Why do some people just change overnight out of no where?

[manlymatt83]

This is just a question, not a YAMGT. As you all know i dated a girl for 3 years, and she went overseas for 5 months. She just came back and was like "I don't know if I can be friends, all I could think about while i was gone was if you were hooking up with other people, etc."

Then she says she's over me?

I'm not over her, but i won't ever be... and I still want to be her friend, and I don't want to be weird... I want to be like we used to be, except there would be awkwardness and such, but we could just laugh that off.

Why does she have to make things so difficult? If she's "over me", why can't she be my friend?

I don't get it.

/rant

EDIT:

Of course... well shes been gone for five months, but we haven't been "more than friends" for about four weeks.

And she hasn't found other interests. I could post the conversation. It is literally her entirely different as a person, not responding to anything I say, being VERY distant, and saying she is over me, then saying she isn't, then saying she "isn't as strong as me in being my friend", and that "more time won't help the situation".

I've been friends with all of my ex girlfriends.... and its usually fairly easy.

 

[gigapet]

:roll:

 

[lozina]

5 months != overnight

thats a loong time for her to change and perhaps find other 'interests'

 

[manlymatt83]

Originally posted by: lozina
5 months != overnight

thats a loong time for her to change and perhaps find other 'interests'

Of course... well shes been gone for five months, but we haven't been "more than friends" for about four weeks.

And she hasn't found other interests. I could post the conversation. It is literally her entirely different as a person, not responding to anything I say, being VERY distant, and saying she is over me, then saying she isn't, then saying she "isn't as strong as me in being my friend", and that "more time won't help the situation".

I've been friends with all of my ex girlfriends.... and its usually fairly easy.

 

[Kadarin]

Originally posted by: lozina
5 months != overnight

thats a loong time for her to change and perhaps find other 'interests'

Exactly. To the OP, it just seems like it was overnight.

 

[lozina]

Sounds like she's simply not interesting in you anymore and is struggling to distance herself without hurting you

 

[Lola]

You have a lot of woman problems it seems.

 

[wfbberzerker]

if she says "more time won't help the situation," she doesn't know what she's talking about. time ALWAYS helps clear your head.

 

[Kadarin]

Originally posted by: LolaWiz
You have a lot of woman problems it seems.

Not really. It's just the SAME problem, posted over and over and over and over again.

 

[KB]

Sounds like while she was overseas she was banging Rico, the message therapist.....

5 months is a very long time. Its easy to get over something when you don't see them for so long. Did you keep in touch? email, daily phone calls?

How old is she 18? Don't try to understand why. Women don't make any sense until they hit 25.

 

[GuitarDaddy]

Originally posted by: LolaWiz
You have a lot of woman problems it seems.

QFT!

Let's count!
ohh whats the use!

 

[crownjules]

Originally posted by: mjuszczak


I'm not over her, but i won't ever be

Yes you will be, but trying to be friends with her makes the healing process that much harder. You should cut her out of your life for at least a few weeks. Out of sight, out of mind. Find another girl. Three years is a long time, but not unsurmountable. By the sounds of things, she doesn't want to be involved with you anymore. Sorry buddy, but that's life. Move on. There's plenty more.

 

[astrosfan90]

You wanna talk overnight?

I was dating a girl for nearly four years. We were engaged, had lived together for a bit, and were extremely serious. Ie, wedding plans being made.

She left town to visit a friend of hers from college for her birthday over a weekend, and the Monday night she came back we met up after work for dinner. No warning, nothing, at dinner she tells me it's over, she can't be in a relationship right now.

It's been 6 months, I've seen her all of about 5 times since then, and speak with her very rarely, all after 4 years of daily contact.

That's overnight.

 

[crownjules]

Originally posted by: astrosfan90
You wanna talk overnight?

I was dating a girl for nearly four years. We were engaged, had lived together for a bit, and were extremely serious. Ie, wedding plans being made.

She left town to visit a friend of hers from college for her birthday over a weekend, and the Monday night she came back we met up after work for dinner. No warning, nothing, at dinner she tells me it's over, she can't be in a relationship right now.

It's been 6 months, I've seen her all of about 5 times since then, and speak with her very rarely, all after 4 years of daily contact.

That's overnight.

Dammmmmn. That's heavy. Have you found out from her or a friend what brought on the sudden change?

 

[lokiju]

I've never remained friends with any of my ex gf's.

I prefer it that way, to much emotional baggage IMO.

 

[rudder]

She went overseas, saw there was more to life than just hanging out with you. She is young and was probably not ready for serious commitment. The three years you were together at a young age probably caused her to realize she is missing out on a lot of the experience of growing up.

She doesn't want to be your friend because you will be severly down when it comes time for here to bang someone else. She is doing you a favor. Gotta let her go.

 

[Kadarin]

Originally posted by: crownjules

Originally posted by: astrosfan90
You wanna talk overnight?

I was dating a girl for nearly four years. We were engaged, had lived together for a bit, and were extremely serious. Ie, wedding plans being made.

She left town to visit a friend of hers from college for her birthday over a weekend, and the Monday night she came back we met up after work for dinner. No warning, nothing, at dinner she tells me it's over, she can't be in a relationship right now.

It's been 6 months, I've seen her all of about 5 times since then, and speak with her very rarely, all after 4 years of daily contact.

That's overnight.

Dammmmmn. That's heavy. Have you found out from her or a friend what brought on the sudden change?

To state the obvious, that situation simply screams that she went on the trip, had sex with someone, realized the chemistry was a hell of a lot better than what she already had, and dropped the relationship like a hot potato. But that's me assuming things..

 

[manlymatt83]

Originally posted by: crownjules

Originally posted by: mjuszczak


I'm not over her, but i won't ever be

Yes you will be, but trying to be friends with her makes the healing process that much harder. You should cut her out of your life for at least a few weeks. Out of sight, out of mind. Find another girl. Three years is a long time, but not unsurmountable. By the sounds of things, she doesn't want to be involved with you anymore. Sorry buddy, but that's life. Move on. There's plenty more.

OK. I don't WANT To be with her anymore. And no, she isn't over me. She admitted that in our convo, which I could post here if anyone cared to read it.

She treated me like dog crap while we were dating, but I am close to her and thought we could remain friends, especially since I'm moving to her area soon (for other reasons). That's the problem. I'm ready to be friends, she isn't, and I don't understand why.

 

[manlymatt83]

Originally posted by: astrosfan90
You wanna talk overnight?

I was dating a girl for nearly four years. We were engaged, had lived together for a bit, and were extremely serious. Ie, wedding plans being made.

She left town to visit a friend of hers from college for her birthday over a weekend, and the Monday night she came back we met up after work for dinner. No warning, nothing, at dinner she tells me it's over, she can't be in a relationship right now.

It's been 6 months, I've seen her all of about 5 times since then, and speak with her very rarely, all after 4 years of daily contact.

That's overnight.

Wow... how did you handle losing your best friend like that?

 

[manlymatt83]

Originally posted by: rudder
She went overseas, saw there was more to life than just hanging out with you. She is young and was probably not ready for serious commitment. The three years you were together at a young age probably caused her to realize she is missing out on a lot of the experience of growing up.

She doesn't want to be your friend because you will be severly down when it comes time for here to bang someone else. She is doing you a favor. Gotta let her go.

But I already banged someone else. So I can't be mad if she does.

 

[manlymatt83]

Originally posted by: rudder
She went overseas, saw there was more to life than just hanging out with you. She is young and was probably not ready for serious commitment. The three years you were together at a young age probably caused her to realize she is missing out on a lot of the experience of growing up.

She doesn't want to be your friend because you will be severly down when it comes time for here to bang someone else. She is doing you a favor. Gotta let her go.

QFT I think on this one. We were long distance and felt that she was missing out on a lot of stuff at College, and this Fall will be her senior year.... so I guess she wants to have fun her last year of school. Still, we were so close, and then to just let me go ... I'm not that kind of person at all. I hold on to friendships and I am very good at "laughing off the akwardness". I guess maybe that's why her and I aren't compatable.

 

[astrosfan90]

I spoke with a few of her good friends that I've become closer with than she is these days, and all were completely floored by her decision as much as I was. Beyond her statement that "she needed to be alone and spend some time growing up", I don't really know what went on. Probably better off not knowing.


How did I cope with it? I focused on work during the days, and turned into a hardcore gamer geek at night. Went from someone who played World of Warcraft a little bit every few days to a full-time dork. That and whiskey got me through the first few months, and once I got past the holiday hump, I started putting myself back together and going out again. It's not been easy, but I didn't have much choice other than to get my head back on straight and move on, so I did it.

 

[DaShen]

Originally posted by: astrosfan90
I spoke with a few of her good friends that I've become closer with than she is these days, and all were completely floored by her decision as much as I was. Beyond her statement that "she needed to be alone and spend some time growing up", I don't really know what went on. Probably better off not knowing.


How did I cope with it? I focused on work during the days, and turned into a hardcore gamer geek at night. Went from someone who played World of Warcraft a little bit every few days to a full-time dork. That and whiskey got me through the first few months, and once I got past the holiday hump, I started putting myself back together and going out again. It's not been easy, but I didn't have much choice other than to get my head back on straight and move on, so I did it.

Really only way to get over it, is to drown it by other activities and let time heal it.

 

[purbeast0]

people don't change overnight. she was just changing for a while and didn't let you know. maybe it was because she was unsure of what she wanted for some time, then finally realized that she needed to tell you.

when I broke up w/my EX, i had been with her for 5 years on with a little break mid-way in there. Towards the last months or so of our relationship, I just wasn't feeling the relationship and her, and I started to want to see other people or whatever. But I didn't tell her "umm my feelings are starting to change, I'll keep you posted."

When I finally got the balls to do so, and the time was right, I told her straight up how I felt and I'm sure to her, it seemed like "out of no where", but in reality, I had been feeling this way and building up these feelings for a few months.

 

[manlymatt83]

Originally posted by: purbeast0
people don't change overnight. she was just changing for a while and didn't let you know. maybe it was because she was unsure of what she wanted for some time, then finally realized that she needed to tell you.

when I broke up w/my EX, i had been with her for 5 years on with a little break mid-way in there. Towards the last months or so of our relationship, I just wasn't feeling the relationship and her, and I started to want to see other people or whatever. But I didn't tell her "umm my feelings are starting to change, I'll keep you posted."

When I finally got the balls to do so, and the time was right, I told her straight up how I felt and I'm sure to her, it seemed like "out of no where", but in reality, I had been feeling this way and building up these feelings for a few months.

Yeah, she told me this was the case... she started feeling it last September and let it build up and then told me in December how she felt. But she hadn't changed attitudes... so she was acting? I don't get it. Whatever. I know I can do better.