Why I'm joining the GOP!

CaptnKirk

Lifer
Jul 25, 2002
10,053
0
71
After a lifetime voting for and working for Democratic candidates and independents, I'm finally going to make the switch and become a Republican.

The reasons are many, not the least of which is age. I turned 55 recently and, having lived more than half my life,
I can't afford to worry anymore about the other guy. It's time for me.

As a Republican, I can now proudly -- indeed, defiantly -- pledge to never again vote for anyone who raises taxes for any reason.
To hell with roads, bridges, schools, police and fire protection, Medicare, Social Security and regulation of the airwaves.

President Bush has promised to give me more tax cuts even though our federal government owes trillions of dollars to its creditors.
But that's someone else's problem, not mine. Republicans are about the here and now, and I'm here now.

As a Republican, I can favor exploiting the environment for everything she's got. No need to worry about quaint notions like posterity and natural legacy.
There are plenty of resources left for everyone, and if we don't use them, someone else will.

I want a party that doesn't worry about things before we have to. Republicans refuse to get hog-tied by theories such as global warming,
ozone depletion, fished-out oceans and disappearing wetlands. The real problems -- if there are any --
aren't forecast to take hold for at least 50 years. So what do I care? I'll be dead.

As a Republican, I can swagger and clamor for war -- in Iraq, Afghanistan, Colombia, wherever -- even though I've never fought in one or even been in the military.
I can claim that we're fighting for Democracy, ignoring reports of torture at Abu Ghraib, Bagram Air Base and Guantanamo Bay,
and a spreading gulag of secret detention centers around the world.

Freedom, as every American should know after spending $300 billion for wars in Afghanistan and Iraq, isn't free.

As a Republican, I can insist on strict moral values when it comes to sex and ignore the growing moral chasms in business,
politics, sports, journalism and the leadership of the Roman Catholic Church.

A society that loses control of its sexual urges faces unwanted pregnancies, socially transmitted disease, broken families.
Those overzealous about wealth, however, produce only a higher GDP, lifelong security for their family and more minimum wage jobs for the lower classes.
What's wrong with that?

As a Republican, I can favor strict punishment of criminals, except for those who happen to be my friends or neighbors.
Isn't that the very definition of community -- looking out for friends and family?

I will be pro-death penalty and anti-abortion, pro-child but anti-child care, for education but against funding of public schools. As a Republican,
I'll have a better chance of getting to spout my opinions in the media, which for some reason seems convinced that since Bush was re-elected
with the smallest electoral margin of any sitting president in history, liberals are passe.

As a Republican, I'll say goodbye to "old Jesus" and hello to "new Jesus. " Sure Christ started out as a liberal Jew, and look where that got him.
Compassion, love and diatribes against the rich only encourage the weak and punish the most successful among us.
The Jesus that Republicans worship is a muscular, decisive, pro-war crusader hard at work cleansing the world of evildoers, not,
God forbid, turning the other cheek.

My decision to become a Republican didn't come easily. For years I clung to the idea that the foundation of a democratic society was our implied social contract,
each of us committing some level of personal sacrifice to the common good of all.

I regarded taxes as dues we pay for better roads and schools, safe inspection of meat and dairy products, maintenance of parks and protection of wilderness areas.
I see now that looking out for the common good resulted in shortchanging the most important element in this formula -- me.

Let Democrats continue promising the "greatest good for the greatest number." Republicans clearly have my number -- No. 1.

I'm sure a lot of my friends reading this will ask me, "How can you sleep?" My answer will be, "Who's got time? I'm busy earning money."
While they're bellyaching about rising deficits, the outsourcing of jobs and casualties in Iraq, I'll be marveling at the march of freedom in the Middle East,
upticks in the GDP and the president's plan to link Social Security to the magic of the marketplace.

As a Republican, I simply won't listen to bad news anymore. Bad news doesn't get me or my family anywhere.
If you don't have anything good to say about somebody, don't say anything at all -- unless it happens to be about a Democrat, of course.

(Yeah, I ripped it off . . . but it pretty much sums up today's GOP - spot on)
 

BBond

Diamond Member
Oct 3, 2004
8,363
0
0
I don't blame you CK. It sounds like you Republicans really have it all figured out.
 

Genx87

Lifer
Apr 8, 2002
41,095
513
126
Ill join the democrats.

1. I can whine all day without ever having to come up with a solution.

Consider me the Howard Dean of this msgboard.
Think my fellow lefties will be able to handle me??????????????????????
 

BBond

Diamond Member
Oct 3, 2004
8,363
0
0
Originally posted by: Bowfinger
4/10

In order to be really funny, it needs to be at least a little exaggerated.

;)

How can you exaggerate a caricature?
 

1EZduzit

Lifer
Feb 4, 2002
11,834
1
0
Originally posted by: Genx87
Ill join the democrats.

1. I can whine all day without ever having to come up with a solution.

Consider me the Howard Dean of this msgboard.
Think my fellow lefties will be able to handle me??????????????????????

And that will be different how??
 

BBond

Diamond Member
Oct 3, 2004
8,363
0
0
Originally posted by: Genx87
Ill join the democrats.

1. I can whine all day without ever having to come up with a solution.

Consider me the Howard Dean of this msgboard.
Think my fellow lefties will be able to handle me??????????????????????

Psst...your fellow righties can't handle you.
 

GroundedSailor

Platinum Member
Feb 18, 2001
2,502
0
76
Originally posted by: CaptnKirk
After a lifetime voting for and working for Democratic candidates and independents, I'm finally going to make the switch and become a Republican.

The reasons are many, not the least of which is age. I turned 55 recently and, having lived more than half my life,
I can't afford to worry anymore about the other guy. It's time for me.

As a Republican, I can now proudly -- indeed, defiantly -- pledge to never again vote for anyone who raises taxes for any reason.
To hell with roads, bridges, schools, police and fire protection, Medicare, Social Security and regulation of the airwaves.

President Bush has promised to give me more tax cuts even though our federal government owes trillions of dollars to its creditors.
But that's someone else's problem, not mine. Republicans are about the here and now, and I'm here now.

As a Republican, I can favor exploiting the environment for everything she's got. No need to worry about quaint notions like posterity and natural legacy.
There are plenty of resources left for everyone, and if we don't use them, someone else will.

I want a party that doesn't worry about things before we have to. Republicans refuse to get hog-tied by theories such as global warming,
ozone depletion, fished-out oceans and disappearing wetlands. The real problems -- if there are any --
aren't forecast to take hold for at least 50 years. So what do I care? I'll be dead.

As a Republican, I can swagger and clamor for war -- in Iraq, Afghanistan, Colombia, wherever -- even though I've never fought in one or even been in the military.
I can claim that we're fighting for Democracy, ignoring reports of torture at Abu Ghraib, Bagram Air Base and Guantanamo Bay,
and a spreading gulag of secret detention centers around the world.

Freedom, as every American should know after spending $300 billion for wars in Afghanistan and Iraq, isn't free.

As a Republican, I can insist on strict moral values when it comes to sex and ignore the growing moral chasms in business,
politics, sports, journalism and the leadership of the Roman Catholic Church.

A society that loses control of its sexual urges faces unwanted pregnancies, socially transmitted disease, broken families.
Those overzealous about wealth, however, produce only a higher GDP, lifelong security for their family and more minimum wage jobs for the lower classes.
What's wrong with that?

As a Republican, I can favor strict punishment of criminals, except for those who happen to be my friends or neighbors.
Isn't that the very definition of community -- looking out for friends and family?

I will be pro-death penalty and anti-abortion, pro-child but anti-child care, for education but against funding of public schools. As a Republican,
I'll have a better chance of getting to spout my opinions in the media, which for some reason seems convinced that since Bush was re-elected
with the smallest electoral margin of any sitting president in history, liberals are passe.

As a Republican, I'll say goodbye to "old Jesus" and hello to "new Jesus. " Sure Christ started out as a liberal Jew, and look where that got him.
Compassion, love and diatribes against the rich only encourage the weak and punish the most successful among us.
The Jesus that Republicans worship is a muscular, decisive, pro-war crusader hard at work cleansing the world of evildoers, not,
God forbid, turning the other cheek.

My decision to become a Republican didn't come easily. For years I clung to the idea that the foundation of a democratic society was our implied social contract,
each of us committing some level of personal sacrifice to the common good of all.

I regarded taxes as dues we pay for better roads and schools, safe inspection of meat and dairy products, maintenance of parks and protection of wilderness areas.
I see now that looking out for the common good resulted in shortchanging the most important element in this formula -- me.

Let Democrats continue promising the "greatest good for the greatest number." Republicans clearly have my number -- No. 1.

I'm sure a lot of my friends reading this will ask me, "How can you sleep?" My answer will be, "Who's got time? I'm busy earning money."
While they're bellyaching about rising deficits, the outsourcing of jobs and casualties in Iraq, I'll be marveling at the march of freedom in the Middle East,
upticks in the GDP and the president's plan to link Social Security to the magic of the marketplace.

As a Republican, I simply won't listen to bad news anymore. Bad news doesn't get me or my family anywhere.
If you don't have anything good to say about somebody, don't say anything at all -- unless it happens to be about a Democrat, of course.

(Yeah, I ripped it off . . . but it pretty much sums up today's GOP - spot on)
You've convinced me! :D

I'm in too :beer:


 

BBond

Diamond Member
Oct 3, 2004
8,363
0
0
Originally posted by: GroundedSailor
Originally posted by: CaptnKirk
After a lifetime voting for and working for Democratic candidates and independents, I'm finally going to make the switch and become a Republican.

The reasons are many, not the least of which is age. I turned 55 recently and, having lived more than half my life,
I can't afford to worry anymore about the other guy. It's time for me.

As a Republican, I can now proudly -- indeed, defiantly -- pledge to never again vote for anyone who raises taxes for any reason.
To hell with roads, bridges, schools, police and fire protection, Medicare, Social Security and regulation of the airwaves.

President Bush has promised to give me more tax cuts even though our federal government owes trillions of dollars to its creditors.
But that's someone else's problem, not mine. Republicans are about the here and now, and I'm here now.

As a Republican, I can favor exploiting the environment for everything she's got. No need to worry about quaint notions like posterity and natural legacy.
There are plenty of resources left for everyone, and if we don't use them, someone else will.

I want a party that doesn't worry about things before we have to. Republicans refuse to get hog-tied by theories such as global warming,
ozone depletion, fished-out oceans and disappearing wetlands. The real problems -- if there are any --
aren't forecast to take hold for at least 50 years. So what do I care? I'll be dead.

As a Republican, I can swagger and clamor for war -- in Iraq, Afghanistan, Colombia, wherever -- even though I've never fought in one or even been in the military.
I can claim that we're fighting for Democracy, ignoring reports of torture at Abu Ghraib, Bagram Air Base and Guantanamo Bay,
and a spreading gulag of secret detention centers around the world.

Freedom, as every American should know after spending $300 billion for wars in Afghanistan and Iraq, isn't free.

As a Republican, I can insist on strict moral values when it comes to sex and ignore the growing moral chasms in business,
politics, sports, journalism and the leadership of the Roman Catholic Church.

A society that loses control of its sexual urges faces unwanted pregnancies, socially transmitted disease, broken families.
Those overzealous about wealth, however, produce only a higher GDP, lifelong security for their family and more minimum wage jobs for the lower classes.
What's wrong with that?

As a Republican, I can favor strict punishment of criminals, except for those who happen to be my friends or neighbors.
Isn't that the very definition of community -- looking out for friends and family?

I will be pro-death penalty and anti-abortion, pro-child but anti-child care, for education but against funding of public schools. As a Republican,
I'll have a better chance of getting to spout my opinions in the media, which for some reason seems convinced that since Bush was re-elected
with the smallest electoral margin of any sitting president in history, liberals are passe.

As a Republican, I'll say goodbye to "old Jesus" and hello to "new Jesus. " Sure Christ started out as a liberal Jew, and look where that got him.
Compassion, love and diatribes against the rich only encourage the weak and punish the most successful among us.
The Jesus that Republicans worship is a muscular, decisive, pro-war crusader hard at work cleansing the world of evildoers, not,
God forbid, turning the other cheek.

My decision to become a Republican didn't come easily. For years I clung to the idea that the foundation of a democratic society was our implied social contract,
each of us committing some level of personal sacrifice to the common good of all.

I regarded taxes as dues we pay for better roads and schools, safe inspection of meat and dairy products, maintenance of parks and protection of wilderness areas.
I see now that looking out for the common good resulted in shortchanging the most important element in this formula -- me.

Let Democrats continue promising the "greatest good for the greatest number." Republicans clearly have my number -- No. 1.

I'm sure a lot of my friends reading this will ask me, "How can you sleep?" My answer will be, "Who's got time? I'm busy earning money."
While they're bellyaching about rising deficits, the outsourcing of jobs and casualties in Iraq, I'll be marveling at the march of freedom in the Middle East,
upticks in the GDP and the president's plan to link Social Security to the magic of the marketplace.

As a Republican, I simply won't listen to bad news anymore. Bad news doesn't get me or my family anywhere.
If you don't have anything good to say about somebody, don't say anything at all -- unless it happens to be about a Democrat, of course.

(Yeah, I ripped it off . . . but it pretty much sums up today's GOP - spot on)
You've convinced me! :D

I'm in too :beer:

If we all become Republicans we'll probably make up the party's largest constituency...than we can take over the party.

Think about it.
 

1EZduzit

Lifer
Feb 4, 2002
11,834
1
0
Originally posted by: CaptnKirk
After a lifetime voting for and working for Democratic candidates and independents, I'm finally going to make the switch and become a Republican.

The reasons are many, not the least of which is age. I turned 55 recently and, having lived more than half my life,
I can't afford to worry anymore about the other guy. It's time for me.

Hear, hear!! Don't forget, when critizied for your beliefs/practices, that your worth every dime that your paid because your worth it!!!!

Damn liberals, anyway. Who the hell do they think they are?? If they'd just do as their told this country (and coincidently yourself) would be soooo much better off. If it's good for the Rich Republicans, it has to be good for the country!!
 

dmcowen674

No Lifer
Oct 13, 1999
54,894
47
91
www.alienbabeltech.com
Originally posted by: CaptnKirk

(Yeah, I ripped it off . . . but it pretty much sums up today's GOP - spot on)

Where did you get this from?

It sounds 110% that this person got all this from the republicans in here, a perfect compiliation of everything they say all the time.
 

Bowfinger

Lifer
Nov 17, 2002
15,776
392
126
Originally posted by: GroundedSailor
You've convinced me! :D

I'm in too :beer:
Not me. I believe in old-fashioned conservative ideals like fiscal responsibility, being good stewards of the environment, and genuine family values. I'm not so willing to sacrifice my children to such short-sightedness and greed.
 

umbrella39

Lifer
Jun 11, 2004
13,819
1,126
126
Originally posted by: Genx87
Ill join the democrats.

1. I can whine all day without ever having to come up with a solution.

Consider me the Howard Dean of this msgboard.
Think my fellow lefties will be able to handle me??????????????????????

No, you still fit in just fine with the GOP with the whine and no solutions. Don't want ya. Buh now.
 

Genx87

Lifer
Apr 8, 2002
41,095
513
126
Originally posted by: umbrella39
Originally posted by: Genx87
Ill join the democrats.

1. I can whine all day without ever having to come up with a solution.

Consider me the Howard Dean of this msgboard.
Think my fellow lefties will be able to handle me??????????????????????

No, you still fit in just fine with the GOP with the whine and no solutions. Don't want ya. Buh now.

Too late
 

umbrella39

Lifer
Jun 11, 2004
13,819
1,126
126
Originally posted by: Genx87
Originally posted by: umbrella39
Originally posted by: Genx87
Ill join the democrats.

1. I can whine all day without ever having to come up with a solution.

Consider me the Howard Dean of this msgboard.
Think my fellow lefties will be able to handle me??????????????????????

No, you still fit in just fine with the GOP with the whine and no solutions. Don't want ya. Buh now.

Too late

Too late for what? You to get a date for the prom? Still don't want ya.
 

Genx87

Lifer
Apr 8, 2002
41,095
513
126
Originally posted by: umbrella39
Originally posted by: Genx87
Originally posted by: umbrella39
Originally posted by: Genx87
Ill join the democrats.

1. I can whine all day without ever having to come up with a solution.

Consider me the Howard Dean of this msgboard.
Think my fellow lefties will be able to handle me??????????????????????

No, you still fit in just fine with the GOP with the whine and no solutions. Don't want ya. Buh now.

Too late

Too late for what? You to get a date for the prom? Still don't want ya.

Already converted.

This is fun!
 

Genx87

Lifer
Apr 8, 2002
41,095
513
126
Originally posted by: CaptnKirk
Originally posted by: Genx87

Already converted.

This is fun!


Pssst - you spelled 'Perveted' wrong

Doesnt look like my fellow lefties can handle this conversion.
Dont worry you will get used to it.
 

Bowfinger

Lifer
Nov 17, 2002
15,776
392
126
Originally posted by: Genx87
Originally posted by: CaptnKirk
Originally posted by: Genx87

Already converted.

This is fun!
Pssst - you spelled 'Perveted' wrong
Doesnt look like my fellow lefties can handle this conversion.
Dont worry you will get used to it.
:roll:

I can hear the Bushies cheering now. They have one less crackpot troll to embarass them.