Why do I not feel like picking up when my dad calls?

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J

jtvang125

Diamond Member
Nov 10, 2004
5,399
51
91
He calls about once or twice a month. Usually I just ignore the calls and let it go to voicemail. If it's important then I'll return the call but he gets all angry that I never seem to pick up. It's not like I hate him or that we don't get a long but every time he calls it turns into a lecture about school and women. It's the same routine over and over, "School and an education is the most important thing in life...blah blah...I want you to get your masters...blah...you need to get married...blah blah". Yes I know an education is important and I'll marry when I'm ready. I've already graduated and have a decent career going but I am single but then I don't see any problems with that. There are plenty of women that I'm talking to but so far nothing serious as yet. Also I go back home to visit every 3 or 4 months so I don't see why this is even an issue. If I was moving out to college for the first time I can understand but this isnt the case.

/rant
 
D

djheater

Lifer
Mar 19, 2001
14,637
2
0
Originally posted by: jtvang125
He calls about once or twice a month. Usually I just ignore the calls and let it go to voicemail. If it's important then I'll return the call but he gets all angry that I never seem to pick up. It's not like I hate him or that we don't get a long but every time he calls it turns into a lecture about school and women. It's the same routine over and over, "School and an education is the most important thing in life...blah blah...I want you to get your masters...blah...you need to get married...blah blah". Yes I know an education is important and I'll marry when I'm ready. I've already graduated and have a decent career going but I am single but then I don't see any problems with that. There are plenty of women that I'm talking to but so far nothing serious as yet. Also I go back home to visit every 3 or 4 months so I don't see why this is even an issue. If I was moving out to college for the first time I can understand but this isnt the case.

/rant
Click to expand...


Haha. You're a tool.

He just misses you, and that's the only way he knows how to express it.
Just wait, not only will you miss him when he's gone, you'll feel nice and guilty about all those missed opportunities.
 
B

Bryan

Diamond Member
Oct 9, 1999
3,070
5
86
Be glad your Dad cares. Mine only calls for (free) tech support. Whenever I ask him to go to dinner or anything (even offering to buy), he doesn't have the time.
 
Toonces

Toonces

Golden Member
Feb 5, 2000
1,690
0
76
ouch, I love talking with my dad about computers, biking, kayaking, etc... all the advice I've ever gotten was "you know what you have to do to make yourself happy, so go do it"
that and his gourmet cooking binge he's been on for the past year, makes going home even more enjoyable :D

Just tell him that you're doing great, you appreciate every sacrifice he's made for you over the years and to trust that you'll make the most out of your life for him and your mom... and you'll make a few grandkids someday too
 
yllus

yllus

Elite Member & Lifer
Aug 20, 2000
20,577
432
126
Ah, my parents do the same thing, jtvang125. Calls are either about:

- Come back here to the suburbs this weekend so we can try to get you married.
- You're not supposed to be out there on your own. Stop being an embarrassment. Move back in with us.

I realize that they do miss me, but the (far more) primary purpose of their calls is to bully me back into living the life they want me to leave. The feeling of mild dread when I see their number on Caller ID is well entrenched now.
 
NaOH

NaOH

Diamond Member
Mar 2, 2006
5,015
0
0
Sorry, but that's kind of mean to ignore his calls and such. I would expect at your age, you would realize how precious every moment with family is (especially when our parents are old). I'm in college and my parents always call me here and there. If I'm really busy studying then I'll tell them and call them back later. But I never screen their calls, even though they always ask the same questions. If they miss you, do they always have to come up with a good reason to talk to you? Also, I go home every couple of weeks.
 
Gooberlx2

Gooberlx2

Lifer
May 4, 2001
15,381
6
91
I'd be pissed too. Over the years I just get closer and closer to my dad, especially now that he's retired. I can't wait for my folks to be here in a couple weeks to visit.
 
ScottFern

ScottFern

Diamond Member
Oct 23, 2002
3,629
2
76
Originally posted by: djheater
Originally posted by: jtvang125
He calls about once or twice a month. Usually I just ignore the calls and let it go to voicemail. If it's important then I'll return the call but he gets all angry that I never seem to pick up. It's not like I hate him or that we don't get a long but every time he calls it turns into a lecture about school and women. It's the same routine over and over, "School and an education is the most important thing in life...blah blah...I want you to get your masters...blah...you need to get married...blah blah". Yes I know an education is important and I'll marry when I'm ready. I've already graduated and have a decent career going but I am single but then I don't see any problems with that. There are plenty of women that I'm talking to but so far nothing serious as yet. Also I go back home to visit every 3 or 4 months so I don't see why this is even an issue. If I was moving out to college for the first time I can understand but this isnt the case.

/rant
Click to expand...


Haha. You're a tool.

He just misses you, and that's the only way he knows how to express it.
Just wait, not only will you miss him when he's gone, you'll feel nice and guilty about all those missed opportunities.
Click to expand...


QFT. Lost my Dad just under 2 years ago.

RIP Dad
rose.gif
 
AnyMal

AnyMal

Lifer
Nov 21, 2001
15,780
0
76
Wow, your dad cares about your future :shocked: How dare he :roll: I can only dream of going through this with my dad, but he's been gone for over 20 years.
 
SonnyDaze

SonnyDaze

Diamond Member
Jul 31, 2004
6,867
3
76
Enjoy the coversation while you can. When you grow up and your dad is gone you'll wish you had someone to talk things over with (besides ATOT).
 
D

djheater

Lifer
Mar 19, 2001
14,637
2
0
Originally posted by: SonnyDaze
Enjoy the coversation while you can. When you grow up and your dad is gone you'll wish you had someone to talk things over with (besides ATOT).
Click to expand...

QFMFT.

I regularly find myself thinking of something, then wanting to ask my Dad's opinion, then realizing he died 1.5 years ago. Then sighing.

:(
 
James Bond

James Bond

Diamond Member
Jan 21, 2005
6,023
0
0
Originally posted by: djheater
Haha. You're a tool.

He just misses you, and that's the only way he knows how to express it.
Just wait, not only will you miss him when he's gone, you'll feel nice and guilty about all those missed opportunities.
Click to expand...

Wow, what a nice way to say, "he cares".
 
NaOH

NaOH

Diamond Member
Mar 2, 2006
5,015
0
0
Originally posted by: djheater
Originally posted by: SonnyDaze
Enjoy the coversation while you can. When you grow up and your dad is gone you'll wish you had someone to talk things over with (besides ATOT).
Click to expand...

QFMFT.

I regularly find myself thinking of something, then wanting to ask my Dad's opinion, then realizing he died 1.5 years ago. Then sighing.

:(
Click to expand...

Sorry to hear man. Just thinking about that happening to you makes me sad too :brokenheart:
 
T

Tuktuk

Senior member
Jan 30, 2007
406
0
0
How about you grow a pair and take control of the conversation. My Dad pulls the same crap on me and I just ignore it. He comes up with some really stupid reasons to nag, too, like going on about how I had no respect for myself because my car was slightly messy on the inside. How I need to check my oil regularly, then he goes behind my back and checks it for me, and later I find out after driving about 15 miles that he left the oil cap off. These things used to piss me off too but one thing you may not have realized yet is that your parents are the only people that will not bail out on you. They are the only people that will always be there for you so don't take advantage of it and show them some respect.

Seriously it isn't that hard to just say "Yea I'm working on it" when he asks you about a wife and start talking about something else.

Now some people have crappy parents but you don't seem to be one of them.
 
Y

yowolabi

Diamond Member
Jun 29, 2001
4,183
2
81
The people criticizing you obviously just never had a similar situation. I didn't like talking to my older brother for years because every talk we had turned into an extremely long lecture about something I wasn't interested in hearing. Things have since improved now that he recognizes me as his kid brother but no longer as a kid. I even voluntarily ask him for advice now.

I can understand exactly what the OP feels, but I would like to suggest that he be more upfront with his dad about why he doesn't like talking to him. I'm sure that once the dad understands he will make an effort to not lecture so much and you guys can slowly improve your relationship. Of course you'll have to say "you're doing it again" every now and then, but the important thing is that your relationship can change and improve. Confront him like a man and he may treat you like one.
 
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