320

Diamond Member
Jan 9, 2001
7,572
2
76
Sorry if it's a repost, just got these emailed to me, made me smile. :) I especially like the last one.

______________________________________________________

> >> > WHY WE LOVE CHILDREN
> >> > A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd
> found a cat.
> >> > She asked him if it was dead or alive. "Dead."
> She was informed. "How do
> >
> >> > you
> >> > know?" she asked her pupil.
> >> > "Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't
> move," answered the child
> >> > innocently. "You did WHAT?!?" the teacher
> exclaimed in surprise. "You
> >> > know,"
> >> > explained the boy, "I leaned over and went
> 'Pssst!' and it didn't move."
> >
> >> > ______________________________________________
> >> > A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five
> minutes later....
> >> > "Da-ad...." "What? "I'm thirsty. Can you bring
> drink of water?"
> >> > "No. You had your chance. Lights out."
> >> > Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....." "WHAT?"
> "I'm THIRSTY.
> >> > Can I have a drink of water??" "I told you NO!"
> If you ask again, I'll
> >> > have
> >> > to spank you!!"
> >> > Five minutes later......"Daaaa-aaaad....."
> "WHAT!" "When you come in to
> >> > spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"
> >> >
> ________________________________________________
> >> > An exasperated mother, whose son was always
> getting into mischief,
> >finally
> >> > asked him, "How do you expect to get into
> Heaven?"
> >> > The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll
> run in and out and in and
> >> > out
> >> > and keep slamming the door until St. Peter
> says, 'For Heaven's sake,
> >> > Dylan,
> >> > come in or stay out!'"
> >> >
> _________________________________________________
> >> >
> >> > One summer evening during a violent
> thunderstorm a mother was tucking
> >her
> >> > son into bed. She was about to turn off the
> light when he asked with a
> >> > tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep
> with me tonight?" The mother
> >
> >> > smiled and gave him a reassuring hug.
> >> > "I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in
> Daddy's room."
> >> > A long silence was broken at last by his shaky
> little voice: "The big
> >> > sissy."
> >> >
> _________________________________________________
> >> >
> >> > When I was six months pregnant with my third
> child, my three year old
> >came
> >> > into the room when I was just getting ready to
> get into the shower. She
> >> > said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!" I replied,
> "Yes, honey, remember
> >Mommy
> >> > has a baby growing in her tummy" "I know," she
> replied, but what's
> >growing
> >> > in your butt?"
> >> >
> >> >
> _________________________________________________
> >> >
> >> > A little boy was doing his math homework. He
> said to himself, "Two plus
> >> > five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus
> six, that son of a bitch
> >is
> >> > nine...." His mother heard what he was saying
> and gasped, "What are you
> >> > doing?" The little boy answered, "I'm doing my
> math homework, Mom." "And
> >
> >> > this is how your teacher taught you to do it?"
> the mother asked. "Yes,"
> >he
> >> > answered.
> >> > Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the
> next day, "What are you
> >> > teaching my son in math?" The teacher replied,
> "Right now, we are
> >learning
> >> > addition. " The mother asked, "And are you
> teaching them to say two plus
> >
> >> > two, that son of a bitch is four?"
> >> > After the teacher stopped laughing, she
> answered, "What I taught them
> >was,
> >> > two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."
> >> >
> _________________________________________________
> >> >
> >> > One day the first grade teacher was reading the
> story of Chicken Little
> >to
> >> > her class. She came to the part of the story
> where Chicken Little tried
> >to
> >> > warn the farmer. She read, "....and so Chicken
> Little went up to the
> >> > farmer
> >> > and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is
> falling!"
> >> > The teacher paused then asked the class, "And
> what do you think the
> >farmer
> >> > said?" One little girl raised her hand and
> said, "I think he said: 'Holy
> >
> >> > Sh1t! A talking chicken!'"
> >> > The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10
>
> >> > minutes
> >> >
> >> >
> __________________________________________________

 
johnjohn320

johnjohn320

Diamond Member
Jan 9, 2001
7,572
2
76
Originally posted by: MacBaine
I have a feeling that most, if not all, of these lists are not really from children.
Click to expand...

Maybe not directly, but you know this has to have happened somewhere at some point. Kids say the darndest things.

Quote

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why We Love Children
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



I think you're painting with too broad of a brush.

amish
Click to expand...

Just copying the title of the email that was sent to me.
 
Squisher

Squisher

Lifer
Aug 17, 2000
21,204
66
91
They make them cute to keep us from killing them.

<---one 16 yr. old child without a door(no slamming anymore!) and a 18 yr. old who lives in a pocket of squalor she calls her room.
 
N

NTB

Diamond Member
Mar 26, 2001
5,179
0
0
Oh, that was funny. Thanks for the laugh. Here's another one for you:

Summer was over, and it was time for the first day of school. The teacher sat at her desk, looking over the room full of gradeschoolers that she would be with for the next nine months, and decided find out a little bit about the students by asking them what they'd done over the summer. The question was asked, the hands went up, and she picked one little boy out of the crowd:

"My family took a trip on a choo-choo," he replied.

"Sounds like fun," she said, and she politely corrected him - "But we don't say choo-choo anymore, we say train." Then she chose another student:

"I learned to ride a horsey", he said. After letting the class's exicited talk die down, she made another polite correction: "it's horse," she said, "not horsey". then she picked a third student. "What did you do?" she asked.

"Oh," he said, "Not much. I read Winney the Sh!t".

:D:p

Sorry, I'm doing this from memory. I probably butchered it.

Nate
 
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