Why is being social considered so good?

[Juked07]

I think I enjoy being social less than the average person does, and assuming any reasonable distribution, about half the people in the world are probably in the same boat. I have a small number of people I consider (close) friends, and I enjoy spending time with them. I have a large number of acquaintances (much like anyone else..), but I don't really like hanging out with them. I don't know them well, and small talk is a chore and it's not very interesting.

Most of the time, I think that trying to get to know people I don't know well or hanging out with people I don't know well is less pleasant than just doing something on my own. I like going for a run or a bike ride or playing some SC2 or working on a song or just chilling with a beer and watching some TV. I like these things more, frequently, than I would enjoy being with people. Actually, I don't like most people. I think I like maybe 10-20% of the people I meet, and that's not a problem at all, because there are a ton of people out there.

I don't expect that my attitude is at all rare. In fact I suspect many people feel the same way, but for some reason I'm also aware that the world considers this abnormal in some way. That we're suppose to go out of our way to be constantly chattering away with some person or another.

EDIT: I didn't mean to ramble about myself in this post, but as long as I have.. a few more thoughts. I actually find myself behaving in a pretty social way. I laugh a ton and make stupid jokes, make fun of myself, look like a fool, etc. when I am with people. And I have done a lot to network, perhaps largely because I am at a school where people are overwhelmingly professionally focused/competitive. I play the game with people who might be useful contacts, am constantly mindful of relationships at the workplace, all that jazz. I just mean to say I don't find I necessarily enjoy it that much, often not more than I enjoy doing things on my own. END EDIT.

Why does society put being social on such a pedestal? Is there some hidden goal I'm missing out on that I should be aware of?

 

[schneiderguy]

Because less intelligent people need something to feel superior about.

 

[Bateluer]

Humans are social animals.

 

[schneiderguy]

Humans are social animals.

Less evolved humans are social animals. People who are higher on the evolutionary scale have evolved to disregard face to face socialization, and replace it with more efficient forms of socialization like ATOT.

 

[Hacp]

I think I enjoy being social less than the average person does, and assuming any reasonable distribution, about half the people in the world are probably in the same boat. I have a small number of people I consider (close) friends, and I enjoy spending time with them. I have a large number of acquaintances (much like anyone else..), but I don't really like hanging out with them. I don't know them well, and small talk is a chore and it's not very interesting.

Most of the time, I think that trying to get to know people I don't know well or hanging out with people I don't know well is less pleasant than just doing something on my own. I like going for a run or a bike ride or playing some SC2 or working on a song or just chilling with a beer and watching some TV. I like these things more, frequently, than I would enjoy being with people. Actually, I don't like most people. I think I like maybe 10-20% of the people I meet, and that's not a problem at all, because there are a ton of people out there.

I don't expect that my attitude is at all rare. In fact I suspect many people feel the same way, but for some reason I'm also aware that the world considers this abnormal in some way. That we're suppose to go out of our way to be constantly chattering away with some person or another.

Why does society put being social on such a pedestal? Is there some hidden goal I'm missing out on that I should be aware of?

Generally, good managers are sociable people.

 

[Ghiddy]

There is generally less tolerance for the natural diversity of lifestyles, and thought processes. The majority happen to be those who are social, and so they unknowingly see the "not social" (which is a very different thing than "antisocial") as having something wrong with them.

In reality being social played an important part in getting us from swinging through trees and low tech life style to modern civilization. My theory is affinity to socialize is prevalent because a natural selection process. But non-social behavior is also important because it provides diversity of ideas and opinions which can mingle back into society, benefitting everyone. For example, think of nerds inventing and discovering shit, or great writers and philosophers spending all their time slaving away writing their masterpieces. I don't think a lot of those guys were the let's get together and drink and shoot the shit for no reason type. I could totally be wrong on this though, since I'm just going off the documentaries and random, anecdotal biographical tidbits I've read about famous scientists and historical figures.

I personally can't stand being around people too much, and I simply just don't "get it" when it comes to socializing. I spent a lot of my younger years trying to find a way to understand because I was convinced I was simply doing things wrong. I went on a long journey of fake it till you make it, and I achieved what appeared to be friends as well as success with the ladies, but after a while I realized I would rather go back to my old loner ways. I actually learned to fake it well enough that people thought I was boisterous, and some of the people who met me during that time, who later met friends I had from before that, were shocked to hear that my older friends though of me as shy.

It also doesn't help that my girlfriend is pretty similar to me on this topic, so not only does she tolerate me, she also doesn't try to put me in situations where I have to socilialize. Having a gf eliminates my primary incentive to socialize in the first place, so I've sort of become that guy who stopped paying attention to his friends since getting with her.

 

[Ghiddy]

Also, diversity in this area may good because it may allow for specialization. Some people end up being natural leaders, some more natural thinkers/tinkerers, some better soldiers/grunts (social, like leaders, but perhaps not smart or charismatic enough to lead).

 

[zerocool84]

I don't think a lot of those guys were the let's get together and drink and shoot the shit for no reason type.

That's your problem right there. You think of being social as that.

 

[Ancalagon44]

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2003/03/caring-for-your-introvert/2696/

 

[TallBill]

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2003/03/caring-for-your-introvert/2696/

Yikes, thats me... I can talk to anyone about anything, but I spend the majority of my free time alone. So frustrating.

 

[WhoBeDaPlaya]

Nothing wrong with that OP. The difference is, an extrovert feels energized during/after socializing. An introvert can do it just as well, its just that he/she feels drained during/after.

 

[xSauronx]

Nothing wrong with that OP. The difference is, an extrovert feels energized during/after socializing. An introvert can do it just as well, its just that he/she feels drained during/after.

i feel like the latter. i have a small, select group of friends and people that i like to spend time with due to us have similar mindsets and hobbies, etc, but if i spend the entire weekend out of town with friends...come monday i just dont want to see anyone for a day or two.

ive tried hard the last year or two to find people i like to hang out with, so its not *As much* as feeling drained now and a bit more just wanting some of my privacy and me-time back

 

[Fritzo]

I actually have a social phobia. Something about being in crowds and making small talk makes me crawl out of my skin. I'm fine one on one, but get very nervous in a party situation.

Suppose I should go see someone about it at some point because it makes me look like I'm too stuck up to go to social events, but I can't help it.

 

[Malak]

Having anxiety about social engagements is normal. Giving up is not.

 

[Macamus Prime]

Because less intelligent people need something to feel superior about.

Just as I suspected, shuts in are pretentious indeed.

 

[mmntech]

Less evolved humans are social animals. People who are higher on the evolutionary scale have evolved to disregard face to face socialization, and replace it with more efficient forms of socialization like ATOT.

You seriously didn't just say ATOTers are evolutionary superiors. I think there's a lot of evidence against that. :sneaky:

 

[Stuxnet]

I think I enjoy being social less than the average person does, and assuming any reasonable distribution, about half the people in the world are probably in the same boat.

Well your first problem is that god awful assumption. Second, it's really only considered "good" by others who are social, so if you feel like you are being "repressed" in any sort of way, then I'd say it's because your assumption is false and you/we are in the minority.

I'm very social with my friends, but I detest making small talk when there's no chance of a friendship evolving with that person.

 

[God Mode]

Because social people spend money on local businesses and get traffic tickets for the city coffers etc etc.

 

[Malak]

Because social people spend money on local businesses and get traffic tickets for the city coffers etc etc.

I fail to see the traffic ticket association...

 

[PingSpike]

It is the skill most conductive to getting laid.

 

[jonks]

b/c people need people. loners are weird.

 

[God Mode]

I fail to see the traffic ticket association...

Anything that generates revenue.

 

[Apple Of Sodom]

Asking a bunch of geeks on an anonymous forum "why is being unsocial bad" is like asking a bunch of geeks on an anonymous forum "why is being a virgin so bad?"

Humans are social animals and need social interaction. Look at what happens to humans in solitary confinement. Even antisocial humans, when essentially isolated from other contact, have mental breakdowns.

Second, being social gives you perspective. It gives you other ideas and different viewpoints on things. Sitting at home playing video games or watching TV with a beer is all fine occasionally, but it really doesn't make you into a better person or give your character any depth.

Third, it helps you build conversation skills. It is easy to have conversations with guys you have known for years, but it is difficult to have a conversation with someone you barely know if you are socially awkward. This, in the end, also helps with talking to women. You've said yourself that making small talk is a chore. Here lies the problem; you shouldn't be making small talk. If you had developed the proper skill you could have an actual conversation with an actual human being,

I used to be an "unsocial" person. I wasn't anti-social, but if given the option I would hang out with the same one or two people at home, occasionally make it out for family events, interact superficially at work, and turn down offers for dinner, etc. I started telling myself "I just like being this way." When I finally came out of my shell and started making the effort to go out and enjoy people I started to love it. I am no socialite but I am your average social person and I do not believe that any well-adjusted adult really LOVES being an unsocial introvert all the time.

 

[FDF12389]

Because most of the success in my life, and especially my career, can be attributed to networking.

Simply put, the ability to socialize and maintain strong relationships WILL benifit anyone.

 

[lozina]

I am the most social person on the planet. I'm constantly on facebook and myspace I play multi player online games all day I even have a marriage in World Of Warcraft and tweet about my bowel movements.