I've had two Android phones - Captivate and Epic 4G, and I've had to use the stock roms on both of them. Then I use their community ROMS (Serendipity for Captivate and Syndicate Frozen Rom for Epic 4G) and they absolutely run rings around the stock ROMs in terms of snappiness. And they don't have an entire page an impossible to uninstall programs you have to scroll past like SPRINT NASCAR.
How is it that the stock ROMs suck so much?
I also have a first gen iPad and feel no need to install a custom ROM on it. Pretty snappy out of the box.
Because as stated, custom ROMs include a lot of tweaks that manufacturers themselves don't bother to put in, and on top of that, the service provider installs even more in. On some Android phones in the same family (Galaxy S), their ROMs are so similar that they are interchangeable, and only minimal tweaks have to be done for one phone's ROM to run on another. For instance, the Captivate can run Vibrant's ROMs just fine.
On the iPad, or iOS in general, the stock firmware of each device is specifically tailored for it. You can't just install an iPhone firmware onto an iPod Touch and expect it to work, and service providers can't modify it further. So out of the box, the iPad has already received the best optimizations that its makers could think of at the time.
Another thing is that some Android custom ROMs come with kernels that change hardware timings around, or even overclock the device slightly, even if the maximum clock remains the same.