Why does my son's mom continue to torment me?

[MichaelD]

There is much evil in the world. And it's name is Sandra. Of all the women in Texas I could've slept with, I slept with Beezlebub himself. Argh!

She gets on these kicks where she'll call me at work and hang up when I answer the phone. I don't have Caller ID here, but I know it's her...this sounds weird, but I can tell by the way she hangs up. She always slams the phone. Even when she's happy. Which is seldom, but when she hangs up, she slams the phone down.

I pay my child support. She continually nags me for money for this and money for that. She withholds my visitation when I refuse to give her $50 for karate class. That's what child support it for. My son has lots of nice, new clothes to wear when he's at my house. Lots of videogames and toys too. When he's with me, he eats like a little king. I take him to the park, to the museum, all that good stuff. He enjoys his time with me and I with him. He is 5 1/2 years old.

Typical weekend:

Friday night: pick him up at one of his 5 different babysitters..never know which one until Friday morning.
Friday, Saturday all day Sunday: Have great time with him. Quality time.
Sunday night: drop him off with his mom. She hits me up for money. I say "no", she curses at me in front of him. Scarring him and ruining the weekend we just had.

All she wants from me is money....I'm not made of money. I work two jobs BECAUSE I pay child support. $335 a months' worth! I do not begrudge my obligation; you play you pay, it's that simple.

Most single moms/divorcees that I know are ecstatic that the kid's father pays child support and sees the kid once a month..if that. But me? Oh no, not me, I'm not that lucky. She wants my child support AND want me to give her money whenever she asks for it and see him every weekend and pick him up whenever wherever she tells me to. Oh yeah, BTW, I haven't had a Christmas, Easter or Thanksgiving with him. Why? Because she says so, that's why.

Visitation agreement? Yes, of course I have one. You can wipe your @ss with it though, because it's worthless. Last time I drove 45 minutes to the other side of town to pick him up and we had a fight over money and she locked herself and him in the house and refused my visitation, I called the police. They showed up. They told me "this is a civil thing, not a legal thing..get a lawyer." Then they left.

I can't afford a lawyer. She knows it. To see my son, I have to put up with her. Forever. Just kill me, it's quicker.

 

[tommigsr]

That sucks man...you should tell her this:

woman, i pay for the g*dfreakin child support, and i want to be able to see my son...if you're not going to let me see him, f*ck you, give me my son! if you don't let me see him, then the agreement is off, you pay FULL child support yourself biznitch!

 

[themightyplatypus]

That truly sucks man. I'm glad to hear that you're taking resposibility for you son though. There are far too many people that don't. GL

 

[Tauren]

I feel for you brother. My ex-bitch screws with me over my daughter every damn week! I don't wish her ill(yet), but god, i wish she would get a heart and a brain implanted!

 

[kami]

Sounds like a real biatch. You sound like the total opposite of my dad...he never paid child support and found legal loopholes since he knew my mom couldn't afford lawyers. Rarely saw us, treated us like sh!t...
kudos to you for not being another deadbeat...the last thing you want is your kids to hate you, because in the end when you're stuck in some nursing home, they'll be all you have left.

 

[hungrypete]

don't worry, someday soon she'll piss off the wrong dude. Make sure your boy isn't there when she does.

Sorry dude, I'm soooo glad I have no children yet, I can see my current GF doing stuff like that if I made her angry.

 

[ChrichtonsGirl]

I'm sorry. Women like that are a disgrace to my gender, motherhood in general and humanity as a whole. You're doing about all you can right now - making sure the time you spend with your son is happy, loving and solid.

 

[Nitemare]

I feel for you guy. Sounds like you are a great Dad. The only problem is in most cases the Dad is the loser, so in effect for all those loser Dad's the nice Dad's will forever get the shaft.

Can you get like a pro bono lawyer to get you custody? Just make sure you document all the crap she does.

There is bound to be a group or something that you can go to that will help..

 

[johneetrash]

could you like... get a restraining order against her or something, and like..drop off your kid to a relative's house and then her picking him up there? just thinking of stuff i really have no idea what to suggest...

but at least you're supporting him....

 

[glen]

Sounds like you can't NOT afford a lawyer.

 

[Tauren]

I love my children and I take them every weekend, friday - sunday. In the summer, they stay with me as much as they want. BUT, I am sick of paying for 'half' of everything at her house and All of everything for my house! Men get f*cked, that's it!

 

[Kewlb]

my dad specializes in those kind of cases (he is a lawyer). Now he is not the best dad in the world, during the divorce between him and my mom he did not pay for anything refused to pay for anything and we went from a $300,000/yr income and lifestyle to a $25,000/yr income and lifestyle because my mom was just a teacher it was hard and major sh!tty. But now that things are said and done he is a bit better about things and he actually helped me purchase my new 2002 Acura RSX Type S even though I did not ask nor need his help.

 

[gopunk]

what a B!TCH!

you should write a book and include other such stories, i bet it'd be a huge success, not to mention embarass your ex.

 

[Rent]

ACDC - Dirty Deeds is ringing in my head now...

If you seriously want to have any recourse against her, document all the times that she asks for more $$ over child support, all the times she won't let you have visitations, ect...

Just let it build up. Karma is a bitch.

 

[Sugadaddy]

Slap her around a little until she understands, then if she calls the police, just tell them: "this is a civil thing, not a legal thing..get a lawyer."[/u]

 

[TomC25]

maybe get a tape recorder and have it recording when you drop off your son

that way she can't deny that she asks for money and then refuses to let you see her son when you don't give it to her

send copies of the tapes to her family showing her being a bitch and you trying to be nice

good luck

 

[MichaelD]

Wanna laugh? I used to keep a log of every single conversation with her, no matter how short. It was a Word Doc. Know what it was called? Satan Event Log I swear I'm not lying. I stopped doing it about a year ago b/c of how pointless it is. Short of her being a druggie (she's not) there's no way I'd ever get custody. I'm down here by myself. No family. She's from here. Her entire 145,545 member family is here as well as all her friends. She has a house. I have an apartment. See what the court would see?

What kills me is that she pulls crap in front of him. This is very bad. I am man enough to say that I have taken two, one-week parenting classes to learn how to be a better parent. I've never done this before...it was hard when he was three. He went thru the terrible two's, at three years old. I needed help, so I took classes and they helped. Because of my job, I'm eligible for free family counseling. Guess what? We're not a family, so they won't counsel me. I tried already.

She needs help. Professional help. It's really sad that she does this to him. As badly as I want to see my son, I see him more so he can "get away from his mom and her lifestyle" than anything else. The poor kid needs a break.

It's my opinion that the "novelty" of a child has long since worn-off for her. She got pregnant (yes, I know I was involved, thank you) and told me "I'm having this baby with or without you and I will take care of it with or without you!" I remember like it was yesterday. Heh, 5 1/2 years later, I'm still in hell.

I made the choice back when he was an infant to be involved in his life. I could've walked away then and just treated my child support like a monthly bill. But I didn't. I know I made the right choice...but sometimes I wish it would all just go away.

 

[glen]

dude, GET A LAWYER.
Nothing is more expensive than your future together with your son.

 

[ChrichtonsGirl]

Damn, MichaelD, you're depressing me. I wish I had some good advice for you. I can't imagine anything worse than having to deal with someone like that if you want to stay involved with your child.

I do believe what comes around goes around; I don't wish death on her, but she's got some seriously bad karma coming.

 

[Rent]

Does the child express that he does not like living with the woman?

 

[Scrapster]

Any chance of you guys getting back together and even getting married? I know it sounds like a stretch but it may be best for the kid.

 

[jehh]

<< Sounds like you can't NOT afford a lawyer. >>



bingo...

If you can afford $335 a month, you can afford a lawyer... You just have to call around until you find one willing to take payments...

She is breaking the divorce decree (or child support agreement or whatever you have), you may well end up with sole custody if she has done enough...

Jason

 

[MichaelD]

My son is confused. Highly understandable, based on this horrible situation he was born into. He's having disciplinary probs in school. Fighting with other kids and talking back to the teacher. I've talked to him about it, and his mom has taken him to see a Kiddie Shrink. This is OK by me, but SHE is the one that needs the shrink.

My son says things like "Daddy I like to be with you because you take me swimming....mommy doesn't take me swimming any more" and "Can I stay with you another night? I don't want to go home"

But then on the flip side, when I take him home, he's happy to see his mom and seems to be happy to be back in "his home" where all his things are.

He is not wanting for physical things. He has more videos and toys than most kids. All bought with my money, but that's OK, it's for him. He is wanting for attention. His mom works full-time and since he was born, he's been dumped at one babysitter after another. About a dozen different ones, at my last count. There's no stability in his life. His mom tries to dump him on me from time to time. Always with absolutely no notice. I usually say no. She doesn't know about the second job. I need to keep it that way. I work about 3 days per week at the second job. Those days usually coincide with when she calls me and even if they don't, I need my OWN time to cook, clean, shop, do laundry and have a life, right?

I've been dealing with this for almost six years now. I'm apathetic, burnt out and clueless about what to do now. I just dont' think about it. I can guarantee you she messes with me this weekend. Three weeks ago, she tried to hit me up for $60 for soccer. I told her no. She flipped out. Called me every name in the book..in front of him. He told her "don't yell at my Daddy" I almost cried, right there in the middle of the street. If it weren't for the fact that I'd be the first person they'd come find, I'd sell my soul and everything I own and have her whacked. I hate her that much.

 

[lo5750ul]

Michael,

I suggest you speak to a lawyer now so that they can tell you what you need to do to get what you want - it may take several years.

Check with the Texas State Bar Association - Family Law Section and the State Bar of Texas for pro bono lawyers.

In all matters legal, documentation is always the key. Document when she is verbally abusive to you or your son. Document when she does not comply with the visitation order. Document when she demands money from you and tries to blackmail you to get some - i.e. when she locks her son in the house because you would not give her money.

Although it is unlikely that you will get full custody (unless she abuses her son) you can get directives put in place that will protect you and your son so that if Sandra breaks the caveats you would get custody.

 

[MichaelD]

What is Pro Bono? Does that mean for free?