Why do guys goof on each other when bonding but girls...
... tend to support and encourage each other? Well, at least that's what my impression is.
For example, I'm probably closest to my brothers and I constantly goof on him. He does the same with me.
But from what I understand, girls don't seem to do that. Like if a girl makes a stupid mistake and embarrasses herself, I doubt her best friend would call her a "stupid i love you" like I sometimes do with my brother.
Let me first comment on the post below and then I'll answer directly.
Guys are competitive and gals are supportive. Besides, guys are worried of what others will think if they don't goof.
edit: btw, you'll be way ahead of most guys if you realize that in general women and men DO deal with things differently. When you see that women have a valid point of view according to where THEY are coming from, you will begin to understand and get along real well with women.
Meanwhile all your guy friends all their life are like "WTF, I just don't understand women!"
Your generalization needs a bunch of
ceteris paribus clauses to hold, I think. Firstly, socialization techniques/strategies in early childhood do tend to follow those patterns but this is not to suggest that one can generalize and be able to unequivocally state that this is a fact in all relationships. Your advice of trying to understand and empathize, however seems to be very healthy.
Now on to StormRider. As I have posted before here, early socialization tends to influence and shape later coping styles. What the interaction between nature and nurture is remains to be discovered but at this time, the evidence points to nature with hormonal priming in the womb leading to subsequent development as well as behavioral tendencies. Of course stuff like attachment is pretty important as well so it's most likely a complex relationship.
Now that early socialization in both boys and girls is equivalent until roughly 4.5 years of age. At this point, the genders separate. It happens naturally in western culture and is a pretty interesting phenomenon with many causes like preferred tys, preferred activities, preferred "roughness", etc. With segragation comes unique developmental coping strategies for play. Girls do, to a large extent, tend to use more cooperative and inclusive strategies. They will use force but the end result of these encounters is still cooperation and a restoration of balance. Boys, on the other hand, usually engage in more rough activities. Note this is just stating that this is what occurs now, and is not to suggest ossification of child personality or deterministic behaviors. That is, the play can be altered to help boys develop inclusive strategies for play and interaction.
Ok, now that you have an overview of how early socialization contributes to later behavior, let me say a few things about personality. In the developing child, this is very malleable. The brain is still growing rapidly so any pathways can be reshaped with proper cognitive modification. In other words, there's hope for anyone
I would say a spiel about adolescence but I don't think people want to read about what I have to say.
I will say some stuff about adulthood though. With a set coping strategy, people tend to be on stable life trajectories. That is, what worked in childhood will likely be used. What was learned in play during immaturity will be used in adulthood. If males share socialization techniques bordering on ribaldry and directness to ease stress and gain understanding/comraderie, then females will probably use conflict lessening techniques like win-win negotiation, compromise or other power diffusing methods.
Why does it occur? Again, the past determines the present. If you set some person on a path and if that works in an environment/adaptive, then little change will occur.
Plus, females are smarter and know how to resolve stress in relationships better
... and so they do that.
Cheers !
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