Why the immense pressure to have children?

[Demon-Xanth]

Originally posted by: eleison
IMHO, having kids when you are younger is the best route. That way if one kid turns out bad e.g., crackwhore, potheadd or sluttt, you still get another chance to make another one.

However, if you ultimately decided that you wanted kids after waiting for a while, there is a higher risk of not being able to conceive because of age. Also, if you are able to conceive, you might be only able to conceive just once.. which would kinda suck if the kid turns out to be the for mentioned crackwore, potheadd or sluttt..etc...

heh, I got a cousin who hasn't hit high school yet and his dad's a retired cop. Poor kids aren't going to get away with ANYTHING.

 

[ShockwaveVT]

the simple reason for the pressure to have kids is that we're genetically programmed to reproduce and continue the species. its the natural thing to do.

All the social pressures pretty much stem from these biological imperatives. Granted, selfish folks who don't want to have kids (i.e. don't want to dedicate any of their precious time and energy to sustaining our species) are probably poor candidates to contribute to the long term gene pool, so it comes down to indirect Darwinism.

 

[RollWave]

Well its better to have kids then to not, wait too long, and not have the opportunity? I dont know really, just trying to think of what those pressuring friends/relatives would think.

 

[Svnla]

Just tell the darm brownnose busybodies to mind their own business. I get pressure/questions from family members, friends, and others of when I will settle down, get married, and have a few kids.

<<--------will get married and start a new family when it is the right time with the right person.

 

[Chaotic42]

Originally posted by: ShockwaveVT
the simple reason for the pressure to have kids is that we're genetically programmed to reproduce and continue the species. its the natural thing to do.

All the social pressures pretty much stem from these biological imperatives. Granted, selfish folks who don't want to have kids (i.e. don't want to dedicate any of their precious time and energy to sustaining our species) are probably poor candidates to contribute to the long term gene pool, so it comes down to indirect Darwinism.

Have you ever seen some of the people who do have kids? The non-breeders couldn't be that much worse.

 

[Jeff7]

Originally posted by: ShockwaveVT
the simple reason for the pressure to have kids is that we're genetically programmed to reproduce and continue the species. its the natural thing to do.

All the social pressures pretty much stem from these biological imperatives. Granted, selfish folks who don't want to have kids (i.e. don't want to dedicate any of their precious time and energy to sustaining our species) are probably poor candidates to contribute to the long term gene pool, so it comes down to indirect Darwinism.

Without some of us helping to keep the population down, Darwinism would soon slam us all pretty hard (as it stands to already), by killing off the results of centuries of prolific breeding by way of resource depletion.

 

[Mxylplyx]

For those that havent had kids that knock it, you cant understand the shear joy you get from the experience. I'll bet most couples come to regret the decision not to have kids when they are old.

 

[Chaotic42]

Originally posted by: Mxylplyx
For those that havent had kids that knock it, you cant understand the shear joy you get from the experience. I'll bet most couples come to regret the decision not to have kids when they are old.

Every couple that I've talked to that hasn't had kids has said they don't regret it at all.

 

[Fritzo]

I think having children is pretty much the meaning of our existance. It's one of those things that a lot of people don't want (because of all the responsibility), but if they accidentally have one they'll say it's the most rewarding thing they've ever done.

I think the problem here is that people that don't wish to have kids are often viewed and selfish and self-centered. They're so focused on themselves that they do not have any resources left to give to anyone else. This isn't my opinion, it's just a theory.

 

[waggy]

I never understood why people get so worked up over who wants or does not want kids.

My wife and I got married at 24 (been dateing since i was 18 off and on). we did not have kids until i was 28 BUT i wanted kids kids. We just decided to wait until we were older and more mature.
while it did cut into my "toys" its great. I LOVE being a father.

But if you do not want kids great (i know 2 couples that do not want kids) then do not have any. either way the poeple being rude to both sets are idiots.

 

[hanoverphist]

Originally posted by: 40Hands
Yep, you're supposed to get married and then your are to have kids. STOP QUESTIONING THE SYSTEM!



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lmN3MsQQohA

heh when my mom told her friends that knew me that we were having our first kid they all said "oh, great! when are they gonna get married?" the ironic part was we were married for almost 3 years before our first kid. she wasnt planned either, and she never drank one drop of WIC milk or formula. the state has never paid me a dime for support and ive never been a burden on anyone but myself. i have 3 kids that werent planned, but they are very much loved and very taken care of. you dont have to make an agenda or a plan to have kids to do it intelligently.

 

[AndrewR]

Originally posted by: moshquerade

Originally posted by: Nightfall

Originally posted by: thepd7
I respect people who decide not to have kids more than those who end up having accidents. My roomate from a few years back decided he never wanted kids and siad he was going to get a vasectomy at 18. I don't know if he did or not but it wouldn't suprise me.

People who are smart enough to recognize that they don't want kids and don't have them are great, just like the people who love kids, prepare for having them and then do it.

It's the people who don't have a clue and then end up having kids that are the idiots and should be asked all the time "when are you going to stop having kids?"

Personally I want 4 kids though. Props to you and your wife for being responsible and that is awesome that you told someone you were sterile. LOL.

The whole sterile thing was a trip. I really made her feel badly because I told her we were trying and trying and it just wasn't working. Then, I went to the doctor and found out I was 100% sterile due to my testicles not able to maintain a good temperature. She was put on the spot and just couldn't recover. She felt so bad asking and that was my intention.

I have to agree with you there. There are people that plan for the future, and those are the ones that are the most responsible. The ones that don't have any plan that have them are the worst. I know a couple that had a daughter and wanted one. However, they had no plan for what to do afterwards. She is 6 years old now, and they argue over who is going to watch her from one night to the next. By the time she gets to be 12, she is going to have a complex like she is a pain in the ass to watch over. Thats not the way a child should be raised.

Aww, that was just mean to go into details that much and make her feel even more like crap for asking. Saying you were sterile was enough detail to shut her up.

Btw, you seem to know a bit about male infertility... makes me wonder....

What worse than being asked why you haven't had kids and having to cover when in fact you'd like to have kids and can't. That must be worse.

Yes, that's bad, but it's worse when you lose a baby and are told (because you have an adopted child) that SO many people get pregnant after adopting so it'll just happen. Yeah, it did, and now he's buried in a cemetery so STFU and mind your own business.

We've learned that you just don't ask because there are so many potential issues, some of them very painful, that it's just not something you do. It's tantamount to asking someone how their sex life is going, when you think about it.

 

[JackBurton]

I always look at people with kids like people that fvcked up their lives. I feel like I'm in the special club because I DON'T have kids and don't want them. When someone starts complaining about their kid doing this or doing that, or they don't have enough money to do this or that. I just go, "man that sucks. Hey me and my wife just decided to go out of town at the spur of the moment. See ya. Have fun with your kid" Did I say I LOVE not having kids?

 

[moshquerade]

Originally posted by: AndrewR

Originally posted by: moshquerade

Originally posted by: Nightfall

Originally posted by: thepd7
I respect people who decide not to have kids more than those who end up having accidents. My roomate from a few years back decided he never wanted kids and siad he was going to get a vasectomy at 18. I don't know if he did or not but it wouldn't suprise me.

People who are smart enough to recognize that they don't want kids and don't have them are great, just like the people who love kids, prepare for having them and then do it.

It's the people who don't have a clue and then end up having kids that are the idiots and should be asked all the time "when are you going to stop having kids?"

Personally I want 4 kids though. Props to you and your wife for being responsible and that is awesome that you told someone you were sterile. LOL.

The whole sterile thing was a trip. I really made her feel badly because I told her we were trying and trying and it just wasn't working. Then, I went to the doctor and found out I was 100% sterile due to my testicles not able to maintain a good temperature. She was put on the spot and just couldn't recover. She felt so bad asking and that was my intention.

I have to agree with you there. There are people that plan for the future, and those are the ones that are the most responsible. The ones that don't have any plan that have them are the worst. I know a couple that had a daughter and wanted one. However, they had no plan for what to do afterwards. She is 6 years old now, and they argue over who is going to watch her from one night to the next. By the time she gets to be 12, she is going to have a complex like she is a pain in the ass to watch over. Thats not the way a child should be raised.

Aww, that was just mean to go into details that much and make her feel even more like crap for asking. Saying you were sterile was enough detail to shut her up.

Btw, you seem to know a bit about male infertility... makes me wonder....

What worse than being asked why you haven't had kids and having to cover when in fact you'd like to have kids and can't. That must be worse.

Yes, that's bad, but it's worse when you lose a baby and are told (because you have an adopted child) that SO many people get pregnant after adopting so it'll just happen. Yeah, it did, and now he's buried in a cemetery so STFU and mind your own business.

We've learned that you just don't ask because there are so many potential issues, some of them very painful, that it's just not something you do. It's tantamount to asking someone how their sex life is going, when you think about it.

that's awful.
my boss and his wife adopted and then she got pregnant 3 months later. i've heard that happens, too, and it seems it really does. sorry that your baby didn't make it.

i know you're hurting and so you lash out, but those people you want to STFU just want good things for you.

i do agree though, people shouldn't ask. they should wait for others to tell them what is going on if they so wish. in a perfect world i suppose that is the way it would work.

 

[Oceandevi]

We have to reproduce to keep the species alive. I chose to have children in hopes that I can help bring some good people into the future.

Saying that the "smart" people chose not to have kids while the "idiots" breed like rabbits is not correct. Many cultures value large families.

However, many of ATOT's men seem to have trouble keeping a relationship going, maybe low sperm count is to blame?

 

[0roo0roo]

because there is a time limit on the option. many women think they can put it off because they see famous celebrities concieving at older ages,but they don't realize it costs thousands in fertility treatments and many actually have to resort to doner eggs. you might not want kids now, but you may come to regret that decision. the ugly fact that many feminists tried to minimize is that fertility rapidly drops with age. its easier for the man since you can ditch the chick for a newer model if required, but she can be doomed.

and of course its important. you and every breathing person on earth are only here because an unbroken line of individuals managed to pass their genes onto the next generation. yes unbroken for time longer than one can easily imagine. sure you can choose genetic suicide if you want.

" Have you ever seen some of the people who do have kids? The non-breeders couldn't be that much worse. "

well actually they are worse they pass on nothing and thats about as bad as it gets.

"
Look at the population growth for the US. We are actually at a negative(not counting immigration). If a family has two kids then it's a zero sum game. You and your spouse die, your kids replace you. Net growth of zero.
"

actually you need slightly higher than 2 for zero sum game, there are natural losses...accidents or desease and such you have to compensate for.

 

[AndrewR]

Originally posted by: moshquerade

Originally posted by: AndrewR

Originally posted by: moshquerade

Originally posted by: Nightfall

Originally posted by: thepd7
I respect people who decide not to have kids more than those who end up having accidents. My roomate from a few years back decided he never wanted kids and siad he was going to get a vasectomy at 18. I don't know if he did or not but it wouldn't suprise me.

People who are smart enough to recognize that they don't want kids and don't have them are great, just like the people who love kids, prepare for having them and then do it.

It's the people who don't have a clue and then end up having kids that are the idiots and should be asked all the time "when are you going to stop having kids?"

Personally I want 4 kids though. Props to you and your wife for being responsible and that is awesome that you told someone you were sterile. LOL.

The whole sterile thing was a trip. I really made her feel badly because I told her we were trying and trying and it just wasn't working. Then, I went to the doctor and found out I was 100% sterile due to my testicles not able to maintain a good temperature. She was put on the spot and just couldn't recover. She felt so bad asking and that was my intention.

I have to agree with you there. There are people that plan for the future, and those are the ones that are the most responsible. The ones that don't have any plan that have them are the worst. I know a couple that had a daughter and wanted one. However, they had no plan for what to do afterwards. She is 6 years old now, and they argue over who is going to watch her from one night to the next. By the time she gets to be 12, she is going to have a complex like she is a pain in the ass to watch over. Thats not the way a child should be raised.

Aww, that was just mean to go into details that much and make her feel even more like crap for asking. Saying you were sterile was enough detail to shut her up.

Btw, you seem to know a bit about male infertility... makes me wonder....

What worse than being asked why you haven't had kids and having to cover when in fact you'd like to have kids and can't. That must be worse.

Yes, that's bad, but it's worse when you lose a baby and are told (because you have an adopted child) that SO many people get pregnant after adopting so it'll just happen. Yeah, it did, and now he's buried in a cemetery so STFU and mind your own business.

We've learned that you just don't ask because there are so many potential issues, some of them very painful, that it's just not something you do. It's tantamount to asking someone how their sex life is going, when you think about it.

that's awful.
my boss and his wife adopted and then she got pregnant 3 months later. i've heard that happens, too, and it seems it really does. sorry that your baby didn't make it.

i know you're hurting and so you lash out, but those people you want to STFU just want good things for you.

i do agree though, people shouldn't ask. they should wait for others to tell them what is going on if they so wish. in a perfect world i suppose that is the way it would work.

It's not me that is hurt that much by their comments but my wife. With the OP, it's similar. People might want "good things", but they need to understand that not everyone is in the same situation.

One of my former coworkers, who is Mormon, does not have any kids even though he and his wife are approaching 30 and have been married for awhile (which is very rare for Mormons, if you don't have any experience with them). I never asked, but my wife and I assumed they might have some fertility problems. Given the emphasis on procreation among LDS, if we're correct, it's a significant source of shame for them.

Well, a loudmouth in the office asked him pointblank when they're having kids. When he demurred on an answer, she proceeded to say that it's fantastic and that they should have kids right away. If our assessment of their situation is accurate, and I have a strong feeling it is, that little exchange was probably a lot more painful for them than that loudmouth imagined. I know from personal experience on that account.

Personal issues should stay personal.